New York’s Best Bathrooms

by Leandra Medine
November 11, 2013
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KMNaomi-shot-by-Mario-Testino

One of the most trying experiences as a New Yorker who runs on Dunkin’ and therefore on coffee is what happens when the runs relocate from, let’s say your legs, to your digestive system.

You’re standing on Mercer Street, right? And you live too many blocks away to get home without first leaving a brown track on your trek. You’re thinking: oh my goodness, oh my goodness, yeah, yeah this it, okay, it’s coming. I am going to make like Sex and The City‘s Charlotte and Poo-kipsie all over SoHo.

You’re partially relieved because you know on the other end of these contractions, there is certainly no baby but then again, you’re about to obliterate your favorite jeans. The ones you just bought, right before getting that third coffee, you fucking moron!

You look around. You see a movie theater. You’ve heard they don’t allow patrons to use the bathroom unless they’re paying customers. You try anyway and much to your dismay and time, the chatter was right. Paying customers only. There’s a Starbucks nearby too but those bathrooms have all too audibly marketed themselves as For The People. The line is practically out the damn door. We’re running out of time.

And then, you lay your eyes on Jamba Juice. It’s your last sliver of hope save for the Balenciaga store. But I won’t even get into that — it’d be the wrong way to blow your load. So you try for Jamba Juice.

You walk in, ask to use the bathroom, the cashier points you toward one looking more like Jesus than any human ever has and BAM! Blast-off diarrhea, contained by a toilet which is pleasantly sterile and then, when all is said and pooped you think: Damn. What will I do if — sorry, when — this happens again?

Thank goodness for Gotham, who has clearly already thanked goodness for Reddit, which has mapped out where some of the best public bathrooms in New York City are situated, sparing no detail about why they’re great. That’s is literal commitment to a pile of shit.

[Game of Thrones: The Best 'Secret' Bathrooms in New York via Gothamist]

Above image shot by Mario Testino

REPLIES
  • Tully

    Is she actually able to pee with her legs crossed like that?

    • http://www.downtownhautefashion.blogspot.com/ Leslie

      Lol that’s what I was thinking.

  • Lauren

    I pee with my legs crossed, because I’m a lady, @bf19f0970991958be8808c26440f36fa:disqus

    • https://www.etsy.com/shop/amatoriaclothing Amatoria Clothing

      hahahahahahaha

  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    I feel like we’re closer after this. #RealTalk

  • http://www.downtownhautefashion.blogspot.com/ Leslie

    haha. That picture is awesome!!

  • http://www.fancyalterego.wordpress.com/ Heather P.

    If there is an app for this, and they charge even a nominal fee for it, the creators will be millionaires overnight.

    Would you pay $1 for an app that tells you where you can poo in an emergency?

    I think we all would.

  • STYLE-SQUARED

    LOL, DID YOU JUST MAKE A POST ABOUT DIARRHEA…!? :) LOL!!!!!!! ONLY YOU CAN MAKE A SANE PERSON READ THROUGH THIS AND I WAS ONE OF THEM ! ;) WELL PLAYED…! :)

    Style-Squared on BLOGGER

    Style-Squared on FACEBOOK

  • http://phantomco.blogspot.com/ Deaunte

    Kate & Naomi = Iconic

    B-Ball

  • Poopermacho

    Leandra, you have articulated my daily plight. Starbucks’ greatest marker is as the public dumping ground of the world but when you’ve gotta go it doesn’t cut it because there is typically a line. Department stores and hotels have some of the best facilities and lack lines…

  • Ludapris

    You’ve never looked more beautiful in my eyes than now, than this. My hero ;)

  • Katrine

    Best Buy toilets – always hidden in the back, never a line and the store is too big for anyone to notice your are going in and out without buying something. I have even planned to be near a store on special days, just to be sure…

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