When your hair is teetering that delicate balance between still-looks-good and YOU NEED TO SHOWER. The name comes from the idea that an avocado is not ripe, not ripe, not ripe, then has less than one day of perfection before BAM! it's overripe.
This is a normal face that annoying people misinterpret. This normal face usually just minding its own business instead of doing a full on selfie-cheese when someone comes over and asks "Are you the mean one out of your friends?" To which the only proper response is, "I am now."
Brick and Mortal E-mail
The artist formerly known as snail mail.
Mother Nature circa the 2014 NYC Polar Vortex.
Douche Bag Jar
[doosh bag jahr]
We didn't come up with this term but we sure do use it frequently. Taken from the genius of Mindy Kaling's "The Mindy Project," the Douche Bag Jar (sometimes referred to as DBG) is our way of keeping track of all of the embarrassing things we say in earnest. The jar is most full (both monetarily and proverbially speaking) during fashion week. Past examples include: "I don’t want to be board shorts girl, but I’m so into them," and “I’m not saying ‘having a moment’ anymore.”
Fast Forward Friday
[fast fawr-werd frahy-dey]
Because "inspiration is so much more interesting than nostalgia," Sophie Milrom proposes we set intentions for the future. If, for example, you would like to grow mutton chops, take a photo of yourself with hair tied around your face chin and secured under your chin with a ponytail holder. Take a photo. Glance at it whenever your sideburns feel like their stopping at a less-than-exciting length.
Sometimes it's a vagina, sometimes it's a word-filler
hu·man back·pack [hyoo-muhn bak-pak]
noun - A person with poor line-etiquette and a general unawareness of the acceptable personal space radius (which is at LEAST one yard in urban situations, up to 10 in more spatial environments). Example: "Shannon kept human backpacking me at the bank, it was so annoying. Back off, Shanon."
Note: Human Backpacking can also refer to the act of piggy-back riding, but in this case the rider must be useful. If the wearer needs a pencil, said Human Packpack must be able to hand her one.
Partner In Sex
[pahrt-ner in seks]
A significant other if the two people are, in fact, boning.
Peanut Butter Syndrome
[pee-nuht buht-er sin-drohm]
Credited to Rosie Assoulin, Peanut Butter Syndrome is where you consume so much peanut butter in such a short amount of time you suddenly get so sick of it that you can't bear the thought of ever eating it again. This happens with specific items of clothing, styles, trends and entire outfits as well. The good news is that Peanut Butter Syndrome fades with time.
[pur man frend]
Leandra's alternate word for "husband," because it's her perMANent man friend. Get it? Whatever.
The realization that you have the same misanthropic tendencies of a cranky middle aged man who created Seinfeld. However, due to societal pressures you've generally learned to repress your true feelings or at the very least not speak your mind. Not always, though, and under stressful situations / a lack of iced coffee, the filter drops and all psychotic hell breaks loose.
A dance move wherein you sort of flop around on the floor with your arms by your side and make a face like you're making out with a bubble. This is very popular among no one.
Social Rock Bottom
[soh-shuhl rok bot-uhm]
The moment that you opted to stay home and watch Friends and eat a bucket of fried chicken while texting your mom instead of attending a party that Elton John and Tupac's hologram invited you to. You may have a different scenario but the idea remains the same.
Suz/The Suz/Sus-A-Roo/Aunt Susan
All forms of the name Susan refer to Susan Miller, the unofficial spirit guide of our monthly Repell-o-scope posts.
The Avocado Theory
av·o·ca·do theo·ry [av-uh-kah-doh theer-ee]
Similar to avocado hair, the avocado theory is that men, much like avocados, spend the majority of their early twenties completely unripe and therefore unready to settle down. Then, like avocados are known to do, they go rogue in an instant and are ready to not only date, but want to get married and have babies, when all you wanted was some guacamole.
The Preemptive Save the Date
[pree-emp-tiv seyv the deyt]
An RSVP that goes out ahead of wedding season invitations to inform any and everyone you know who may be thinking about getting married that you cannot attend their wedding should they fall on a variety of specific dates that are either definitely inconvenient, or potentially inconvenient. Holidays like July 4th and Labor Day Weekend are always on the list. There is no limit to the amount of dates you set.
Tinder clichés include, but are not limited to, the following types of pictures that all men seem to have at least one of in their Tinder profiles: The Ostrich Equestrian, The Obama, The Urban Fisherman, The Iron Throne Takeover, The Maury Povich Paternity Test ("that's my niece, lol" caption qualifier almost always included), The Tiger Whisperer, The Famous by Association, The Headshot, The Who Bathroom Mirror Solo Shot, The Englishman in New York, and more!