Does “VMA” Stand for Violently Mangled Attire?

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by Leandra Medine
August 25, 2014
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What a mistake it was to choose sleep over the VMAs last night! I feel as though I have failed humanity by prioritizing mental health above cerebral paralysis. How could I have missed such a salient homage to 2001 in real time? The horror! The agony! Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears were remade 13 years later starring Katy Perry and Riff Raff and now, I’d have only reprocessed photos to show for my incipient elation.

I could get over that, though. As a matter of fact — I did. But when I got into work, headlines detailing the solidarity with which Jay Z stood with Beyoncé last night as she received some version of a lifetime achievement award ran amuck. What in the good name of children named after colors had I missed?

Twenty minutes later, I learned nothing. I had missed nothing that I couldn’t have caught up on in the twenty minutes that I did, you know, catch up.

And you know what else I learned? That Taylor Swift shunned pants in the name of a turquoise long sleeve cat suit to usher in the award ceremony, while matching outfits outside of the realm of the Perry-Raff jean-scheme of 2014 was trending; why else would Adam Levine and his partner in leather dress up like Cat Women while Jordin Sparks and Jason Derulo played the couple-o-angels card? Also of note was Amber Rose’s decision to wear a necklace as a dress and the acerbically attractive progeny of the Kardashian revolution in the form of Jenner sisters. There, I said it.

Kim Kardashian didn’t wear dramatic lipstick or as many layers of foundation as the public is used to, so apparently, beauty sites are up in arms about this new no makeup approach.

Of note in the metropolis were two cool women: Solange Knowles and Chloe Moretz. Both kept it real, Vogue style, opting not for birds of a feather or the latex of a condom, but instead provided the kind of fodder forecasts are built upon in anticipation of the deluge of street style we seemingly have in store for us next week, what with the initiation of Fashion Week on the horizon and all.

Conclusion: I’m glad I slept.

Continuation: Tell me everything there is to know about what happened elsewhere and otherwise last night.

Please?

REPLIES
  • http://Medium.com/@hager_emma Emma Hager

    The only person that doesn’t look like a mess in the above slideshow is Solange. She’s just exponentially cooler than her counterparts.

    • http://weymouthbikenight.com brian

      they all luck lovely

  • Amelia Diamond

    I think Jordin looks cute and happy. My outfit was really good but for some reason I can’t find any red carpet picz of me.

    • Tara Jayne

      She looks (is) beautiful, but also like she’s filling in for Joy Behar on the view.

      Did your outfit involve any velour? Because that’s the fabric those slides are missing. If so, pls post pics.

  • Sarah

    The denim burned my retinas. That is all.

    • http://www.thechromatist.com/ The Chromatist

      Lol omg yes yes omg yes

  • andrea raymer

    I kind of love T-Swifty’s no pants look. But I basically worship the ground she walks on, so I might not be the best judge.

  • Lynn

    Can we take a moment for Kim K’s boobs?

    • MippysMom

      Maybe 2?

  • Somebody from Somewhere

    “Amber Rose’s decision to wear a necklace as a dress” – OMG! :D this is hillarious!

    http://somebodyfromsomewhere.blogspot.com/

  • http://curvilyfashion.com/ Curvily NYC

    Iggy Azalea looks like a 1970′s version of a “sexy robot from the future.” But less cool.

  • http://blog.studiomeroe.com/ Candace (Studio Meroe)

    I missed it too. All of the photos I’ve seen thus far are actually HORRIFIC—except for Solange’s H&M get-up. She looked amazing. I’m really worried about where fashion is headed. I also find it hilarious that you referred to Behati Prinsloo as Adam Levine’s “Partner”.

  • Caius Keys

    Violence mandatory always.

  • http://tongueburnt.blogspot.com/ Sarah Elise

    USHER IN PIC #6 BEHIND KIM

    and nicki minaj’s quick change didn’t work so she had to sing with her dress halfway unzipped

  • Blue Labels Boutique

    Loved Jordan Sparks, Beyonce and Solanges’ looks!

  • http://www.millennielle.com/ millennielle

    so…we’re just gonna keep clicking through and ignore VERY possible chance that katy perry is dating RIFF RAFF? homegirl needs a relationship intervention… her dating track record is beyond.

    • Esther Levy

      agreed – who da fug is riff raff

    • Amelia Diamond

      ahahahahaha

    • http://hermeone.etsy.com Josie Fillat

      I read an interview with him where he talked about having gone on a date with Perry. The entire time he was interviewed he was with a girl in a bikini. When asked if he and Perry were planning on a second date he said something like “maybe” and smacked the bikini clad babe on the booty.

      I just looked it up and it was a TMZ video…..LOL

  • Charlotte Fassler

    I think I used to own Taylor Swift’s outfit. I wore it all the time to gymnastics when I was 8…..

  • Alex

    Okay I’m going to break down all my opinions now.

    T Swift- Those shoes do not go with this romper what so ever. No surprise here, she’s always wearing terrible shoes.

    Adam Levine- His girlfriend looks like a 2001 Avril meets homecoming.

    Kardashian clan- the Jenner sisters look amazing. Kim, Joan Smalls wore it better but it’s still okay. I wish i couldn’t see so much of her boobs, but whatever.

    Amber Rose- Kate Moss, Rose Mcgowan, and RiRi have done this naked dress thing. Let’s all move on now.

    Chole- She is incredibly chic. I cannot believe she is so young.

    Solange- AMAZING.

    Bey- Meh on the dress. But her performance was awesome.

    Iggy- why does she look so sad? It is like she knew she was going home empty handed.

    Katy- STOP IT NOW. YOU CANNOT CHANNEL THE MOST AMAZING POP COUPLE TO WALK THE FACE OF THE EARTH WHEN YOUR DATE IS RIFF RAFF. YOU ARE RUINING THIS ICONIC LOOK. i don’t even hate the dress, I just hate that she wore it to the VMAs. I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not.

    k I am done now.

  • http://www.dominiquecandido.com Dominique
  • Gabriela Ruiz

    Amber Rose channeling Rose McGowan, 1998.

  • Sara Hood

    I DVR’d and watched the highlights. My abhorrence for the vacuous and raunchy turn of the late pop-culture phenom has been re-solidified. I’ve had enough twerking, crotch shots, and thrusting to last me a good bit. I must be getting old :-)
    http://www.awomanintheworld.com

  • CAT

    I will be honest, I dislike most of these – very disappointed by Katy Perry, but I quite like Iggy and Beyonce’s outfit. And Kim didn’t look toooo bad… She just had a lot of front on show! Even Usher knew it!

    CAT xo

    What Cat Says | BlogLovin’

  • Michaela

    Glad I slept, too. Love me some Chloe and Solange. [insert thumbs up emoji]

  • me
  • http://www.thechromatist.com/ The Chromatist

    Kim’s making me really uncomfortable… And no, not because she finally excavated her face from all that foundation.

  • Toni May Skidmore

    I am also thoroughly glad I chose sleep over the VMA’s. My Facebook newsfeed was populated enough that I didn’t even need to click on an article to catch up!

    average adventures

  • brunetteletters

    that denim couple is terrible!!! Kim honestly looks better without all that foundation. Her outfit sucks but I think she looks prettier. Kendall’s outfit is O.K. I don’t know what Taylor Swift was thinking…
    anyways…nice recap!
    http://brunettelettersblog.com/

  • http://rightternes.com/ RightTernes

    Taylor Swift looks like she was heading to gymnastics practice and detoured on the red carpet.

  • Guest

    Hahhahah love Katy Perry! Chloe Moretz’s outfit is just to die for :)

  • http://jiaachacruz.blogspot.com/ Jia Achacruz

    I personally liked Kendall, Solange and Chloe`s outfits. And as much as I love Iggy Azalea, I did not like her gown at all.

    P.S. Katy and Riff Raff looked horrible.

    ROUGH & TOUGH☯ | I`m on Bloglovin!

  • Krista Anna Lewis

    Beyonce always poses on the red carpet like a barbie. Queen Bey could definitely pull of a pose where her hands aren’t glued to her outer thighs, and she should. It just looks weird.

  • katrina

    The lady is elegant in the gorgeous gown.
    http://www.kleidmo.com/

  • Cristina Feather

    Besides the horrible Halloween costumes most of these people seem to wear, I don’t get your appreciation for Chloe Moretz. Yes, she looks impeccable, but I don’t find her outfit appropriate for the event and not even for her age.
    And what happened with Taylor Swift? I usually love her on the red carpet, but this is so wrong!!

  • Hereshoping Themayanswereright

    Kim’s giant boobs hanging out of every outfit these days is getting so old.

  • http://mayashawcollection.tumblr.com/ Maya

    Kim’s makeup is so refreshing… for her. I love it.

  • ee_by_cc

    Welp, you pretty much summed it up in LESS than 20 minutes, so I suppose it’s ok that I didn’t DVR the event. Only thing I cared about was Blue Ivy doing the Flawless dance, and there are enough gif’s floating around of that to keep me satisfied.

    http://www.enduringethereal.com

  • Victoria

    the bust of Iggy’s dress looks like a Claddagh ring

  • http://www.daddyshavedamonkey.com Ms. M

    This was clearly a throwback themed event! Amber Rose rewind of Rose McGowan’s past cheeky appearance. Then you have Riff Raff and Katie doing a double throwback- Britney & Justin and Riff Raff is channeling Gary Oldham’s character in True Romance! Yeah, I just dated myself.

  • http://www.littlewildheart.com Alexandra Puffer

    The only thing I love to watch is the audience cam articles on buzzfeed/mashable. I thouroughly enjoy some good side eye and baby Blue singing along to her momma. Also, Iggy murdered it with her slicked hair and the pretty pretty gown!

    Warm Regards,
    Alexandra
    http://www.littlewildheart.com

  • Miriam Kalson

    It looked like one big mess! could not stand it!

  • As If

    The VMA’s are getting old and tired…..Beyonce and Jay Z need to go away for a while, because it is over kill ……we get it, we get it….she is a great enternatiner…. yes yes

  • mercy

    wow , denim was great fashion , love it
    regards tas selempang wanita

  • Colleen

    Amelia’s article from last week is happening… the 2000s are inching their way in.

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