If there’s one thing I ask myself every single day without fail, it’s how to be a better human disco ball.
The perks of being a human disco ball include, but are not limited to:
– Light infraction, aka science
– Excellent distraction techniques
– Unicorn baiting capabilities
– The power to cause momentary blindness in the same way that someone who is wearing a watch while hand-writing an essay ferociously by a sunny window can, times a billion
– On-the-Go Saturday Night Fever
If that’s not enough to sell you on a matter that should, ultimately, be priceless, then may I remind you that Raf Simons believed his Dior woman to be no one if she wasn’t glittering up a dang storm in Pre-Fall 2015. (I know it seems like he showed these mere weeks ago, but when you’re considering fashion, weeks can feel like years apart.)
This past week in Paris, amid the Fall ’15 brouhaha and what-I-wore-grams, a few brave women took on Raf’s sequins challenge and reminded the world that glitter is not just a shimmering condiment to ship to your enemies. Why, in the form of neck gear, it’s practically couture.
But in Dior’s iteration, it’s both expensive and impossible to find. So, you have a few options, sparkle beard. One includes smashing a disco ball, covering yourself in glue, and then carefully rolling around in the shards. You’ll note that this is a less convenient glue activity than Leandra and Charlotte’s boa buffet.
Or two, you can satiate your inner magpie by embracing the Next Best Things.
And if someone tells you that all of this sequined crap was supposed to be left behind in your Vegas hotel room after New Year’s Eve?
Allow #FuneralCore Lorde to set the record straight.
Or, get like Kanye and embrace your inner 14-year-old-who-only-agreed-to-go-to-the-mall-to-check-out-Hot-Topic and join me in a large, collective, no-one-understands-me, “UGH.”
Now shine on, you crazy diamonds.