My anger knows no fury like kind that erupts when I’m trying to exit the subway but can’t because a million people are trying to run on board. There is no iPhone 8 hidden inside, no Xbox Three Thousand or bag of Special Edition Doritos on this train, so why the hell do they need to get on it so quickly that I am physically unable to GET OFF?
I also cannot deal with ambiguous line-standers, people who talk on their phone while ordering coffee, the assholes (especially during this Polar Vortex) who hold the door open forever at restaurants, cab up-streamers, and, though at the fault of zero humans, I can’t stand building juice: the creepy drips of air conditioning-water that hit your head all summer long.
But do you know what I do love? This illustrated guide to NYC living that explains — via gif, mind you — all the tips, tools, trades and rules that it takes to get by in one very busy city. It tells you exactly how long you’ll need to hold your breath around barricades of garbage, offers an underground subway trick to escape the cold, and advises on such confusing life questions as: What can I eat that won’t stink up the L train? How long can I make out with someone in public before my bag gets stolen? How much should I spend on an umbrella? And so much more!
Some of these may seem like common sense, but if sharing it saves one individual from having to awkwardly avoid those people in Soho with a clipboard and petition to sign, so be it.