Hey…Can You Not Invite February? No Offense.
Thurs, Feb 19, 10:30 AM
B: Hi hi. What’s up?
A: Ok…kind of awkward, but I was thinking, can you not invite February this weekend?
B: Not really, why?
A: I mean…
A: February is the worst, dude.
A: We go out and drink all the time — Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, on desperate measures, Sundays — to try and make it better, like we’re going to find some magic antidote at the next bar if this one sucks. Some ideal moment or some perfect night that’s going to make February feel worth it. It’s never worth it! And we get fat. I have gained 10 pounds since Christmas.
B: Shut uppppp, you’re fine.
A: Think about it. When have you ever looked back on your Instagram feed and thought to yourself, “Man, February ruled!”
B: True, but…
A: Instead of always going out with February we should just stop. We should stay in, work out, eat healthy, do yoga, listen to music, read! When’s the last time you stayed in to read? I think that is what February is for. Not all this late night bull shit that feels like some last-ditch effort to get in on cuffing season.
B: Oh god she just texted me.
A: What did she say?
B: Hang on
A: She’s a psycho!
B: I know. She’s so annoying.
A: SO WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO HANG OUT WITH HER??
B: Because we literally cannot ditch her. Not unless we move to like, Florida or Australia or something. Just accept that February is that friend who we grew up with because our parents are best friends with her parents. She’s gone skiing with our families. We’ve seriously known her our whole lives. We can’t get rid of her.
A: So we do we do? Suck it up?
B: She’s only here for 9 more days. So yea, we suck it up.
A: Ugh, I miss Summer. When is she moving back?
B: Not for a while…
A: At least we have time to start working out again.
A: Speaking of blast from the past, March texted me…
B: Oh god. He’s annoying.
A: I know, right.
A: Btw, delete this convo. February just said she’s gonna meet us in ten.