HUNDREDS of New Emojis Are Coming
10.06.17
Feature collage by Edith Young; emojis via Apple. 

Important Friday information: Apple just confirmed that early next week, iPhone users who upgrade to the latest iOS 11.1 software update (or who buy the X) will be blessed with “hundreds” of new emojis. Hundreds!!!! That is so many more emojis. Technically, that could mean anywhere between 200 and 999, but fingers crossed it’s the former because to be perfectly honest, I’ve been having trouble finding 😏 in my keyboard lately and I didn’t even realize 🤸‍♀️ existed until yesterday.

Still, I’m titillated by the possibility that my iPhone has been eavesdropping on me and passed a few of my personal emoji hopes and dreams on to Apple for this latest drop. How about a salt shaker? A 😈 with huge hands, perhaps? Or a long overdue transfer of the 🙈🙉🙊 monkeys to the “smileys and people” section because the 😹😻🙀 cats get to be in “smileys and people” section even though they’re animals. Just saying, there are a lot more movies about primates knowing more than we think and vengefully taking over the world so let’s take preventative measures where we can.

In a strange turn of events, the sampling of new emojis that have been unveiled include approximately zero of my above suggestions. But no hard feelings, I still thought of uses for 13 members of the new freshman class in case you like to premeditate your text responses days in advance which is completely normal and encouraged:

1. Trench Coat

When to use: Any time your friends are borderline disturbed by your internet stalking skills and you need to diffuse the tension while still taking pride in your detective skills. Pairs nicely with 🤣 or 😏 for extra self-awareness.

2. Scarf

When to use: Any time someone’s like, “My neck is kinda cold, what should I wear?”

3. Gloves

When to use: Any time someone’s like, “My hands are kinda cold, what should I wear?”

4. Guy Rock Climbing

When to use: Any time you (I) have to ask your (my) brother what he’s doing instead of answering your (my) mom’s text asking him what he’s doing, so he can relay his response to you (me) in a single emoji that yes he’s alive, he’s just rock climbing, and you (I) can send the same emoji to your (my) mom to save time.

5. Shhhh Face

When to use: Any time you’re slowly sneaking up behind a friend and want to instill a sense of dread juuuuust before it’s too late.

6. Post-Shower Girl

When to use: Any time you need your friends to think you just got out of the shower so they’ll think you’ll meet them on time even though you have no intention of starting the getting-ready process for another 30-40 minutes and will grace them with your presence 45-minutes-to-an-hour late.

7. Steaming-Hot Humble Pie

When to use: After you show up 45-minutes-to-an-hour late.

8. Off-Brand Gandalf the Grey

When to use: Any time you need to end a conversation by confusing the eff out of the other person through sheer randomness of emoji-choice (AKA any time you’d usually use the clown emoji but want to switch it up and/or come off less Stephen King villain-y).

9. Super Angry Potty Mouth

When to use: Any time auto-correct keeps changing everything to “duck” and “ducking,” so, all the ducking time.

10. Broccoli

When to use: When you’re tired of using the leaf emoji.

11. Orange Heart

When to use: When you love someone and it’s also October.

12. Cricket

When to use: When you’re getting ghosted and want the ghoster to know you know you’re getting ghosted, you just want to force them to think about what they’ve done. Most effective when sent in batches of 10 or more crickets.

13. This Lil’ Hedgehog

When to use: IDK, but that thing is so cute.

What emoji itch do you hope finally gets scratched this round?

 

 

 

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  • Hayley

    HA! You made Friday morning at my desk all the merrier today.

  • ValiantlyVarnished

    I’m literally bopping in my chair at work after reading this I’m so excited!

  • DarthVadersCats

    As someone who was so very terribly excited when they included cricket (the sport) in the sports emojis I was deeply misled (for a nanosecond) by Emoji #12 because the heading made me think we were getting fielding positions or wickets or idk the Ashes emoji or something.

    I don’t think we need new emojis but I also think that deploying a fair number of them is the equivalent of throwing confetti into the air and running away in the ensuing chaos so I WELCOME the strange and weird new emojis.

  • Bee

    That trench coat is the emoji I never knew I needed, but now I desperately want it.

  • Abby

    Very glad to see pie included, I do a lot of baking and I swear at least once a week I explain “WHY isn’t there a pie emoji!!”. But I’m sure I’m in the minority on that…

  • nicole

    The birth of new emoji’s is actually super interesting: https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/person-lotus-position/

  • Ulricha Ferdinandsen Bodenhoff

    Polar bear, rosé, papaya, mango, veggie pizza, teapot and a gun-ban emoji please

    • rainbowskies

      Totally seconded!! Even though I don’t drink; I’ll pretend the rosé is pink kombucha which I drink out of a wineglass anyway 👌🏻

  • Alie Cathryn

    I thought Post-shower Girl was Khaleesi at first. womp.

  • rainbowskies

    I think this is maybe already available and I don’t have a fancy enough iPhone for it, but I want red headed people emojis for the larger faces at very least. I have two redheads in my family of 4 and I hate not being able to represent them through emoji in texts and posts. If there were a redheaded bearded one to represent my husband, I would swoon with delight.

  • rainbowskies

    Also, Hi Erica with a C! That’s my name too 🎃

  • Andrea Raymer

    I just really need alternative hair color options. I am super pale and don’t identify with the blonde hair or the black hair emoji. Give me a redhead or even a light brown! At this point I just use the full yellow person because I don’t feel represented.

    • Betsy

      Yes! Redhead emoji pls! I use the yellow too because it makes less sense for me to use the other colors.

    • tmm16

      REDHEAD EMOJI FTW

  • Birth of new images are fabulous keep it up

  • I think Pic shows the hand come on the girl head like slap LOl and under the emoji shows keep silent otherwise that hand comes anyone on the head

  • kay

    CRICKETS!!! 100% for that use, erica your horn has pierced the sky today

  • cool… but still waiting for the ginger emojis…. :::insert cricket:::::

  • Xaolynn Lee

    how come they got hot pie and no dumpling?

    • THERE *IS* A DUMPLING! I had to make some cuts to my lineup, but I repeat, there IS a dumpling!!!!!

  • Jamie

    Fun article by pro climber Sasha DiGiulian on the rock climbing emoji (and how emojis are born in general):
    https://www.outsideonline.com/2164126/introducing-first-female-climbing-emoji

  • Cordelia

    Welsh flag emoji.

  • i need that orange heart in my life!

  • I like the post-shower girl, too cute!

  • That adorable hedgehog may compete with the levitating man in a business suit for my favourite multi-purpose just-because emoji!