Do You Back-Stalk?
It’s prom day on Man Repeller, which means Christmas came early by way of TBTs as we spent a good portion of the morning looking through our old high school Facebook albums and making fun of each other.
Everyone loves a good back-stalk. It’s a self-indulgent activity that’s relatively harmless, so long as you consider its very real ability to keep you up until 3 or 4 AM as benign. I sure do. Who needs sleep when you can relive the early high school years of that random girl from Comparative Lit who spoke in a South African accent even though you know for a fact she was born and raised in Buffalo? The only danger is in accidentally “liking” an old photo: nothing says, “I was looking for pics of you pre-nose job” quite like thumbs-upping one from 2006.
Even better than back-stalking others, however, and far less dangerous, is personal back-stalking. Who doesn’t take the occasional time out to click through 1,864 photos of themselves? My favorite activity as of late is to delve deep into the archives of my college freshman year and comment on old threads so that everyone involved is notified and therefore pulled into the same dark corners of the Internet. I feel it’s my duty to remind everyone of the time that James got his head stuck in the fishbowl, for example.
But we also do it so that we can imagine how others perceive us. You know, just in case someone else is out there, clicking through that vintage album called “$ENIORS.” Every year I do a full sweep to ensure that my Facebook persona is nothing less than supermodel-esque and/or appropriately hilarious should a potential dalliance send a friend request — never mind previous employers — and each time I find myself smiling from old memories, laughing out loud at forgotten jokes, remembering when life was simple, and de-tagging photos of my double chins.
Back-stalking is one of life’s greatest pleasures. Now raise your hand in the comments if you do it too.
— Amelia Diamond