Can you imagine what it would be like if your bank judged the purchases you make? I can actually recall one pithy anecdote about this one time in 2012 when a representative from HSBC’s highly capable and shrewd fraud protection program called to inquire about some recent activity on my debit card.
“Did you spend $25 at The Smile last Sunday,” the representative asked.
“Yup. Yes. That was me.”
“And $300 at The Ree-for-may-shun?”
“And…damn! Wow! You went to town at Ice-able Muh-raynt, didn’t you???”
And that was the end of the conversation. I didn’t feel uneasy about our brief exchange; said representative was just doing her job and yes, sure, she may have injected some sass into her delivery but to make a week day just a shade lighter, why not? When I retold the story, the greater half of my listeners maintained a singular point of view: when did it become my bank’s job to offer an opinion that could be construed as biased about the way in which I spend my money?
I don’t have an answer but fast forward two years and some months and you can find us in the present moment, about to marvel in a humor piece that comes care of The New Yorker’s Shouts and Murmurs section titled “Alert!”
The story imagines a cell phone with the dexterity to facilitate mobile banking and does so comically, chiefly with its judgment and snark, which would make it a shame for you not to hop, skip and click on over there, read it and then come back and say something wisdomous.
Get it? That’s not a word.