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I Think Haim is Responsible for My Sunglasses Addiction
07.29.17

According to the internet, Avril Lavigne is probably dead and Katy Perry is JonBenét Ramsey who is probably not dead, but I have a decidedly less morbid musician-based conspiracy theory that also needs to be put on the internet: Haim is actually a subliminal sunglasses ad campaign that’s so convincing they seem like nothing more than your everyday hit sibling pop-rock band (possibly a successful Hanson reboot, capitalizing on the subconscious nostalgia of the same audience who fell in love with the three brothers from Tulsa, Oklahoma in 1997 like yours truly, but that’s a whole other conspiracy theory I have yet to pitch 🙃).

Not sold? Riddle me this: Do you own three or more pairs of sunglasses? And this: Do you listen to and/or follow Haim on Instagram? If my paranoia is functioning correctly, there’s a high likelihood that if you answered yes to one, you answered yes to the other. If you answered yes to only one, or didn’t answer yes to either, then I guess buckle up and join me as I spiral; you’re here anyway.

Remember the amazing 2001 Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack and the kinda okay film that went along with it where we find out Parker Posey‘s record label has been planting subliminal messages in pop songs to get teens to buy things? This is basically like that except instead of things, it’s sunglasses, instead of lyrics, it’s stylish photography via Instagram, and instead of Rachael Leigh Cook, Rosario Dawson and Tara Reid (!!!), it’s Este, Danielle and Alana Haim. Don’t worry, I brought evidence. Let’s it break down:

1. Exhibit A: Haim’s Convenient SoCal Origin Story

Este Arielle Haim, Danielle Sari Haim and Alana Mychal Haim are from the San Fernando Valley. Like THE valley everyone talks about when they say “The Valley.” It’s in Southern California, which is notorious for being sunny. Full disclosure, I too have a Southern California origin story and so. many. sunglasses. As a Cal-ih-for-nyuh Gurl, I know firsthand that sunglasses cease to function as an accessory and become a necessity. I know this. And I think whoever runs the sunglasses corporations of the world and whoever runs Roc Nation also know this. Because you’re probably thinking: They’re also ladies from the L.A. area, Erica. Maybe they just need sunglasses as much as you do? Did you ever think about that? Yes, that’s literally all I think about because that’s what what they WANT us to think and WE’RE THINKING IT.

2. Exhibit B: This Kinda Boring Chart About Eyewear

I took a grand total of one (required) statistics class in college so I know how important it is to have graphs and charts to point to when making claims in the real world. If you carefully study this super scientific chart I found by googling “sunglasses market trends,” you’ll notice the steady upward tracking of shares. But what I really want you to notice (and what They probably don’t want you to) is that this chart starts in the year 2014. Interesting. Do you know what happened at the end of 2013? I give you…

3. Exhibit C: The “Days Are Gone” Album Cover

Yes, ladies and gentleman, Haim’s debut album was released September 27, 2013. Rest assured, I did take a step back and wonder if this whole theory was simply a case of the ol’ Baader-Meinhofs — if I’m just now noticing all the impressive sunglass-wearing due to the promotion of their long awaited album “Something to Tell You” and because I can’t come to grips with how many pairs of sunglasses I own. But then I stopped being a sheeperson (help, what is the singular form of sheeple, or does that not exist because the very definition of sheeple is to be a collective?) and woke the fuck up, because four WHOLE years ago, this is how we first met Haim, folks. Legs crossed, lawn chairs out, sunglasses on.

4. Exhibit D: This Suspicious Interview With Haim’s Stylist

When I saw the headline for this interview in my Facebook feed, I immediately clicked it because I had to know: Is the stylist picking all the sunglasses? Are the sisters picking the sunglasses? Do they swap?! Tell me the brand names and colors and styles of ALL THE SUNGLASSES! But alas, there are ZERO mentions of sunglasses whatsoever (I read it and later Command + F searched for “sunglasses”). Again, rather interesting to omit any mention of such an integral part of Haim’s aesthetic. The lady doth protest too much, methinks, if you know what I mean.

5. Exhibit E: 90 Percent of Haim’s Instagram

The most damning evidence of all. Proceed with caution.

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

When was the last time you bought new sunglasses btw?

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

You could use a new pair, huh?

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

buy

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

some

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

sun

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

glasses

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on


Do it.

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

Do it now.

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

A post shared by HAIM (@haimtheband) on

I rest😎my 😎case😎.

Get more Pop Culture ?
  • Imaiya Ravichandran

    i can’t read about haim without thinking about this:

    https://twitter.com/tropicocunt/status/777024089236135936?lang=en

  • God bless this article, and you for writing it 🙏🏻

  • Yes! I love Haim’s style so much and there really was a lack of discussion of those kick ass sunglasses

    – Natalie
    http://www.workovereasy.com

  • Hayley

    I’m a member of the prescription sunglass group, and I always return to the same shaped Ray-Bans year after year after year. I know, boring, but I have a weirdly-shaped head! I do the same thing with my Rx glasses though — for whatever reason, Ralph Lauren is the only designer I’ve found that makes glasses that somehow flatter my huge noggin.

    • Tess

      prescription sunglasses are maybe the greatest thing to have happened to my summers! Before I had to commit to wearing contacts in the morning, or a day of constant squinting or debilitating blurriness.

    • Jeanie

      It’s ok. Ray bans are so good, I notice I just keep reaching for my pair even though I have other options.

      • So good I’ve been buying a new pair of Ray-Bans (in a different shape) every spring for the past 5 springs help I can’t stop.

  • I do not like sunglasses because people in them does not look real

  • Yawynne

    OMG!! I thought I was the only one, they were the final push towards me buying some Karen Walker sunglasses……. whilst it being the middle of winter here and I being a broke student. Wise choices.

  • Leandra Medine

    I love you so much

  • Bea

    I just wrote a post about haim… and one about sunglasses… This one wins. 😎

  • Lucinda Bayly

    Ok hear me out – I think this newfound obsession with sunglasses across the board comes directly from Instagram. If you have a bucket of sunnies at home, no matter where you’re snapped, or what you’re snapped in, you can always look like you’re wearing something different if you switch up your sunglasses. Your Instagram can convey a super diverse style without you ever having to even change your outfit. In the Instagram age where our friends and family snap our every move, it’s the sneakiest way to curate your Instagram content to make you look stylish as hell. Idk, maybe that’s just me though.

  • I want to frame this entire story and hang it on my wall

    • If you do, will you take a picture of it and send it to me so I can frame THAT and hang it on my wall?!?!

  • Maggie Lanham

    YES THE JOSIE AND THE PUSSYCATS SOUNDTRACK = HEAVEN BETWEEN MY EARS. Please do a follow-up fashion story for that movie, too. You know there are some gems!

    • Lucinda Bayly

      Oh yes please! This movie was so instrumental in my style development. We need a story on this. That leopard print suit she strutted around the city in while being brainwashed by those earphones.. Iconic. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/30d5fefd7e374ea4dbe3bba03b15332f5467dc58fa6d252bacc015501aa5e84c.jpg

    • Will pitch this as soon as I finish listening to “Pretend To Be Nice” on repeat for the 20th time.

      • Maggie Lanham

        This past May, two friends and I actually had a Josie and the Pussycats-themed birthday party which at the beginning of the night just equated to people watching the three of us shout/sing “Spin Around” and the ever-so-emo “You Don’t See Me”

  • Kay Nguyen

    Haim is seriously too cool! They can pull of anything, I have been obsessed with them for years now <3

    https://www.myblackcloset.com/

  • Autumn

    Can we all agree that Amelia Diamond is the 4th member of Haim??

  • Ana Beatriz Quinto

    I love their music and style

  • scm

    Great article! But PLEASE take pity on sad little me – I cannot for the life of me find who makes those those rust-colored round plastic sunnies that Danielle is wearing in some of the group shots. They’re not the Moschino ones linked at the bottom (different temples – no gold Moschino cutout logo). Any help would be deeply appreciated <3

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/d5f6830febbce1d865703bd470adb869a7dd9f63d1dcee0ad949a0ab413e459d.jpg