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The Summer Salute
07.03.15

When you see someone on the street but can't properly wave because of the situation occurring in your armpits.

A proper hello that connotes true joy and excited-to-see-you-ness involves a fully raised arm wave. If you’re a dad picking up a family member from the airport, you use two arms.

 

However.

 

The summer causes a series of underarm issues such as sweat, sweat stains, body odor, unshaven pits of the unintentional variety, deodorant bundles and weird navy lint that seems to accumulate regardless of what you’re wearing.

 

This makes it terribly, terribly uncomfortable to gave a solid, hey-how-are-ya-wave.

 

Enter: the summer salute.

 

The summer salute is an acceptable albeit visually awkward wave whereby your shoulder, bicep and elbow stay glued to your side, allowing only the forearm and wrist to sway. If you’re a mom on a cruise, you may also do a grabbing motion with your hands, as though you’re squishing the air’s ass.

 

To use in a sentence:

 

Pianopants: What was with Manny’s less than enthusiastic greeting, earlier? Think she’s mad at us?

 

Moustango: Oh, no, she texted me after. She gave us the Summer Salute because she forgot deodorant/to shave/to shower for a year. You know how it is.

 

Pianopants: And how!

Thoughts?