MR Writers Club Prompt: Celebrate Your Most Hated Flaw
03.06.15
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I

Hate

The

Space

Between

My

Armpits

And

Chest.

They look like potato noses and detract from the personality I hope my upper body projects. And they are in it for the long haul, friends.

For about a week last month, I had been working out pretty regularly and momentarily believed the malleable cushions were becoming clay that would form into immobile ceramic vases but alas, I was wrong. That hardness I felt was just my period coming in.

I don’t know why I hate them so much and I am 100% sure that no one else has so much as noticed them. That might be because I am so infrequently topless, but even if I did boast public nipples more often, there’s only a small chance you’d realize what I’m working with here.

There is a bright side, though. I spend a lot of time playing with them. Much the same way Molly Shannon was an expert at extolling the virtues of nervousness by smelling her armpits in Superstar, I can convincingly extoll the virtue of procrastination by pretending my problem areas are actually a nice helping of Play-Doh. So, I’ll sit and play until the cows come home and then forget what I had to do in the first place only to realize I probably didn’t even actually have to do it and by the time this happens, as I mentioned, the cows have already come home so I’m busy dealing with that.

You know, if I’m being really honest, when I thought they were disappearing during that fateful month of exercise, I was vaguely disappointed and feeling a little bit dejected in the same way you might miss an annoying younger brother who has gone to camp for the summer, or a coffee barista who has helped “yippity-you-you” to that hazelnut coffee, “hold the hazel, extra nuts!” every morning for the last six months, which brings me to the prompt.

In ~500 words, I want to know what you hate most about yourself, but only if you promise to find and articulate the good in it. Because at the end of the day, you’re stuck with you until the other set of cows come home (or is it finally vanish?) and as George Saunders once astutely pointed out, “resistance is futile.” We’re not here long enough to hate ourselves, so celebrate the fuck out of your flaws (by next Thursday, March 12th at 12 p.m. EST), eh?

Read the past submissions of your contemporary wiz-kids here.

  • ashleymaciejewski

    I thought I was the only one who had so much disdain for that part of unnamed gobble that makes me love to hate wearing sleeveless tops of any kind. LEANDRA. Kindred spirits attached at the…whatever that thing is.

  • Quinn Halman

    Can I do an inside part? As in, my stomach can’t do well with dairy but thank for being able to deal with bread because i love gluten

  • Autumn

    YES finally someone understands the plight of those with armpit boobs. Though Jennifer Lawrence also understands which makes me not feel so alone in this matter.

  • Allie Fasanella
  • This will be a fun read!

    http://www.FashionSnag.com

  • I have a tiny problem with that area, too. As in, whenever I wear a tube top or dress, it has itself popping like some kind of an armpit muffin top (wat?) – yeah, that’s how I see it but I don’t hate it as much as another thing. I hate the area of my belly right under my belly-button. It looks like some kind of an excessive gut. I HATE IT! I’m working out, I detect some minor progress but in the end I see things like this – over belly-button, nice and well-sculptured abs; under belly-button – still wobbly and soft and sticking out front, despicable gut! I’m dying to wear crop tops and show my abs but that sucker ruins everything! :'( P.S. And I think nobody else notices it, as in I can go gut-blazing any time, but I just feel not good about it, and my miserable existence of crop-tops persona-non-grata continues…

  • Love love love it. The ruffled skirts are gorgeous, and the leather
    pants are too good. butik
    busana muslim

  • I think I will submit~

    Laila from Townhouse Palette

  • This is an amazing prompt! I wanna submit <3

    http://tostylewithlove.com/

    Daphne

  • disqus_1VVMevfupW

    where do I send my submission?

  • Cara

    I hate.hate.hate. my nose. i read this post inside of a day when my disdain struck me particularly. I dislike it so much that I forget that I have it. I don’t even feel like it lines up with my energy. I don’t know why it’s there.
    Forgiveness now…