In My Cart: Marc Jacobs Made Dr. Scholl’s Shoes for $352
And I could not help but pull the g-dang trigger yesterday when above better judgement — that is: the fact that I will no doubt be incapable of wearing these for at least another three months (I am decidedly impatient and thus render anything unusable in the present tense unusable in perpetuity) — I paid $352 dollars to own them.
Will I try wearing them with striped metallic socks to soften the blow of end-of-February? Yes.
Is there a justification system in place given the fact that I could have just purchased the actual Dr. Scholl’s for like, $80? Duh — it might not make sense, but it’s there.
On the one hand, there is the very frank reality that crystal buckles are almost reason enough to do anything. Including hike Mount Everest in a bikini and clogs, for example. So, are these expensive buckles? Yes. But when considering both cost-per-wear and wear-per-feel, they’re also technically free.
Wear-per-feel, by the way, is that thing where every time you put something on you feel like a pop star vacationing on the Spanish Riviera. Priceless.
Justification #2: Fashion is cool because it takes literal, utilitarian objects like a pair of podiatrist-recommended shoes and turns them into a flight of fancy. A reason to get out of bed. Ancient Greek Sandals had the right idea last summer when they rolled out their “Filia” shoe, which I got and nurtured until! One day toward the end of August they disappeared (read: one fell out of my overnight bag without my realizing it until three hours too late). I thought about buying them again but they were a) sold out and b) the season was ending. At this point, I think I can comfortably just add another $60 to the $290 and call it highway robbery all the same, no?
And finally, there’s this: given the fact that I anticipate making questionable outfitting choices all spring long — see: capri pants (and I do mean capri pants) and half zips, I may as well go aLL oUtTtT~!~t, no?
Join me — it’ll be fun! What’s the worst that could happen?
(Don’t answer that.)
Collage by Emily Zirimis