In yet one more break with previous season’s conventions, Girls’ final episodes can’t be accused of plotless-ness. Revelations come fast and furious; intense introspection is rendered in caps-letter Word Docs. Jessa gives my quest for the platonic lipstick renewed desperation. But despite all the developments that we’ve already witnessed, I have no better sense of where we’re all headed. (I mean, besides to the grave, eventually, which this episode made very clear.)
Will Hannah have this child? Will Loreen end up alone? Will we ever go back to Colonial Williamsburg? Those three questions, plus 24 more:
1. Didn’t you kind of think Hannah was going to eat the lentil?
2. Committing the words “I act even younger than that,” in capital letters no less, is the surest proof of growth we’ve seen from Hannah, no?
3. Do you think Elijah uses tan towels? St. Tropez? Clarins? Because he is glowing.
4. Who will give me the Loreen-Elijah fanfic we all know we’re curious to read?
5. Who’s paying for this “film”?
6. I mean, telling the woman whose job it is to impersonate your former best friend that they, “really capture the inane prattle of someone who thinks they have more power than they actually do,” is pretty harsh, isn’t it?
7. How would you have this conversation with your mom? Have you had this conversation with your mom? Whatever the circumstances, how do you tell the woman who birthed you that you’re having your own kid?
8. Wait, wait, wait, so Hannah is keeping this fetus?
9. Why does Marnie even bother?
10. Wouldn’t you have pegged Marnie for a Pure Barre over a Physique 57?
11. Do good people really have to declare they’re not bad people?
12. Ah, barrette-Hannah is back. Aren’t you glad they included her in the movie version?
13. Last week, I needed Jessa’s exact lipstick brand and shade. This week, I just need her lips?
14. Oh, so Jessa actually thought this movie was going to convince her that what Adam and Hannah had was never real? What a cute and expensive way to try to assuage her guilt!
15. Does any kid need to go to Colonial Williamsburg?
16. When was the first time your mom treated you like such an adult it scared you?
17. Have the music selections ever been as on-point as they are this season?
18. What food would you eat while you frantically searched for your mom?
19. Has Loreen really succeeded in making us all believe that Hannah can be a mom?
20. Who else can’t believe it took all these many minutes for someone to reference Lorelai Gilmore?
21. Is Elijah a good friend?
22. Having a baby — probably not the same as cyberbullying someone you met in Barnes & Noble?
23. Wasn’t that incredibly green vomit?
24. Moms and dads in the comments, speak now: “Kids are super easy; it’s being an adult that’s hard.” T/F?
Follow our Girls girl and author Mattie on Twitter @mattiekahn. Photo via HBO.