Gawker published a six-step guide by Nitasha Tiku yesterday titled “Gawker’s Guide to Getting Unfollowed,” and I thought the story was going to teach me how to get unfollowed on Twitter. Unfortunately, I already feel like I can be a master of that craft. I’ve alienated an entire gender based solely on the solid, interminable menstruation updates that infiltrate my feed and if I really want to go for it, I’m pretty sure devising fake political opinions can take that count way down to zero.
But no, this is actually an etiquette guide. One that trains you on how to react after you learn you’ve just been unfollowed. Which, as acutely as I can tell, is the modern day, low common-denominator equivalent of being snubbed at a luncheon.
At the risk of giving too much away (though I’d like to say that public shaming — idea #4 — is my favorite of the lot), here is where I suggest that you click on over to see and read the rest of the guide. However, that suggestion is only valid if you promise to come back and share with us, on this robust and growing commenting platform, how you react to unfollows.
Me, personally, I find out the home addresses of the abandoners, go to their places of residence and depending on my mood, either leave dead fish at their doorstep and wait for them to answer the door or instead tell them that I feel like a dejected baby and I won’t stand for it.