Today in jokes the Internet is ruining: Vin Diesel debuted an untapped talent he clearly holsters as a competent lip-syncher with his posting a video mash-up that featured none other than himself, silently mouthing along to a medley that included equal parts Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse” and Beyoncé’s “Drunk in Love.”
In the 24 hours since he has posted said video, Internet parodies have run amuck but as far as we’re concerned what is considerably more impressive than his camouflage print cargo shorts and the makeshift mic stand in the corner of his room, or even his tugging at his camo-covered wiener between sets is the fact that THE MAN HAS 63 MILLION FACEBOOK FANS.
Here we are, picking out our eyebrows and the hairs that cloak our heads, cursing the evil dictators at Facebook for disabling organic viral content as a cheap ploy to monetize at a higher frequency, while Vin Diesel amasses an impressive following that suggests that at any given moment, upward of four million people are talking about him. Did you even know such a loyal market of Diesel fans existed?
I get it, Fast & Furious was a hit but didn’t that franchise run its course the moment it became a franchise? (Miss you, Paul.)
Maybe he’s like a baby or a cat in that the Internet just can’t get enough of him. I can sort of, I guess, see the semblance between the two known page-view catalyzers and a well-built bald man. I guess? But come on! The man wishes you a happy new year and gets 790k likes. We write you an entire guide to becoming Beyoncé — A GUIDE TO BECOMING BEYONCÉ! — and what do we get? A thumb. One lonesome thumb. Not that we’re bitter or anything — you do you, Vin. Really. It’s just, hook a sister up. Please?