The do’s and don’ts of matrimonial ceremonies
There inevitably comes a time in every woman's summer when, regardless of her early-spring due diligence (pre-emptive save-the-dates, developing carpel tunnel, etc.) she finds herself at the wedding she swore she wouldn't attend. Nine times out of …see more
The Mercury retrograde is back, takin a nap.
Man do I wish we were at a Chevys right now so I could whisper to the waiter that it was "someone's birthday!" while cheekily pointing at a nearby Gemini, and then 15 minutes later watch as a stampede …see more
Whoever said the best things in life are free must have owned a sugarcane farm.
Disclaimer: I stole this post's promo from an Instagram caption that Sophie Milrom, resident man repeller and kale expert, has been backlogging for months in relation to cashews and cashew farms. How many "I Tried the No Sugar …see more
The following are a list of dates I will be unavailable in the coming months…
Dear Friends, Family and Loved Ones, I am thrilled and excited to announce the following dates that I will be unable to attend whatever event it is that you're planning to blindside me with in the form …see more
Life’s most probing question
Ah, the existential crisis. We've all experienced at least one moment of inner panic while shouting "Who am I?" at the mirror, only to find our own reflections mocking us by shouting the same thing …see more
D.I.Y…eah, I’d rather not.
Ketchup ruins lives. It's the most stupid condiment ever, not because of taste (which is almost as universally beloved as Funfetti frosting), but because its sole mission in life is to drip off whatever food you're eating and land directly on to white. …see more
To the graduating class of 2014: fuck shit up.
Mary Schmich famously told the class of '97 to wear sunscreen. David Foster Wallace, in 2005, reminded the graduating class at Kenyon College that "this is water." George Saunders shared his regrets last year with …see more