MyTheresa.com has gone on wild, irresponsible, there’s-no-way-this-is-real sale. To quote Kelly Clarkson’s lyrics from my favorite Sandals Resorts commercial of all time, “Some people wait a lifetime/ for a moment like this.” A lot of the stuff is still expensive, yes, but when prices are so slashed that it makes you wonder if the smiley face from Walmart got drunk doing rollbacks and moseyed over to MyTheresa at midnight, I tend to rationalize that which I wouldn’t normally.
For example: these beautiful and perfect Miu Miu shoes are now $414. That is dumb if you consider that they are glittery Mary Jane heels with mismatched ribbons and like, none of us need Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz‘s punk phase on our feet.
…But they used to be $690 and I’ve wanted them forever, so isn’t that almost free???
Be quiet, bank account, no one asked you. Because the sale is so amazing, here are all the things I am seriously considering getting, keeping in mind that A) I can only do ONE thing under $500, preferably under $400 B) It’s going to require a lot of retrospective saving, AKA, going over to my friends’ apartments during times they just so happen to be cooking dinner so that I can “just pick” and then eat the whole thing and C) I need your help so shout out your vote in the comments section and then team, please, help clear the sales racks with me. What should I/you/we get?
1. Okay, so first place goes to those gold, glitter with one gingham ribbon Miu Miu shoes.
2. These Big Bird yellow-feather-embellished Prada sandals. (CAN I SELL A SHOE OR WHAT.)
3. Plaid Prada flatforms that are as much a pair of tongue twisters as they are a piece of work.
4. Polka-dot Charlotte Olympia mules in heel form. They’re birthday shoes.
5. Green suede (chic, chic, chic) tall boots from Isabel Marant — buy now, save for fall.
6. The same yellow Rosie Assoulin top-knot top I talked about in Should I Buy This.
7. …Whoops. Here it is again in red-and-white stripes. When you know you know.
8. Speaking of Rosie, her Bearded Iris top is under $400. That blows my mind because it’s just as much art as it is shirt.
9. A Miu Miu raincoat that looks like something out of a Slim Aarons shoot and OKAY SO IT’S OVER MY BUDGET. Did you not just here me reference Slim Aarons!!!
10. These cute khaki Miu Miu shorts that are the answer to suffocated thighs.
11. A kissy-face Prada skirt that makes ya wanna kiss it.
12. A floral Prada skirt that makes you want to own a collection of patterned Prada skirts, which would mean scooping up the kissy-face one while we’re all at it.
13. DRIES VAN NOTEN IS ON SALE and so is this lovely tulle top in black. A world’s worth of layering opportunities if there ever was one.
14. Speaking of Dries, these jacquard pants are under under $350. How??
15. Or what about this lemon-yellow Dries blouse that would make your closet prettier by virtue of hanging in it alone.
16. Finally (I know, I can’t believe I clicked off the browser, either), I want these Sanayi 313 shoes that look like they belong with linen.
17. Boom. Tricked ya from the above. Are you mad this list doesn’t round out to 20? Don’t be. Dries Van Noten, the brand, counts for three bullet points, at least in sales world. I would love to timeshare this cream-colored open jacket with puffy sleeves if we’ve got any takers?
Yes? No? Maybe? You know where to find me. Down below with my headphones on, listening to early 2000s commercials featuring Kelly Clarkson.