This App That Lets Strangers Rate My Appearance Is What Was Missing From My Life
I’m just so happy it exists
Tired of the careful, couched feedback you’ve been getting around how beautiful people think you are? Want the real honest truth about where you fall on the 1-10 scale? Download Spontana, the newest disturbing scar on the arc of modern narcissism. Blatantly branded in the same chunky cursive as Instagram, Spontana enables you to upload selfies to a band of altruistic strangers who will tell you how good looking they think you are. Say goodbye to reading into your Like/Comment statistics on IG and say hello to your official, totally objective beauty grade.
“The role of Spontana is to satisfy your desire of getting feedback on what different people think about your current look,” says the app’s site, literally answering our prayers.
It’s important to satisfy this particular desire, which stems from the patriarchal paradigm that did us the favor of defining feminine beauty and then demanding we all value it, invest in it and worship it. I’m grateful someone found a way to capitalize on this particular gap in the market and am excited to come to terms with what other Spontana users think of my nose.
If you, too, are eager to double down on how much you care about what people think of your face, I recommend you climb aboard. For a sneak peek into what it’s actually like, read about tech writer Daniel Cooper’s experience with the app here.
“[I]f the subject comes up in conversation, I’ll joke that, on a hypothetical scale, I’m a ‘four … in bad light,'” says Cooper, a light-hearted man who is able to find the humor in the 1 to 10 scale. “The internet, however, has enabled me to find out precisely how other people rate my attractiveness. It’s been a fun week.”
(It could be a fun week for you, too!)
Sorry to spoil the surprise, but Cooper is a 59.8/100. While he initially describes himself as “gripped by the buzz” incited by the app, he goes on to admit it’s all, “incredibly messed up when you think about it.” Eventually Cooper goes on to rate others, at which point he employs the charitable approach of “gently inflating” scores for those he finds less attractive to “cushion the blow.”
I’m sure Cooper is just one of many humanitarians you can expect to find on Spontana, the app that helps us discover how a smattering of Internet people feel about our chins. Tired of not feeling objectified enough? Relief is on the way!
Illustration by GraphicaArtis via Getty Images; collage by Maria Jia Ling Pitt.