Gwyneth Paltrow told the Internet that she and Chris Martin were consciously uncoupling about twenty minutes ago and in those twenty minutes, Twitter has gone ape-shit (fine, I have gone ape-shit on Twitter — what will Apple do now if not find herself eaten to her core? And Moses? What about Moses? Will he feel so comprehensively divided? Like a sea split straight at its middle? Frankly, I blame myself. It was just last week that Paltrow announced she was eager to don “Man Repeller” shoes come summer — but I digress).
While that platform continues to mull over Hollywood’s (and Europe’s) most devastating break-up since Bennifer Anistpitt’s first one-way tango with Angelina Jolie, this platform will first and foremost lend a padded digital shoulder to Ms. Paltrow because a. we love her, b. we fucking love her so much, c. remember that Tom Ford cape dress?, but then, then we’re going to call a spade a spade (or as Charlotte aptly punned, we’re going to call a goop a load of goop).
“Conscious Uncoupling” means “Breaking Up” which has heretofore been a sufficient enough two word, three syllable euphemism to describe the act of two individuals deciding to no longer either co-habitate, co-imbibe regularly, co-bone or all of the above. So why the new grandiloquence? And can we use it in a sentence?
Amelia is consciously uncoupling her ass from carbs. (JK! They’re back together!)
Can you use it in a sentence?
Seriously, though, Gwyn. Call us.