Sorry, I was counting the number of places a new Google Chrome app replaced the word “literally” with “figuratively.” I stopped counting after 56 but I’ll have you know that we used it properly in 47 out of 56 instances.
So why would Google Chrome do a silly thing like replace one published word with another, unintended word to begin with, right? Simply because both Amelia and I downloaded a Chrome extension that would swap out every use of the former word floating around the interwebs to appear like the perhaps-further-befitting, anterior “figuratively.” (Fine, real talk, I tricked Amelia into thinking I downloaded the extension so that she would, but didn’t actually download itself, chiefly because: how does one go about removing it? Figuratively so confused!)
The extension’s creator (which is currently used by 246 users), Mike Walker, has seemingly taken issue with the abundant misuse of the former word, a totem of 21st century argot, and has therefore instituted his own set of rectification measures which if we had to guess come in the wake of a break up.