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Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell Make a Strong Case for Not Getting Married

I have a new 30-year plan

05.10.17
NEW YORK, NY - CIRCA 1990: Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn circa 1990 in New York City. (Photo by Sonia Moskowitz/IMAGES/Getty Images)

I’m just gonna say it: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, as a couple, are perfect. As a freshly born, semi-single 27-year-old, they represent a unique relationship model I can really get behind. It’s unparalleled. She is doing press for Snatched right now, the whatever movie she filmed with Amy Schumer, and — thank god — is dishing on her relationship with Kurt in the process. Or, as I’ve called the two of them my whole life (A.K.A. this morning), Gurt. There is much to learn.

First and most importantly, they’ve been “happily unmarried” for 34 years, as People put it in its recent profile of Goldie. This bucking of convention is hardly mentioned; Goldie’s proclaimed “secret to happiness” with Kurt is actually pretty vanilla. “Love, gratitude, compassion, because sometimes every man or every woman will drive their partner crazy. Family. Fun. Laughs. Sex,” Hawn says. “If you don’t nurture that, and remember, you’re done.”

There’s more to it, though, and I’ll get there shortly, right after we collectively appreciate that she mostly likely shared this wisdom while perched atop a baby pink chair, breathing distance from an overweight Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

Goldie Hawn photographed with her dog, Rupert, at her house in Los Angeles, CA, on May 5, 2017. Photographer: Peggy Sirota Hair: Riawna Capri/KÈrastase Aura Botanica/Cloutier Remix Makeup: Joey Maalouf/ISH.co/TheOnly.Agency Stylist: Sophie Lopez/TheOnly.Agency Clothing Credits: Pink Sweater - White and Warren Cami ñ Dolce and Gabbana Jeans ñ Mother Denim (Goldieís own) Shoes ñ Sergio Rossi Earrings Ippolita

via People and my big, meaty heart

(Goldie, btw, is my true bang inspiration.)

My first exposure to the enviable enigma that is Gurt was the acclaimed film Overboard, wherein contractor Dean Proffitt, played by a mostly nipples-out Kurt Russell, cons rich yacht owner Joanna Stayton, played by a doe-eyed Goldie Hawn, into believing they were married, when really she’d just fallen overboard and lost her memory. No spoilers, but this movie taught me that we’re all just 100 lies away from true love. You should see it if you haven’t. Also, it taught me what a real hunk looks like. My mom always had a thing for Kurt Russell. We teased her about it mercilessly, but now I have to fold my hand. She was right.

Hi Dean, need a hair tie? I have a spare and those tresses would look gr8 in a honey bun.

Overboard was made in 1987, but Gurt actually met in 1984, on the set of should-have-been-Oscar-nominated film Swing Shift. I feel relieved they’ve loved each other for my entire life and more. They’re my rock (just kidding mom and dad) (kind of). “He was so good-looking, but he had no pretense about him. I could tell right away he wasn’t a womanizer,” now-71-year-old Hawn told People of her first impressions of now-66-year-old Russell, confirming something I’ll now keep my eye out for: no pretense.

This is starting to get to the heart of the matter, which is that she seems to truly appreciate Kurt’s authenticity and has no intentions of thwarting it, even if that means giving him space. And he does the same for her. “We’re human beings,” Hawn says, of the oft-lamented challenges of monogamy. “Would you want a man who doesn’t look? Who doesn’t feel inspired by the beauty or the curves of a woman’s body?” It’s a more honest approach to love, isn’t it?

“There is, I guess, an elasticity to the relationship. Otherwise it’s going to break, just like a rubber band.”

This is some therapy-level insight. And just what I needed, as I’m currently in the throws of re-evaluating my relationship with labels (THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER ARTICLE). I’m almost ashamed I didn’t turn to my favorite couple sooner for advice. I like the idea of elasticity instead of rules, respect instead of contractual promises. Isn’t it kind of refreshing?

Let me be clear that Goldie and Kurt are the only two people for which I’d allow myself to use the term “couple goals.” And that’s really saying something, as I normally reserve it for unexpected, mutually beneficial animal pairings.

#couplegoals

My adoration for them knows none of my cynical bounds. I genuinely squealed when I found out they got stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame right next to each other. Did you see them kissing on their stars last week? “It turned out to be a lovefest,” Goldie said of the day. “The last thing he said was, ‘I’ll always cherish you.’ I didn’t expect him to say those things. I had no idea he was going to be so beautiful.”

I could have guessed he would, but maybe I’m a little biased. What can I say? I’m just a Goldie, standing in front of Gurt, looking very non-commitally for my Kurt.

Photo by Sonia Moskowitz/Images Press via Getty Images.

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  • Sabah Malik

    ‘I’m just a Goldie, standing in front of Gurt, looking very non-commitally for my Kurt’ – nametag at my next singles mixer

    • Haley Nahman

      u have my full support obviously

  • Alex S

    Define “semi-single.” Very intrigued and curious.

    • Haley Nahman

      Ty for asking. I’m part of what scientists call A Thing

      • Zooey P

        ditto

      • Aydan

        good luck!!! mine fell apart rather abysmally a couple of weeks ago, but I am picking myself off that damn floor!!

      • girl you are bloody hilarious – love you! and your writing 🙂

    • BarbieBush

      omg no. semi-single or not I am “v intrigued and curious” about this “re-evaluating relationships with labels” business. If @haley_nahman:disqus comes out as not straight in an article on this website my heart will stop. Also I know this is inappropriate and I am sorry.

    • Ti Nguyen
  • Maggie Lanham

    It’s not as if I ever questioned it, but man, Manrepeller really is my place. I have had a very real crush on Kurt since I saw him in “Big Trouble in Little China” and my love and adoration for him and Gurt only continue to grow (for a while there was the anger phase toward Goldie that she’d found such a perfect companion but now I’m all support). My own dude accepts my unrequited love for Kurt and has gotten me an autographed picture and a “BTiLC” t-shirt and action figure, for which I am eternally grateful. Best of luck in search of your own honest, full-head-of-hair, knee-weakening-smile, once-a-“barefoot-executive”, pretenseless partner!

  • Just wanted to say I love your writing style! It’s so unique but so good and makes for an interesting read!

    Amy // http://www.thenoiseinwonderland.com

  • Lizlemon

    Yes Haley my couple goals too! They warm my icy, cold heart

  • sin_plomo

    Love Gurt. So pleased to read another reference to Overboard in such a short space of time!

  • real tears here