Mobile Banking vs. Man

April 2, 2014

shoutsnmurmursmobilebankCan you imagine what it would be like if your bank judged the purchases you make? I can actually recall one pithy anecdote about this one time in 2012 when a representative from HSBC’s highly capable and shrewd fraud protection program called to inquire about some recent activity on my debit card.

“Did you spend $25 at The Smile last Sunday,” the representative asked.

“Yup. Yes. That was me.”

“And $300 at The Ree-for-may-shun?”

“Me, too.”

“And…damn! Wow! You went to town at Ice-able Muh-raynt, didn’t you???”

And that was the end of the conversation. I didn’t feel uneasy about our brief exchange; said representative was just doing her job and yes, sure, she may have injected some sass into her delivery but to make a week day just a shade lighter, why not? When I retold the story, the greater half of my listeners maintained a singular point of view: when did it become my bank’s job to offer an opinion that could be construed as biased about the way in which I spend my money?

I don’t have an answer but fast forward two years and some months and you can find us in the present moment, about to marvel in a humor piece that comes care of The New Yorker’s Shouts and Murmurs section titled “Alert!”

The story imagines a cell phone with the dexterity to facilitate mobile banking and does so comically, chiefly with its judgment and snark, which would make it a shame for you not to hop, skip and click on over there, read it and then come back and say something wisdomous.

Get it? That’s not a word.

["Alert" by Kelly Stout, via the New Yorker]

  • Esther

    …or, your dad sending you e-mails with the subject line, “why are you shopping nastygal!? WHAT IS THIS” Love the New Yorker piece.

    • kate

      have had the same conversation with my dad

      • Leandra Medine

        MY PARENTS THOUGHT I WAS TOO LIBERAL AND OPEN ABOUT MY BUYING VIBRATORS WHEN I LIVED AT HOME AND NG PACKAGES ARRIVED

  • Andrea

    Just got an alert from chase that wanted to make sure it was me who had spent “21.88 at juice press 5, a fast food restaurant.” Lol.

  • Lauren Connelly

    My bank’s not so much concerned as my mum, who rolls her eyes and makes a snide remark every time a new package turns up on our doorstep….

  • Andrew

    Put perfectly in a video.

    http://vimeo.com/47590143

  • Rafaela Torres

    she could be the screenwriter of “Her”