Paris Hilton’s Rules of Style

Haley Nahman | February 17, 2017

Happy Birthday P Hilt

Paris Hilton's Party At Stork Rooms

Most trends we love at a given time will look dumb, if not fully outlandish, a decade or three later. Fashion is ephemeral; I totally understand this. But I struggle to hold this incontrovertible truth next to the entire decade of the 2000s, which to me stands out as a victim of something far more sinister. A hex, perhaps? If it’s also true that fashion is cyclical, we’re going to need to know how to reverse engineer our way out of this decade right quick. Hurry, sociologists! It’s rearing its head!

Or perhaps we ought to just let it wash over us once again. It’s 2017, the year after the year of realizing stuff. Maybe it’s time we face Now That’s What I Call Music #42 and get to work on our bedazzling. And what better way to prepare than by combing the archives for some fashion tips from the eras most iconic It girl? It is her birthday, after all.

Allow me to present Paris Hilton’s 16 most important rules of style:

1. Your sarong should always match your strappy, high heels and your baguette bag — the size of which must be large enough to accommodate a Motorola Sidekick and only a Motorola Sidekick.

Photo by Frank Micelotta via Getty Images

2. This one’s tough, I know, but ideally your friends and family should be able to see the entire side of your body at all times. To transition to a professional setting, clip your dress closed with the errant, butterfly adornments atop your head.

Photo by Dave Benett via Getty Images

3. When you don your Canadian tuxedo, strip it of any and all details that say “Canada.” How-to tips: don’t wear a shirt, use glitter like body lotion, don a tire (call it a belt) and draw on under-eyelashes with thick, black eyeliner.

Photo by David Klein via Getty Images

4. Pair a gem-encrusted cross and low-slung cotton midi skirt with your sexiest silk bustier for a fun red-carpet look.

Photo by Jim Smeal via Getty Images

5. Always remember: On Wednesdays, we wear fur-lined jeans and fur halters.

Photo via Getty Images

6. Do your best to display your naval piecing whenever possible, especially when you’re on the go! Try to only travel between L.A., Vegas and Ibiza.

Photo by Lester Cohen via Getty Images

7. The only thing sexier than wearing not a single layer of clothing on your back is wearing 10 to 15 visibly different layers in your hair.

Photo by Frederick M. Brown via Getty Images

8. Chihuahuas and six inches of midriff are a girl’s best accessories.

Photo by Amy Graves via Getty Images

9. Wait, I take that back, the best accessory is a hot assistant.

Photo by PhotoNews International Inc. via Getty Images

10. An interesting alternative to washing your body with soap is to wash your body with self tanner!

Photo by Frazer Harrison via Getty Images

11. If it’s winter, wear a fur and make sure your sunglasses are reminiscent of goggles — ski chic is everything.

Photo via Getty Images

12. Important rule: When you wear a color, wear the shit out of that color.

Photo by Jeff Vespa via Getty Images

Photo by PhotoNews International Inc. via Getty Images

13. If your dress appears to have been hurriedly made out of a curtain, that’s good and means you’re rich and important.

Photo by Carlo Allegri via Getty Images

Photo by Albert L. Ortega via Getty Images

14. Butterfly accessories and kitten heels are always a yes.

Photo by James Devaney via Getty Images

Photo by Daniele Venturelli via Getty Images

15. And finally: Always know better…

Photo by Chris Weeks via Getty Images

16. …but never care.

Paris Hilton during Paris Hilton's 24th Birthday Party at El Centro in Los Angeles, California, United States. (Photo by Bruce Gifford/FilmMagic)

Photos via Getty.

  • katie48

    Since the 90s trend has reached Northern Michigan, I’ve been very worried about the 2000s coming back. Tiered, cotton mini-skirts? Flared capris sky-high pointing toe shows and spaghetti strapped going-out-top? On second thought….

  • Sonia

    Not even ashamed to admit how much she influenced my early aughts style…(*see yearbook photo with rhinestone flower pinned to side of head, short layered bob, and pink satin bomber jacket…)

    ok maybe a little ashamed.

    • Sonia

      Also rule of style: make sure zipper on jeans is not longer than your thumb.

      • Krista Anna Lewis

        Too important. How did we miss this

  • WAS NOT PREPARED FOR LOOK NUMBER 5.

    • Krista Anna Lewis

      Same

    • Mariana

      I was not prepared for any of the looks?! TOO MUCH SKIN OUT :p

      • Really?? It’s Paris Hilton! You should be expecting rhinestone embedded loin cloths and hot pink nipple pasties! I didn’t really think fur lined denim was part of the equation but she has to keep us on our toes somehow.

    • chouette

      I literally have Look 5 posted on my post-apocalypse fashion inspo board, which was funny when I made it and is now becoming scary relevant.

      • BuffyAnneSummers97

        I have a post-apocalypse fashion folder on my computer too!

    • Haley Nahman

      I kinda like it…..

  • Emily Clare

    But her poses are all on point

  • Krista Anna Lewis

    Doing this photo research brought back just how much of a style icon she was for me in my formative years. Viva Juicy.

    • alien princess~

      juicy is back!

    • Sonia

      I bought kitten heel flip flops because of her. Also so much Ella Moss.

  • Liz Miller

    LOL! look #5 is killing me

  • OMG fashion was SO BAD in the ’00s. These photos make me miss it.

  • kneelbeforetigers

    Unfortunately, I had to stop finding PH amusing after all of the (multiple!) audio leaks of her calling Black people the n-word came to light…. so yeah.

  • chouette

    That’s hot. She’s one of those people that I have only grown to appreciate as the time expands between the present and the early 2000’s. I love that she’s continuing to do her own thing, the pictures of her at Burning Man were one of the high points of the shit show that was 2016. Can we bring back purse dogs now?

    • Grace B

      how am i just now seeing her instagrams from burning man!!

  • Phileda Tennant

    She picked a look and rocked it.

  • Elizabeth Sankey

    HER TORSO IS SO LONG

  • Brune

    The year is 2020. Observe as I empty my coffers for a ticket to a spaghetti-strapped, low-waisted hellscape.

  • Okay but number 8 is true. I admire any gal with a cute pup and showing off their cute tummy! I’m not gonna lie, I would totally mix and match some of the items she wears. I would 100% wear that barely there silver sparkly dress…

  • Miss J

    PH’s 2000s style is like a 2.0 version of Peggy from Married With Children.

  • I was in my tween years when this was all going down and I had a cotton skirt and a bustier (bought despite being expressly forbidden by my mum) and I loved them. I looked awful.
    Whiskey Tango Flat White | Life and style in weird short essays

  • Cristina

    She’s so unapologetic about all her fashion choices and I love her for it! You go Glen Coco!