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Stop Telling Me Summer’s Almost Over!!!
08.03.17
So What Month
So What Month

Staples, I’m going to need you to stand the hell back with that “Back to School” deal.

Bed Bath & Beyond, don’t you dare bring up shower caddies right now.

Target, you released a “study haul” commercial in JULY. No pun is so clever that it should invade the middle of my summer.

Gap…okay, your commercial made me well up with emotions. You stay.

But everyone needs to cool it the fuck out with “since fall is almost here/summer’s nearly over” BS scare tactics. This is getting RIDICULOUS.

There are 31 days in August and 21 days of summer in September. September 22nd is the last official day and by then you’ll be all juiced up for pumpkin spice shit and a cool breeze.

But are you counting?

That is EIGHT.

WEEKS.

OF SUMMER.

I blame Instagram for making us too hyper-aware of the calendar. We’re so consumed by “Monday’s got me like” and “Fri-yay” posts that we constantly know what day it is. Did you know what day it was when you were a kid mid-summer? Did you even ever know what time it was?

No! And you were a kid so you were not drunk.

Speaking of which, I blame all of us for taking proper showers instead of using pools, lakes and oceans as our main source of hygiene.

I also blame every e-commerce store who’s chosen to feature “suede booties” on its homepage. No one needs suede booties in August, and potentially not ever because I think we all still have a pair from yesteryear. Get those suede booties out of here, immediately. Run along, suede booties. It’s past your bedtime.

I blame our vigilant sunscreen use. Honestly I do. I’m so glad we’re protecting our skin but sunburned Steve in the office used to be a nice reminder of a summer still here, and now he’s so SPF-responsible that I keep thinking it’s winter.

I blame fashion for making flip flops a thing, because their *thwak thwak* sound used to act as a summery mating call; now it’s just another shoe on the sidewalk.

I blame press releases that hope to get fall products considered in time for publishers’ deadlines. I blame publishers for having deadlines because that feels very un-summer. I blame stores for needling into consumers’ anxiety, convincing us that by the time we really need something, it will be gone in our size.

I blame every restaurant without outdoor seating!!!

But most of all, I blame us. This is our attitude, our problem. We perpetuate the narrative that summer is over once July 4th ends, then we harp on it until it’s actually over. However, just as we have the power to accidentally shut down summer, we have the power to make it last. So today, a call to action: Let’s come together and celebrate that it’s still summer, and that we’ve got a while until it’s not.

Ask people how their summer is going and remark on how long the days are. Slap pink zinc on your nose to run errands. Either go commando or wear a swimsuit — but never underwear. Bring back straw hats. Wear sandals to important meetings. Don’t turn on a TV unless it’s absolutely necessary and avoid commercials at all costs. Put your phone on airplane mode and after work, shut your computer off. Drink a god damn margarita, virgin or not.

We can do this, but we have to do it as a team. SO WHO’S WITH ME? Share your grand plans for expanding the season down below and let’s jump the hell on it.

Photo by Louisiana Mei Gelpi.

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  • Hayley

    I appreciate your zeal, but I’m so ready for the fall and winter. I’m fair skinned and burn by just thinking about the sun, and ever since quitting birth control this year (thanks in part to Haley’s article months ago), I’ve been running super warm/sweaty all season. I am in love with the AC this summer, and can’t wait to have goosebumps again come October. Plus, comfy sweaters are the best. Leather jackets are the best. Sweaty thigh chub rub is the worst.

    • Jessica Downing

      I’m with you! I’m ready to not be sweating constantly and getting sunburnt from just walking outside. I have a section of new fall clothes in my closet I’ve bought recently that I’m dying to wear but I can’t because we have a heat wave and it was 110 degrees here yesterday. And chub rub is indeed the worst. Can’t wait for fall!!!

    • Jules

      I agree!!! I’m a fair skinned, easily-prone-to-chub rub late September baby (aka predisposed to loving fall) who lives for my leather/denim jackets, layers, blanket scarves, boots etc etc! I also love the rosy cheeks look on chilly days

    • Amelia Diamond

      ok not to toot my own saxophone but for chub rub: http://www.manrepeller.com/2017/06/megababe-chub-rub-thigh-chafe-stick.html

      • Hayley

        I actually bought that and love it, but I so often forget to pack it with my things so I get a good AM application and then suffer in the afternoon. Yes, that’s my own fault, but whatever.

    • Aydan

      I love Leandra, but to co-opt her hashtag #hatesummerloveeverythingelse

    • I can respect this. I’m Black and they say we tend to thrive in warm weather but I have thicc thighs and I can’t with this southern heat. But I love everything else about summer – vacation, ice cream, lemonade, colorful clothing, laid back attitudes, summer music, summer movies, summer festivals and my birthday lol!

  • Nicola V

    “I blame every restaurant without outdoor seating!!!” Lol. Amen! Nobody is allowed to use the f-word (Fall) around me. Don’t want to hear it. Until September 22nd, I chose to believe that summer will last forever, and I will enjoy every goddamn moment of it.

    • Kiks

      I have a trip to the city planned for mid-Sept, and I’m fully treating it as a summer vacation. Just booked a hotel with a rooftop pool, in fact!

      • Amelia Diamond

        yup love that

    • Amelia Diamond

      the f word!!

  • Darling I love your point of view ! It’s that glass half empty or glass half full , who the f*+k cares give me a drink 🍷
    Jandrew
    Dress The Part
    http://www.jandrewspeaks.com

  • Elizabeth

    I am in medical school and we started school two weeks ago. Now I just wish it would get cold. Nothing it worse than watching beach snaps when you are stuck in a library. I also had to unpack all my sweaters early because said library is frigid…

    • Amelia Diamond

      blah ok but you’re amazing for being in med school!!!

    • spicyearlgrey

      O MAN i can relaaate

  • Patrizia Chiarenza

    Amelia, this is pure GOLD! I laughed all the way through and I wholeheartedly agree! SUMMER FOREVER!!! (but at least until September 21st)

  • HERE FOR THIS.

  • Sophie

    I’m not even in school anymore and the back to school aisle makes me want to run far, far, away. Summer forever, please.

  • Spanky

    Please teach us how to wear hats! I need to master in the next 8 weeeks.

  • kelleylynn

    sweet jesus, I agree with this so hard. It’s rainy and cool up in my neck of the woods today, and soooo many folks are all over social media saying things like, “it feels so great! It feels like Fall!” and I’m like “shut the hell up”

  • Basil

    I really wish, but london weather is not playing ball. We had some really good HOT weeks, and now it’s rainy, grey and cold.

  • bye i had to go to my first orientation on MONDAY and tomorrow I have to be at my school at 4:30 in order to get a somewhat decent parking spot. and then another orientation even thought i’m taking one (1) college class.

  • Rachel D.

    Ugh, I’m with you in theory but I’m living in the UK now, and it’s been grey, windy, and rainy for TWO WEEKS straight.. maybe three now. It’s gotten to the point where I’m actually watching CHRISTMAS MOVIES. In AUGUST. I can’t even with this country.

  • Kat

    I’m so so trying to appreciate summer still and my newfound love of menocore (hello linen!!) but this morning I discovered Dior’s 2017 fall couture collection and now all I want is more of that Sherlock chic goodness

  • Hansika Vijayaraghavan

    Preach.

  • Anne Dyer

    Sunburned Steve – ahhhahahaaaha

    I am letting summer live on for my kids, swimming IS as good as a shower, ice creams count as dairy and no one needs to work on their spelling to impress their fellow kindergarteners.

  • Hil

    I bought a second straw hat (upf 50) two days ago

  • Caroline Keene

    Summer is only over in mid October after it’s officially been cold for a straight week, your tan lines are a distant memory and there’s not a single grain of sand to find crusting the bottom of the falling apart Coach bag you stole from your mom 9 years ago. People talking about summer being over in August are the epitome of FAKE NEWS. Thank you for sharing your truth. (Also your hair.)

  • Right??? It’s still summer! And then there’s Indian summer in September to look forward to! I work as a visual merchandiser and this week we got giant fur coats in. It made me sad, even though said coats were pretty nice. Retailers seem to be pushing fall earlier and earlier every year 🙁

  • gracesface

    As a Texan, I can distinguish between 95 and 105 degrees and it feels positively refreshing at a cool 90 right now…been daydreaming about visit a friend in the mountains of Colorado all week!!

  • Sarah

    Amen! I have a habit of pretending it’s summer until Thanksgiving, reading outside in my hammock and drinking spiked lemonade until it’s too cold for flip flops to be acceptable footwear.

  • Christine

    Even worse, I live in Florida, where we get maybe 1.3 months of fall/ sweater/ jacket weather a year! :'(

  • Jaime Gelpi

    it’ll basically be summer until thanksgiving here (and starts promptly in march) in louisiana so #lovesummerhateeverythingelse is pretty much always a relevant hashtag

  • ashley

    obsessed over hobes and no 6 boots yesterday, guilty as charged ❄️

  • DA

    As someone who’s been living in a tropical country for a few years…the hot humidity gets old…I definitely miss my winters, even the shitty Texan all sleet two snowflake winters. Having said that this: “I blame stores for needling into consumers’ anxiety, convincing us that by the time we really need something, it will be gone in our size” is an all seasons quote! love it! Hate it when they say that and markdown even more. I feel like I’ve lost money :/

  • spicyearlgrey

    SUNSHINE is the ONE thing (excluding people) that NEVER fails to make me smiiiiiile

  • True

    I love this, Im not ready for summer to be over! I’m enjoying my skin feeling so dewy and not having to cover up with a jacket. And if butt sweat on the subway bothers you, don’t sit down. I think people easily forget about the lows that come in the winter. While there are many lows in the summer, they are much more bearable because you can put on a slinky dress and dance it out. Regardless, part of the reason I live in New York and not LA is so I can experience all of the seasons, all of the emotional growth and change that comes with it.

  • Nickie

    I could not agree more!! My daughter’s school calendar changed this year and she started back the end of July…the bright side was I didn’t feel pressure to run out and buy school clothes!!! She is still in summer clothes (ok, i don’t send her to school in bathing suits and beach attire, but you know what I mean). I love that the days are still long so when I get home from work, I mentally don’t feel rushed to do dinner and bath time and bedtime. I know the time is still the same, but for some reason, the daylight keeps me more relaxed. Weird I guess but true.

  • IMMA BUY A PAIR OF SANDALS. And wear tulle! Because we have EIGHT WEEEEEEKS!!!

  • Eva

    Very true! Drives me nuts, this eternal focus on the end of things, where brands/media are pushing for you to be in the next period while we’re still in the middle of the previous one which should be savoured while it lasts…! Keep on walking around with those espadrilles, sunburnt noses and funky colored nails for as long as possible;)

  • lillian c.

    ok but this also means i only have three more months to plan and execute at least three elaborate halloween costumes and figure out what band’s songs I want to cover for the inevitable halloween cover band party. SO

  • Lee Ten Hoeve

    I am with you Amelia. Let summer shine on! People pushing fall gets me grumpy. I love fall, but in its due time.

  • molly_maureen

    yes yes yes yes yes! thank you! finally someone put this societal atrocity to rest! long live summer! why are we in such a rush to get to chilly days anyway? it’s like everyone mentally blocks out the progression of seasons. don’t forget, winter comes after fall, and fall weather only lasts for like three weeks, so…

  • jillylovesthecardinals

    This article MADE MY DAY!! I don’t get why everyone is so into fall when all they do is complain Nov-April that it’s so freezing and they want summer. Enjoy the moment, people! SUMMER FOREVER!!!! (Also, disregard my Chilly Willy pic…I can’t figure out how to change it and I know it’s so wintery blechhhhhhh).