Deposit Your Weather Woes Here

March 13, 2014

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This morning, I had to drop something off on Worth Street. I could not find a cab from my address on Bowery though to be fair I didn’t necessarily want to find a cab (I am currently three weeks strong on a yellow vehicle cleanse — we can talk about it later), so, as I exited my building, well knowing what lay ahead, I confidently surmised that I’d walk.

Sure, I heard there would be wind, that the temperature had once again dropped but I also thought that the worst was behind us. That after such a pleasant couplet of days, both of which hitting near 60 degree, a 27-day in March couldn’t possibly be as bad as the ones we’ve had to champion heretofore.

The fact of the matter is, though, when married to a wind chill and gusts that run faster than Forrest Gump ever could have, it’s worse.

So. Much. Worse.

On my walk, I counted 16 paper bags flying among the low rises of Soho. I cried because no matter how well I tried to bundle myself up — neck scarf, wool scarf, hat and coat — my eyes were still exposed to the wrath of this day and they refused to stop tearing.

I bled mucus into my scarf because evidently, every orifice that belongs to my face has something to discharge when it winds and at one point, when I hit Canal Street near West Broadway, I actually fell. I know this is much more a function of my being unwieldy but I’d be hard pressed to imagine that I might find myself face to concrete whilst the chirping birds and blossoming hydrangeas of merrier days occupy our city.

When I got to my destination (this was after several bouts of having to walk against the wind which left me looking like a constipated rock climber, holding a large brown paper bag that was acting like a manic version of the Taco Bell chihuahua), I couldn’t feel my fingers or my toes. I strongly advised whoever would listen to stay in doors until tomorrow and then I set out again to return to where I came from. No cabs — just me, my legs, and three loud shrieks — ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! — that would unfold between North Moore and Bleecker Streets.

But now that I’m back and indoors and have shared the tales of my anguish, I think it’s only appropriate that we lament together. Were you blown away in all the wrong ways this morning? Did you try to get a coffee but find that your damn fingers froze before you could even pay? Did the wind kind of feel like an angry parent smacking you for having ruined a freshly painted garage door? Is a hamstring on the backside of your left leg hurting?

I would rather watch my grandmother pretend she is Jenna Jameson in bed than deal with another day like this one. Are you with me?

Okay, okay, maybe I went a little too far but come on! Bitch with us! Use this space as your deposit box of anger and get. It. Off. Yo. Chest.

Catharsis.

-Leandra Medine

  • http://mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr/ Mafalda

    Ha ha, you’re so funny. You’re going to hate me, but today, I took my lunch in the sunny South of France! However, I remember having the same feeling when I went back to study in Avignon, where the wind is so cold you can feel it go through your bones. My solution at the time was to buy a down jacket and Ugg boots and it felt soooo much better… I hate the wind!!

    Mafalda ❤
    http://mafaldadotzero.blogspot.fr

  • Maria

    I was walking along the sidewalk late the other night, and suddenly the concrete turned to a mud pit. The snowplows had pushed a mass of street debris and dirt onto what should have been a concrete path. Unaware of the danger, I walked right on in and both my boots immediately sank to their tops and I fell over into the mess trying to free myself. Grand Rapids ftw.

  • Marissa P

    It’s a sunny, if slightly windy 60 degrees in Southern California. My only thought to the weather before stepping into it was ‘Shall I wear this 3/4 cardigan or a full length sleeve one?’ Because god knows that when the temperature hits 65, I’ll be blistering.

    Had to brag. Had to.

    • Anne

      Sorry, NYC still wins :)

  • thebloginista

    Yeah, I was pretty fucking pissed this morning. My first instinct was to go bitch about it in a Facebook status but then I realized how obnoxious that would be so thank you for giving me a forum to do so here :)

  • thefashionbackpack

    Oh my god, yes. Spending so long on a beautiful outfit and perfectly waved hair, then as soon as I step it WWOAAAHHHHH it’s ruined. Ah, wind. How I despise you.

  • Charlotte Fassler

    This wind coupled with my frozen pipes is no bueno.
    A cold shower was by no means refreshing. The only solace is that it is getting darker later…

    • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

      The state that is California is calling for you loud and clear.

  • MLN

    As is to be expected on freezing days like today, the subway this morning was PACKED. I wasn’t thrilled, but it’s cold, being outside sucks, we move on.

    Now, even brand new New Yorkers know that an empty train car during rush hour is not a blessing from the space gods, but instead means that something horrifying is probably seated in one of the corner benches. Being as such, I boarded a very crowded car assuming that nothing was amiss.

    Wrong. I squished my unwieldy 6′ frame into a space barely large enough for a toddler as the doors closed behind me. Soon after, I detected an odd gurgling noise and spotted a wriggling human somewhere in the considerable crowd before me. A homeless man was snaking through the dense crowd, yelling, spitting, stinking all along the way.

    I glanced around, and instead of impatience or anger or event disgust, I saw blank, listless stares as the weather-beaten people around me tacitly accepted their respective fates – fates that could VERY SOON, VERY PROBABLY involve face contact with a spitting, maybe shitting, homeless man. This horrifying winter has turned all of us no-bullshit New Yorkers into sullen, helpless little puppies. I held my breath and closed my eyes as the giant stinkbomb propelled me and hundreds of other willing participants slowly, deeply, into the city’s underground.

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    Some time mid February, the weather frogs said “No more winter in Germany from now on” and lo and behold, we’ve been enjoying 60s (68 F as of tomorrow) ever since, after having had much sunshine and no snow (this is Rhine valley speaking) whatsoever before. No snow.
    What is more, there was/is so much sunshine going on I haven’t had an opportunity for a serious winter blues this year, the one that goes with having pushed 40 and occurs from January on (December being Sagittarius Time, aka as Daylight Wasting Time).

    Now, apart from all ze littel flauers, the German economy is blossoming, too. And it wants me to deliver some … fertilizer, which means I have been working my ass off since January. Now, what use is sun and blue skies and fluffy small clouds if you can’t remember the first quarter of the year?!?!
    They are good for hiking on Sundays, I can read you say, noone works on Sundays. Well, neither do I (ha!) and yes, I go hiking, loving the sun and the fresh air (and secretly being proud of my brand new haematoma on my ass where a steep forest ground rushed to greet me wholeheartedly) …
    Unfortunately, I am also a student. One that failed her economy exam last time and will re-sit it on 25. Like, March. Like, after having studied a few minutes altogether since last time, Vitamin D being much more important than vitamin B (B = books) – no? So I guess I’ll fail this time, too, all because of the sun …

  • ashli

    i wrote a similar post about this today – mother natures being a menopausal old lady in charge of life’s thermostat and it’s rude

    http://ashliwithaneye.com/2014/03/13/two-can-play-that-game-mother-nature/

  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    I think you guys should have an outpost on a tropical island so that Team MR can escape to their alternative headquarters when need be.

  • morgan

    Love NYC especially when the 4/5 OR 2/3 decide to not run and force me to walk blocks through trash tornadoes. I dodged a mystery take out styrofoam piece.

  • Jessi J.

    This winter. I cannot. I live where it’s even colder. Getting dressed in the morning – let alone getting out of bed – is nearly impossible. Your post on re-purposing sweaters = greatly needed and appreciated.

  • Claire

    I’m in Chicago and I hate everything. We had two days of glorious
    40-50 degree weather this week and were then promptly plunged back into the
    recesses of winter with a snowstorm and 15 degree weather. The snow here has
    melted and refrozen so many times that it doesn’t what to do with itself anymore and
    has settled for turning every street into one enormous ice sheet. Which is sort of nice because I can now ice skate to work. Except I’m terrible at ice skating and my walking-without falling-skills are precarious even in the best of weather, so all this means is
    that I wipe out. A lot.

    Enough with this torture, momma nature. Pleeeease.

  • http://thenouvelliste.com kate

    When I checked out my local forecast and read that it was an arctic 20 degrees out today, my heart sank, but upon further scrutiny, reading in miniature fine print that it actually felt like 5 degrees, my eyes began to well up, partially out of despair and partially as though I had already been beaten raw from the wind. Death is essentially more welcome than this polar vortex, and I find myself longing for the days of oppressive heat and battling unbecoming swamp ass stains- you know, when it’s so damn hot out that not only are you sweating out of all the usual suspects, but your ass also contributes to your state of perspiration?
    … maybe that’s just me, but you know what I mean?!

    http://thenouvelliste.com/

  • Melissa Gagliardi

    I have gone the whole winter without losing a piece hat, scarf, glove, etc. Today my hat AND my scarf flew off my body…

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    I walked out my front door at 7:15am this morning, and noticed that there were no footprints in the snow outside my apartment door. This is strange, since many of my neighbors are 3rd shift workers.

    Until I realized…the reason there were no footprints was because there was a hefty sheet of ICE on top of it. Almost fell right on my ass. Had I done so, I probably would have gone back in the house and emailed my students that I was canceling class and heading back to bed.

    I didn’t fall, so lucky me had to go scrape off my car (I will be SO HAPPY when I don’t have to do that again), head to work, and hope for the best. Thankfully, the sun did eventually come out, and it’s not SO bad right now.

    Then again, that could be because I’m home now, and well into my first pear ale. :-)

  • Matilde

    Yeah my bag go t stolen just a few hours ago. A bag with everything in it; my wallet!!!, shoes, pants etc. just on my way home from fitness. Bycycling.. They just toke it..

  • http://www.dreaminlace.com/ DreamInLace

    Yes, is there a doctor here? Why does my nose leak snot everywhere when it’s cold? As if freezing your butt off isn’t bad enough without your face being covered in mucus!

  • Maria Cristina

    I cried, I think. I wasn’t sure because my eyes were so freakin watery already! Thanks to lessons learned in the early days of the polar vortex I did not arrive at work looking like a member of the Insane Clown Posse because I wore waterproof mascara.

  • Misha Lobo

    And then there’s Toronto… after a blissful sunny Tuesday where temperatures reached a jovial +5, we made amends with the world only to be slapped back to reality on Wednesday with a hearty 5cm of snow and -15 blast of icy pessimism. Any where in the world is better than this.

  • Brie

    oh gawd the mucus covered scarf. hate it. over it. come on spring, get here.

  • leChat

    I started coming down with a cold on Wednesday morning, which gradually blossomed into full blown slobbery snotty HELL overnight: so I didnt go to work/stayed in bed on Thursday.

    While it sucks monkey balls because I cant breathe/feel like my eyes will pop out of my head due to sinus pressure, I’M SO DAMN GLAD I DIDNT HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE YESTERDAY.

  • Charlotte Fassler

    THIS MORNING I PRETENDED IT WAS WARM. IT IS 29 DEGREES.

  • kp

    I moved from NY to the Pacific Northwest last summer. All winter I’ve been whining to my friends how I miss the snow and the cold, and blustery days stuck at home with a book and a huge cup of tea. NO MORE! A week in Chicago and a week in Dallas showed me the error of my ways. Bring on Spring!!!

  • carharjo

    I got a concussion from falling on the ice. I was wearing two layers of hoods and a hat. my brain should have been splattered in the snow.

    stupid ice.

  • Victoria G

    “All I want for Christmas is…. wait, it’s March 12, 2014, in Montreal, QC?!?” 20cm of snow, basically over night. It was snowing sideways and the wind was blowing in every direction at the same time, and they closed most schools for snowdays. I wish offices had snow days…

    But, despite the snow tornado’s that form in every downtown intersection, Five Days Homeless and all of their awesome supporters still managed to brave the weather:
    http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Students+brave+cold+snowstorm+raise+money+homeless/9615149/story.html

  • Kandeel

    I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WINTER. However yesterday i slipped on ice. MY WRIST IS IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN. IN FACT, JUST 1 HOUR AGO I SLIPPED AGAIN. MY DAD JUST KEEPS TELLING ME TO BUY WINTER BOOTS AND I JUST WONT.