There are three things I am definitively bad at:
See, but the thing about item three is that I actually think I can be great at cooking. Like Ruth Reichl good. One time, for example, I put almond butter on grilled chicken. That was awesome. I regularly couple raw carrots with artisanal mustard. No tastebud on my tongue goes dissatisfied. I even put avocados in my smoothies, for heaven’s sake! Michelin potential, no?
But also, I have this weird hang up about not actually being able to cook. It might have something to do with my being “a married woman.” I might feel like a lesser version of the other married women around me, which is so backward — I know — but also, I think, the honest truth.
So! While I reconcile that prehistoric baggage, I’d also like to provide some news! You! Can! Use! — like, for example, this obnoxiously easy pancake recipe that will trick all your friends and in-laws (what?) into thinking you can cook, even if you can’t.
All you need is:
Swear to blog.
If you’re adventurous you can add a “pinch” of sea salt and a “dash” of cinnamon or vanilla, but none of those garnishes are necessary, particularly if you, like me, don’t actually cook and in fact resent when people provide recipes without exact measurements laid out.
Once you have your ingredients, you’re going to throw them into a blender and then once they become a definitive liquid, you’re going to set them on a pan ***that has been lightly oiled down, with the fire on high for about 30 seconds*** (this is an important one, I know from unfortunate experience) in little baby batches about the size of a tennis ball and then! You’re going to watch magic happen. You cook them on each side for just ONE MINUTE and they turn into pancakes!
Pancakes! Real! Healthy! Pancakes. A perfect way to trick your body into thinking it’s going HAM.
Speaking of ham, I once made a great sandwich. It had tuna, basil, lemon and a little bit of metal lid from the tuna can in it.
Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis; collage by Emily Zirimis.