Did you know that you can only feed an RSS…uh, feed, once per story? We learned that last night while trying to send this post, which you’re about to not just read but experience, to the feed five times. Ultimately, we were denied harder than pregnant Katherine Heigl at a nightclub but this announcement is important. It is as important as a Mandarin collar, and that means it’s worthy of five failed flight attempts in the direction of Rich Site Summaries.
If this were a Ted Talk, here’s where we’d ask you: “By a show of hands, how many of you read Man Repeller on the reg?” We would not mean on the rag. We would not mean on the oregano either.
Assuming that the majority of you raised your hands, we would now ask if you have noticed the overwhelming placement of the word “cool” throughout the site. If you have, great! If you haven’t, figure this: we’ve been dedicated to using benign double-letter as: adjectives, verbs, nouns — and when we’re feeling particularly drunk, conjunctions.
In using the word so frequently, it’s graduated from its root, just north of snowman city and has continued forward to characterize everything from worldwide calamity to sartorial splendor and even to the celestial sensation that surrounds one’s tastebuds when biting into a whole wheat everything bagel with vegetable tofu cream cheese.
Yesterday both Amelia and myself found ourselves recalling flammable sequined straps, pastel pleather skirts and floral chiffon appliqués stitched over strapless bodices as “really, really cool.”
As a result, we thought it best to define the word for you, once and for all, in five simple bullet points. This way, when you begin to notice it populate the reviews in the coming week you know that what we mean is far more significant than just a four letter cucumber.
COOL CAN MEAN:
*Automatic, supersonic, hypnotic, AND funky fresh. It can also be used to describe Ciara.
*Smart; cool can be used to replace “smart,” to depict anyone as intellectual as, say, David Foster Wallace, historically apt as Henry Kissinger, scientifically capable as Albert Einstein and as socially credible as Andy “Bravo” Cohen.
*Weird; cool can be used to replace “weird” but only when weird is used to replace a combination of sketchy and vaguely dishonest — if someone stole your lunch money and then spent it on a red ant farm, for example, you might say, “That was…cool.”
*Substantially pretty while emitting the swagger of Kanye West. Representative figures include french women. “You look so cool” is therefore a high honor.
*Wildcard: cool can mean kind — kinder than Oprah, it can mean vigilant — with more courage to its four letters than to Davey Crockett’s hunting expedition (cue: cool hat) and finally, it can mean “awesome,” non-hyperbolically, spoken with full authenticity and not a single tinge of sarcasm (or ground beef breath).
Sometimes, too — a lot of times actually — cool just means cool.