There’s something about a spring weekend that makes people want to brunch. Even though in this city, people are always “brunching” because restaurants declare it “brunch” if it’s a Saturday or Sunday between the hours of 8AM to 4 PM. So unless you’re eating dinner or buying chips from a vending machine, there’s really no escaping it.
I truly apologize for using brunch as a verb twice in a row.
And since it’s a bit of a holiday weekend, you may have family and friends in town. And do you know what your family is going to want to do? Oh yea, baby. They’re going to want to combine breakfast and lunch into one word and meal and it’s going to happen at a really inconvenient time for both your sleep pattern and any previously established plans you may have made.
If your grandma’s included, and she probably is, she’s going to be equal parts excited to see you and concerned that you live in a very dangerous city with a potential stabbing around every corner. It’s your duty to prove her wrong. It’s your job as a loving granddaughter to show her that not only have you learned to bring a sweater with you to any venue that poses a threat of over air-conditioning, but you also don’t just wear the same pair of jeans every day. In fact, you wear actual pants! (You wear skirts and shit too but that feels so aggressive for this semi-hungover Saturday we’re predicting, no?)
But hold it right there, because like I said, you already have plans. Your friends will be commencing a reunion bar crawl at exactly the time family brunch begins, which means you’re meeting them after you’ve kissed your family goodbye and your crew is at least three drinks deep. There will be mimosas. There will be bloodies. You will need to dress for both a day of rowdy alcohol consumption and also, grandma.
So what in the Cadbury Egg do you wear?
Trousers, for sure, in black or navy. Trousers say, “I’m a grown up. I’ve found another word for pants.” But they also say, “I have enough room in the crotch to bust some daytime dance moves later on.”
For your feet, a mid-heel. They’re a happy medium between the ballet flats your mom is wearing and the heels your overly eager I-got-dressed-for-the-night-at-10-AM friends are wearing. Or you can always do a loafer.
Top it off with a trench. Your grandma will be glad you adhered to purchasing at least one of those classic staples “every woman should own,” and you’ll just be happy you made it through this day alive.
Am I projecting?
— Amelia Diamond
Image on the left via Vogue, image on the right via Wildfox