Code red. White flag. I have to tell you something and I have to say it now.
After my book came out last September, denim overalls sprawled across the cover, I was 99% sure that I would never be able to look at the once-praised hero of my closet again. But then, as if directly from a mythological Greek deity who warns mortals to be not sure of anything, that single, forlorn percentage point shined down upon me. And so, for the last two weeks I have been consistently rotating a pair of “shorteralls” and the photographed white pair of “painteralls” on my body like it is the sun and you, you are its orb.
Though I like to think that I am fluent in wearing overalls and have heretofore cracked every code there is to splatter across the ground floor of Condé Nast on how to wear them, I also like to think that I invented the word FOMO, which is to say, I can probably use the help of your opinion.
Just last week, I walked into the office wearing the white overalls with absolutely nothing underneath them. Before I left home, I did that thing I do and looked into the mirror and said to myself, Self, go on now, you look fine. But once I was released into the wild that is The Bowery, I realized that to wear a pair of overalls directly over my birthday suit is to invite a sexual deviant into my FUPA.
Of course, once the hypothetical deviant is to get past the layer of fabric and make contact with my bikini line, he or she is liable to experience a hugely dangerous sight that may or may not impair his or her vision but let’s cut the chase: overalls with nothing underneath them — flashy or trashy?
In the event you’re unfamiliar with the definitions of either word, I invite you to take a step back in time to the immortalized morning of June 17, where in a pair of white high waist shredded jeans, Amelia asked you the very question being presented again right now. If you’re still uncertain about the definitions, here is a simple sample guide: trashy = not good, flashy = ranging from decent to awesome.
So, tell me, world: would you wear overalls with nothing underneath them?