Monocycle: Episode 50, Be Delicate With Yourself

Leandra Medine | March 10, 2017

Holy candied nut! Can you believe we’ve approached the 50th episode of Monocycle? Some of them have been so stupid! Others have been regurgitations of articles that have gone up on Man Repeller (this was a test, which according to the last episode, is falling flat — point noted!), but the majority, really, have been stream of consciousness monologues that I want to turn into dialogues because it can’t be that all the thoughts I maintain are unique to just me, right? The thoughts I think, the feelings I feel…as different as we are, we’re also the same. Joy is joy and grief is grief and as much as the latter sucks, it is also incredible that we have the capacity to show empathy or compassion to each other by simple virtue of these common denominators.

This has nothing to do with the episode, by the way, which was recorded while I sat nearly-naked on a marble bathroom floor in Paris earlier this week. I was feeling sooooooo sad and I’m not sure why (though honestly, my life has felt more like its on hold in a deep blue vacuum than anything else since pregnancy-gate 2016), so I called my husband, but he didn’t pick up, so I turned on my recorder and pretended that I was talking to frankly anyone who would listen and the result is episode 50. I feel 60% uncomfortable about having it go up, but am letting the 40% rule. I also feel like I need to stop airing out so much of my dirty laundry. Lmk if it’s extremely convoluted.

And if you’re unfamiliar with Monocycle, or just simply want to take a stroll down memory lane, here are some of my favorite episodes to date:

Episode 1 — On experiencing (and hopefully recovering from) burnout.

Episode 6 — About why I chose to take my husband’s last name.

Episode 14 — About the thought process of getting dressed.

Episode 38 — A response to a response about cultural appropriation at Marc Jacobs’ Spring 2017 show (the one that happened last September).

Monocycle is edited by Nicholas Quazzy Alexander. Logo illustration by Kelly Shami; Photo by BSIP/Universal Images Group via Getty Images. 

  • ger

    thank you so much for this, leandra. it’s so hard to be gentle on ourselves and give ourselves enough time to rest and recover (especially when that time feels like being in a waiting room). it sounds like you’re expecting so much of yourself so fast!! you deserve to feel all your feelings for as long as you need to. thanks again for this <3

  • Caro A

    Ooooof, here for this. I am of the “life is difficult what can we do to make it easy?” party. My mother constantly tells me that life is, in fact hard and I say…mom. Everything feels like work these days. Don’t know what I’m sharing this. I am all for feelings!!! Everything is temporary. IDK! IDK! Hi!
    I’m so confused by everything and kind of hate everyone except a couple people. But I’m also grateful for things. And all I want to do is stare at a blank wall and run away and ahhhhrhhghghghgh
    I just kind of wonder if I’m in a major life change or something, one of those paradigm shifts that is happening out of my control..but it’s in my control?
    I wanna quit the internet, I kind of want to do an experiment to see how little I can interact with it. Do you ever feel like you’re not sure if something is your opinion or the opinion of the internet wearing on you? Blerg.

    • Grace B

      I didn’t have wifi in my apartment for alllll of last summer and it was fucking bliss. I read 15 books. try it!

      leandra, thanks for being honest as hell here.

      • I have made 104,000 thousand dollars previous year by working on-line a­­n­­d I manage to do it by wor­king part-time f­o­r 3 or sometimes more hours /day. I used work model I was introduced by this company i found online and I am excited that i made so much money on the side. It’s really user friendly a­n­d I am just so happy that i discovered this. Here is what i do… http://s.id/4vv

  • Lisa Handley

    Could of used more time withthe waves.

  • Stephanie

    Your honestly is beautiful. Grief is not really a linear path, it is twisty and sometimes you head backwards after many strides forward. You are right to be delicate with yourself. Your feelings are real, authentic, and most importantly- not wrong.

  • K

    Thank you.

  • When we briefly chatted in Paris and I told you I felt like you were giving hope to people with your honesty, I felt a little stupid after. I realized that for yourself, it must be really, really difficult to stay hopeful. But what I actually meant is that you give hope to all of us who return to Man Repeller every day because of the amazing work you do here DESPITE what you are going through. I am still far from being ready to have children, but I can imagine how painful all of this must be for you. I mean, I would probably be petrified! Not able to do anything or even get out of bed! But you do. And at the same time, you are able to talk about how you really feel. (I actually believe that your need to share all of this is a very healthy thing.) So that is what gives me hope – that should ever something horrible like loosing a baby happen to me, I will still be able to keep going, just like you do. Look at you! You are such a strong woman and such an inspiration and there is no way that you will not have so many children.

  • Miss Marple

    Hey Leandra,
    Thank you for your brutal honesty and wearing your heart on your sleeve. It’s so brave! It reminds us that we are all human and we are not alone.

    I’ve been exactly where you are, it breaks my heart when I hear you so sad as I unfortunately know whatthis process is like…. the months following pregnancy loss do eventually get easier, although it really is a roller coaster. The due date and certain anniversaries and milestones will always be painful. Some days it’s a case of 2 steps forward 5 steps back in the healing process. But you’ve gotta go through it.
    Just remember on the bad days, you won’t feel like this forever- it’s temporary: this too shall pass

    Sending you love x

  • Samantha H

    So real. Thank you for sharing. My husband often tells me to be gentle with myself and I have a hard time really understanding and practicing that.

  • Kevin LeBlanc

    I normally never comment on posts but I feel like I had to on this one because it struck a cord with me. Although we are in very different situations I’m going through it with you too, and knowing that someone else is going through these feelings with me too brought me so so much comfort this morning. You worry your message is convoluted, but look at it from the perspective of the readers who know and love you and want you to also know that we are here, going through the same shit in our life story, dealing with hardships. Going through it together makes reality less painful. So thank you thank you thank you a miiiiillion times over for pouring your heart out and connecting with us in a way that was so so needed.

  • stephanie

    I listen to the episode about farting glitter on a Friday at least 3 times a month.

  • me

    Dear little sis: Whenever I’m down, I keep in mind the following wise words, & somehow muster the strength to keep moving forward (through the good/ bad/the ugly) —

    “Trust time and trust your own resourcefulness — if you do, then together they’ve got this, I swear.” (~h/t Carolyn Hax)

  • In the same boat

    Hi Leandra, I just want to say something to you- thank you. We don’t know each other and we will most likely never cross paths, but we share a story. So whenever you feel like shit and like you will never become a mother, I am across the Atlantic and feeling the exact same thing. Most days I’m fine, I have accepted that it will take time but that I will become a mother at some point. Other days I lock myself in the bathroom and cry my eyes out, feeling so afraid that there no hope. Just know that your “over sharing” keeps me going, and makes me feel a lot less alone. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

  • mariah serrano

    Our moms had Oprah and we have Leandra … Thank you

  • Katherine

    I feel like anybody who thinks this article is about Paris’ merits as a city are really missing the point.

    • Katherine

      Ooops, wrong article.
      Silly me -_-

  • CLAIRE CARUSILLO

    i loved this so much!

  • Michelle Bruni

    Thanks for sharing this Leandra — it’s tough to be vulnerable but man, it sure is comforting to hear it from another voice. At the beginning I laughed when you said “Hey it’s Leandra from ManRepeller, and life.” But then after listening to this I was reminded you are human just like all your subscribers, and it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. I think it’s incredible that you’ve shared so much of your journey of trying to become pregnant, and wishing you and Abie the best of luck 🙂

    • Mariana

      Oh man! I miss read “best of luck”(thanks, really bad myopia!) as best of fuck. My immediate thought was “Well, that too could end up with having a baby!” :p

  • Tessa

    Wow life is WEIRD. This is nearly a page out of my journal entry from today. My current thoughts and feelings have never been so eloquently and accurately put by someone else. Human experience and connection are so real and we don’t even know it until we hear how someone else feels. You not being able to keep anytbing to yourself (I’m a chronic oversharer myself) is providing more comfort than you can imagine! This gives me such reassurance for my recent decision to ease up on myself. Thanks for this, Leandra.

  • Mariana

    I really liked this podcast. I’m in the same position as you, feeling stuck, blue. I’m not at my very worst nor at my very best (just like I do not think you’re either, by the way you talk), but I’m feeling off, trying to navigate trough my emotions, my life, my expectations, my limitations. Even though I dont wish this state of mind to anyone, It is comforting to share this state with other people, allow us to have empathy, so thank you for sharing with us your vulnerabilities.

  • Charlotte Roseanne

    To hear a woman on the other side of the planet talk about the same feelings is like – YES! OH MY GOD! I AM HUMAN! Thank you, Leandra. You and ManRepeller have been invaluable to me as a woman in my early to mid twenties. Like the feeling of “thank god I had my older sister around to hold my hand and make sense of the confusion” invaluable, like possibly THE most positive influence which will make me a better person. I wish you the best on ‘recovering’: I was in a similar situation and to be honest it took me a long while and definitely that “ok I feel better now! Oh wait I feel horrendous” thing, like waves of emotion which eventually got smaller & smaller.

    • Charlotte Roseanne

      the waves are hardly there anymore btw 🙂

      • zachary.mcbride@mail.ru

        I have profited $104k in last twelve months by working on-line from my house a­­n­­d I was able to do it by working in my own time f­o­r 3 or sometimes more hours /day. I followed an earning model I was introduced by this company i found online and I am amazed that I was able to earn so much money on the side. It’s beginner-friendly and I am just so blessed that i found this. Here’s what I do… http://marketing25.weebly.com

    • Charlotte Roseanne

      and also you can close the door and quit airing your “dirty laundry” whenever you want, because we love you!

  • Chrissie Reitmeyer

    You had me at that line about wearing your heart on your sleeve. I sometimes feel like maybe I should tone that part of myself down, but it also gives me things like compassion for myself and others and the empathy I need to do my job. I ask myself so many of these questions and it’s so heartening to know I’m not alone (another benefit of heart-sleevedness).

    I have felt stuck in the past couple of months, too. While being stuck has taught me a lot, I feel like I’m just waiting for that next time when I’m not. I am always trying to remember to “sit in my shit,” and to accept what I’m feeling rather than running from it.

    I was trying to comfort a friend going through a major adjustment and told him about something one of my writing professors used to say. It was something like “in the case of anything worth doing, there is always a part that’s going to just feel awful.” I don’t know if it’s always true, but it does make me feel better.

  • Anna

    Dear Leandra,

    I just want to tell you how thankful I am for this podcast that came at exactly the right time for me.

    My situation is different, but the time & place are the same – in December, after an unforgettable trip to Paris, I lost a person I really cared about (not literally, he is alive and well and probably doesn’t remember me anymore). I was deeply heartbroken. For the first two full months I was living in the same vacuum, in the same waiting room (I literally didn’t leave my room), disconsolate, unable to eat (lost quite a bit of weight), unable to function as a normal person, unable to even talk to my Mom who I deeply love (I’m sorry, Mom), let alone throw myself into real life. I put my life on hold. And then, after 2 months, I started to heal – at least that’s what I thought. In reality, I decided that I can’t take my sadness anymore and I should get back to normal life no matter what. I forced myself to go out, to meet new people, to go to social events, even though deep down I was still in my “deep blue vacuum”. I decided not to feel my feelings, at whatever cost. I thought that if I decide not to be sad, I won’t be sad anymore. I decided to turn off my brain and hustle and hustle and hustle for my life and ambitions. I decided that I should get my life back and I was working on this goal 24/7. I thought I was getting my life together again, that I was a strong and independent girl/Woman again. Up until the moment when, 2 weeks ago, my body decided that it couldn’t take the hustle anymore and I fell ill. But even then, I continued to hustle, just not to let my feelings take over myself again. Obviously, my body was not recovering and I was not feeling any better after a week, after two weeks even. And then, March 10th (ironically, same timing again), I felt like I was being engulfed by my emotions again, that the vacuum around me started growing again, slowly but steadily. I found myself in the waiting room again, a prisoner of my own feelings. I started waking up in the morning wishing I was still sleeping (even today, when it’s sunny, and warm, and the spring I’ve been waiting for so long is finally around the corner, and I should be cheerful and happy about everything that is happening around me right now). Yesterday, I was so sad, my friend didn’t pick up the phone, and I decided to record myself talking about my feelings, just like you did. And then I realized that I was still broken, no matter how hard I tried to forget about it and hide it. I was feeling my feelings again, I allowed myself to dive into my sadness, for better or worse. I realized that maybe this was the only way to really overcome my sadness (besides my strong urge to meet that person again face-to-face and talk to him about it – because I bet he has no clue that he hurt me so much – and then let it go).

    And the next day, I saw this podcast in my Facebook feed.

    I don’t know what’s the point of my comment anymore (sorry for airing so much of my dirty laundry as well), but I just want you to know that today I listened to this podcast and I felt like you were there next to me and I was not alone. I felt that there’s a person who understands, and lends me a shoulder, and tells me that my feelings are okay and the sadness is not forever.

    Thank you.

  • Maria

    I know that this may sound weird but you already are a mom. The mum of a beautiful community that YOU have made! Probably this doesn’t confort you, but maybe one day you will truly feel how much love, respect, teachings, fun, joy, guidance YOU are giving. Exactly like the best of moms.
    Maria

  • Leah

    Leandra, I feel the same right now. I had a termination at the end last year, basically an induced miscarriage. For one week of every month I feel so down that I really, really can’t deal with it. I’ve never been this pessimistic, this manic, this disjointed.

    Our bodies’ hormones are off kilter and I’ve been told it can take a year to level out again after losing a pregnancy. So stay strong. I’m having six weeks between each period right now, which is apparently normal too. So yes, be gentle with yourself.

  • Frieda

    <3

  • Áine Hegarty

    Kind of incredible to listen to and then have a wave of realization hit you after a. identifying with it (at time of listen nonetheless) and b. seeing comments of other people who are feeling the same way, that we are all so. not. alone.

    I cannot tell you how much I relate to the idea of being in a waiting room (where I sit for what I really want to happen) while the world continues to spin on its axis and things happen to me and I feel like I’m wasting the rest all away because nothing else really matters to me unless the one thing happens. And I’ve been so angry with myself for letting the rest all go to waste, letting my life pass me by, refusing to see good anywhere else. I just feel like if I take my eye off the prize for one second and see good elsewhere and enjoy other things in life, it will disappear and I’ll never have what I want. I don’t trust that I can let go. I clearly don’t trust that what is meant for me will come to me because if I did then letting go would be okay because it would come sometime anyway. My fear of letting go is costing me experiencing this time in my life and leaving me with nothing in return. How can we make ourselves comfortable with what is right now when there is something that we want so bad and don’t have? Can we put aside our goals and desires and know, deeply know and trust that everything is going to be OK?

    • Leandra Medine

      I think this becomes a question of faith, which is a concept I’ve been wresting with, too. At my best, I can “surrender” and just assume that the plan is the plan and that whatever I get/am given/work to receive is what my allotment is supposed to look like. At worst, I’m in a hamster wheel chasing something I think I want, might not actually want and running further and further from “my truth” (I hate this term, I’m sorry I’m using it), but one cool thing I’ve been doing lately when my mind starts racing is stopping to like, acknowledge the racing. Getting into the part of my brain that is being lit up, making it feel like it’s being heard (it is!), but then, without advance warning, envisioning the switch that shuts the bulb on that part of my brain and boom! It’s black. Thoughts over. It’s a good visualization because stopping yourself from thinking something IS SO FUCKING HARD but thinking about stopping to think…I don’t know, it kind of works??

  • Imogen Rabone

    As a mother of one who thought a child would cure me of existential woe, I’ve come to understand that the waiting room/s never ends. You just move from one to the next. You convince yourself that when you have that husband/kid/extra kid/dream home that that will be you done, the hustle will be over. But we all know that’s not the case. The hustle IS life. I think I like it this way. I’m hoping I’ll be here at 80, still thinkjng that my next adventure will be the trip of a lifetime, that the next grandchild will be the final piece of my puzzle and that the new carpets will finally transform my house into my dream home. Keep up the good fight Leandra, keep hustling xx

  • lori

    Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your emotions on such a difficult subject. I think it’s so true that being a mom and being able to grow a child is both a miracle and privilege. Your body has to be ready. Your emotional life has to be ready. And I think that unless everything is aligned (body and mind), it really is hard to become pregnant. Before I had my child, I was not getting my period. I couldn’t conceive because all the doctors were trying to figure out why I didn’t ovulate. I was told I had eggs, but my hormones were a bit off. So while the doctors were figuring out stuff (it took a year+!), I was getting acupuncture and taking care of myself on other levels. I was diagnosed with unexplained fertility until they figured out I had a teeny prolactinoma. Took medication and got my period and conceived in 3 months! I don’t think I could have conceived so quickly had I not done acupuncture and read about fertility in the viewpoint of Eastern medicine. In eastern culture, your ability to conceive or not is based on more than just ovulation. You have to heal your body and find the underlying stuff that might be hindering fertility. Anyway, fast forward to present time. I have a wonderful 2.5 year-old-toddler and I am pregnant again. I started trying perhaps when my child was 18 months and it wasn’t happening. But, I think it wasn’t happening because my body (or my emotional life or both) wasn’t ready. My toddler at 18 months needed me longer. She wasn’t ready to share me and I was having a tough time adjusting to LA from NYC so I probably wasn’t ready to share myself either. And when everything was aligned, I got pregnant again. So, do be gentle on yourself. And think of all the ways you are already lucky. Whatever happens in your future, you will need to be ready for it. All the best.

  • saa7

    I have relistened to the last 5 mins of this episode so many times at this point. It’s like hearing someone tell me it’s going to be ok.. but it’s more than that because it’s me internalizing it and telling myself it’s going to be ok..

    Thank you Leandra, I’m in life’s waiting room too and I’m going start accepting this as being a part of my life.. not an interim period before my heart is healed, but accepting the pain as being a part of my story.

  • fat

    Not saying this to be mean but I think you need to eat more, you’re too skinny to carry a baby…

  • Savannah

    Leandra, are you going to write another book?? (yes please) Only just started listening to Monocycle, loving it.

  • Anna

    Dear Leandra,

    I just want to tell you how thankful I am for this podcast that came at exactly the right time for me.
    My situation is different, but the time & place are the same – in December, after an unforgettable trip to Paris, I lost a person I really cared about (not literally, he is alive and well and probably doesn’t remember me anymore). I was deeply heartbroken. For the first two full months I was living in the same vacuum, in the same waiting room (I literally didn’t leave my room), disconsolate, unable to eat (lost quite a bit of weight), unable to function as a normal person, unable to even talk to my Mom who I deeply love (I’m sorry, Mom), let alone throw myself into real life. I put my life on hold. After 2 months, I started to heal – at least that’s what I thought. In reality, I decided that I can’t take my sadness anymore and I should get back to normal life no matter what. I forced myself to go out, to meet new people, to go to social events, even though deep down I was still in my “deep blue vacuum”. I decided not to feel my feelings, at whatever cost. I thought that if I decide not to be sad, I won’t be sad anymore. I decided to turn off my brain and hustle and hustle and hustle for my life and ambitions. I decided that I should get my life back and I was working on this goal 24/7. I thought I was getting my life together again, that I was a strong and independent girl/Woman again. Up until the moment when, 2 weeks ago, my body decided that it couldn’t take the hustle anymore and I fell ill. But even then, I continued to work, just not to let my feelings take over myself again. Obviously, my body was not recovering and I was not feeling any better after a week, after two weeks even. And then, March 10th (ironically, same timing again), I felt like I was being engulfed by my emotions again, that the vacuum around me started growing, slowly but steadily. I found myself in the waiting room again, a prisoner of my own feelings. I started waking up in the morning wishing I was still sleeping (even today, when it’s sunny, and warm, and the spring I’ve been waiting for so long is finally around the corner, and I should be cheerful and happy about everything that is happening around me right now). Yesterday, I was so sad, my friend didn’t pick up the phone, and I decided to record myself talking about my feelings, just like you did. And then I realized that I was still broken, no matter how hard I tried to forget about it and hide it. I was feeling my feelings again, I allowed myself to dive into my sadness, for better or worse. I realized that maybe this was the only way to really overcome my sadness (besides my strong urge to meet that person again face-to-face and talk to him about it – because I bet he has no clue that he hurt me so much – and then let it go).
    And the next day, I saw this podcast in my Facebook feed.
    I don’t know what’s the point of my comment anymore (sorry for airing so much of my dirty laundry as well), but I just want you to know that today I listened to this podcast and I felt like you were there next to me and I was not alone. I felt that there’s a person who understands, and lends me a shoulder, and tells me that my feelings are okay and the sadness is not forever.

    Thank you.

  • Anna

    Dear Leandra,

    I just want to tell you how thankful I am for this podcast that came at exactly the right time for me.

    My situation is different, but the time & place are the same – in December, after an unforgettable trip to Paris, I lost a person I really cared about (not literally, he is alive and well and probably doesn’t remember me anymore). I was deeply heartbroken. For the first two full months I was living in the same vacuum, in the same waiting room (I literally didn’t leave my room), disconsolate, unable to eat (lost quite a bit of weight), unable to function as a normal person, unable to even talk to my Mom who I deeply love (I’m sorry, Mom), let alone throw myself into real life. I put my life on hold. After 2 months, I started to heal – at least that’s what I thought. In reality, I decided that I can’t take my sadness anymore and I should get back to normal life no matter what. I forced myself to go out, to meet new people, to go to social events, even though deep down I was still in my “deep blue vacuum”. I decided not to feel my feelings, at whatever cost. I thought that if I decide not to be sad, I won’t be sad anymore. I decided to turn off my brain and hustle and hustle and hustle for my life and ambitions. I decided that I should get my life back and I was working on this goal 24/7. I thought I was getting my life together again, that I was a strong and independent girl/Woman again.

    • Anna

      Up until the moment when, 2 weeks ago, my body decided that it couldn’t take the hustle anymore and I fell ill. But even then, I continued to work, just not to let my feelings take over myself again. Obviously, my body was not recovering and I was not feeling any better after a week, after two weeks even. And then, March 10th (ironically, same timing again), I felt like I was being engulfed by my emotions again, that the vacuum around me started growing, slowly but steadily. I found myself in the waiting room again, a prisoner of my own feelings. I started waking up in the morning wishing I was still sleeping (even today, when it’s sunny, and warm, and the spring I’ve been waiting for so long is finally around the corner, and I should be cheerful and happy about everything that is happening around me right now). Yesterday, I was so sad, my friend didn’t pick up the phone, and I decided to record myself talking about my feelings, just like you did. And then I realized that I was still broken, no matter how hard I tried to forget about it and hide it. I was feeling my feelings again, I allowed myself to dive into my sadness, for better or worse. I realized that maybe this was the only way to really overcome my sadness (besides my strong urge to meet that person again face-to-face and talk to him about it – because I bet he has no clue that he hurt me so much – and then let it go).

      • Anna

        And the next day, I saw this podcast in my Facebook feed.

        I don’t know what’s the point of my comment anymore (sorry for airing so much of my dirty laundry as well), but I just want you to know that today I listened to this podcast and I felt like you were there next to me and I was not alone. I felt that there’s a person who understands, and lends me a shoulder, and tells me that my feelings are okay and the sadness is not forever.

        Thank you.

        • Anna

          (For some reason Disqus detected my comment as spam – I guess I really should stop airing SO MUCH of my dirty laundry haha, so I broke it into several parts)

  • This is so well timed. Thank you, so entirely relateable x

  • Samantha

    I’m a bombing survivor (boston marathon). Surprisingly, the first few months of my recovery were not the most difficult. It wasn’t until further down the road when my physical wounds were healed that I hit rock bottom mentally. I felt like I “should” feel better, but I didn’t, and I really beat myself up about that. A very lovely therapist told me early on about an exercise that they use for children who have experienced trauma. They will give the child a string, red beads and blue beads. Each day the child adds one bead to the string: red for a bad day, blue for a “good” day. Initially, as you can imagine, the string is mostly red beads. As time goes on, a blue bead will occasionally appear. Later, they may even choose two blue beads in a row. Ultimately and with the passage of time, majority of the beads will be blue, but rarely do the red beads completely disappear. That is the nature of trauma. The title of this post is very true– you need to be gentle with yourself and stop beating yourself up for feeling sad. I would be willing to bet that if you had a DIY red and blue beaded necklace, it would be a neck-party testament to how far you have come in the past few months. It is only going to get better for you.

    Having a bomb explode a few feet behind me is the worst thing that ever happened to me and I still seriously struggle with it four years later. But at this point in my life I am fine with what I went through because of the many ways it changed my life for the better. Your situation is different but I hope that one day you find your silver lining.

  • Ambrey Rice

    I’m a little behind, but this has been one of my favorite episodes so far. I’ve been going through a breakup for the past few months (it happened mid-December, but it’s been dragging itself out longer than I care to admit) and I used to spend so much time trying to rationalize myself out of the sadness, or letting my friends try to rationalize me out of it, and was constantly thinking “why don’t I feel better yet? when am I going to feel better?” The lesson that you need to let yourself feel how you feel and allow the emotions to pass through you is an invaluable one, but one that I doubt anyone can learn without going through it firsthand. Looking back, no amount of reading inspirational quotes or having dance parties with my friends was going to cure me, even if that sort of thing did help me feel better at certain moments. And now, three months later with much less sadness weighing me down, I’ve really come to appreciate how much life has happened in that time.

    Thank you as always for sharing yourself with everyone here, Leandra – we’re all on your team. You’re not alone, either.