I Have a Mature Adult Crush on Emma Stone

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Amelia Diamond | February 23, 2017

Nothing weird to see here.

Emma Stone has always been a good actor, but I think the world realized she was Oscars-good after her performance in La La Land, where she had to act in love with a man who wore brown shirts, a tacky ring and two-tone shoes.

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Call me superficial, but welcome to Hollywood.

Except Emma Stone doesn’t play that game. Like her La La Land character, she came to L.A. not just to make a name for herself, but to make something of herself. I’m projecting a bit since I don’t know her, but when I read a few years ago that she made a Power Point presentation to convince her parents to let her move to Hollywood to pursue a career, I knew I had met (vicariously, through various late-night talk show hosts) my kindred spirit. I have made two Parental Power Points in my life: once when I wanted to adopt a pet rabbit and another called Why I Should Be Allowed to Go to Cabo Unattended for My High School Senior Trip. I guess you could consider this my third, only it’s for y’all. (Emma Stone says y’all. Because she’s from Arizona?) It’s for y’all and my parents. We can call it, “I Love Emma Stone in a Not-Weird Way.” My editor called it, “I Have a Mature Adult Crush on Emma Stone,” if you read the title of this post already.

My real obsession began with Stone in the true best movie on the entire planet besides The Secret of Roan Inish, Anchorman and Failure to Launch: Superbad.

I was like, here’s this normal girl with straightened bangs and dyed-red hair who is hilarious and doesn’t drink at her own house party, probably because she’s too anxious about getting in trouble. She could 100% be my friend.

From there, I devoted my eyes to every single movie she’s ever been in, excluding Marmaduke, The Croods (certain types of animation make me nervous), Aloha for 100 problematic reasons — and yes that was not a good look but I appreciate that she apologized — plus a bunch of other movies, actually, now that I look at her IMDb page, because I only watch new movies on airplanes or when my roommate does the remote for me.

But I have a pulse and emotions, so obviously my obsession deepened with Crazy, Stupid, Love. Every time I watch that scene where she and Ryan Gosling-again laugh on his waterbed about coin bears and calf-pants, I pretend that I am Ryan Gosling.

If only to allow more oxygen into my lungs when Emma Stone quotes a High Point coffee commercial (1:15 – 1:26 in that clip). Sometimes, when people ask me what kind of coffee I’m drinking, like at a restaurant or something, I copy her accent/inflection/tone and say, “It’s decaffeinated.” No one gets it.

Which I like, because it makes it an inside-joke secret.

Here’s another thing that I pretend she told me and only me: She and her mom got matching tattoos of two blackbird feet to celebrate that her mother, a breast-cancer survivor, was cancer-free.

…Paul McCartney DREW THE FEET FOR THEM.

I MEAN.

You saw Easy A, right? She was perfect in it.

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Like Cher Horowitz and Katarina Stratford before her, her character played the modern equivalent of a classic-lit heroine so well that even those who hate to read were like, “Let me check out this ‘Scarlet Letter’ nonsense.” She gave hope to Penn Badgleys everywhere that they, too, can get the girl while dressed as a woodchuck mascot so long as they treat women with respect and reenact John Cusack’s most famous cinematic scene when called upon. I love my parents so much, but Emma Stone made me wish that my parents were Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson if only so that I could turn out like her character/their daughter, Olive Penderghast.

I love that “Pocketful of Sunshine” song because of her.

The Help was all about Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer, let’s be honest, so I think the first time I realized she was Oscar-destined was in Birdman.

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“A riveting performance!” I proclaimed after I chewed on some ginger because that movie made me carsick. Who knew she could act like that?

Uh — yeah, I did. Not to get all hipster-territorial over her like she’s an indie band, but I was there from day uno. Her #1 fan way before La La Land.

Here’s what Emma Stone should wear to the Oscars.

Photos via Getty Images.

  • Harling Ross

    hahahah Pocketful of Sunshine TY for this important reference

    • Aydan

      its now on repeat inside my head!

  • Hannah Nichols

    This article made me have more of a mature adult crush on Emma Stone than I already did

  • Best post ever! I have such a crush on Emma Stone, shes the best!

    http://dreamingoffithavenue.co.uk

  • Easy A was on tv last night, and I was reminded how much I enjoyed that movie. The Tucci/Clarkson dynamic was too good for its time!

    • BarbieBush

      I reaaaaaally wanted those parents~!!

    • Kelsey Moody

      SPELL IT IN YOUR PEAS!

      • Katy

        I will take that challenge!

  • Chelsea Truax

    “It’s decaffeinated!” is my coffee shop ice breaker and it goes over like a lead balloon. I am so happy someone else loves that reference!

  • Samantha Lee

    I love Emma Stone and am so happy that she (seemingly) hasn’t let her fame get to her (unlike one *cough* overrated* cough* someone whose name starts with J and ends with Lawrence…*cough*). She’s actually insanely talented (from comedy to drama) and relatable and hasn’t let her star fade, which is tough in Hollywood. Honestly, I didn’t like La La Land, but I DID think she was so great in it.
    http://www.wonderlandsam.com

  • Katy

    Preach!
    Easy A had me hooked
    Also her character in The House Bunny is hilarious and I say those lines all the time
    “BYOM: Bring Your Own Mouse”

  • Don’t forget Zombieland!

  • Louise

    You have never written a more true or fantastic article.

  • Alyssa

    Yes. Yes. Yes!!!! Did you read my mind because you’ve explained everything I feel about Emma Stone 💕 (Especially the part of being her friend through late night talk shows… I thought it was just me!)

  • Laura S

    Besides the fact that I am also obsessed with Emma Stone, lets talk about ROAN INISH. I was pretty confident I was the only person in my 20s who a) saw this movie and b) considers it a top 10. Was trying to decide what to watch tonight over chinese takeout… thank you for saving me the hour of Netflix scrolling.

  • Mo

    This is incredibly relevant. She’s a genuine force on the screen and off of it. Her charm is earth grown, her style is a timeless wonder, and I think she probably lays down character mold after character mold for potential best friends.

  • Olivia AP

    Yes! And in the last pictures she looks like a young version of Marissa’s mom (from the OC, of course)

  • Hellbetty666

    I hate-watched La La Land but ended up loving it and I’m pretty sure that’s (mostly) because of Stone.

  • Yue

    I can’t do it. She’s cute and all, but she made money off pretending to be Asian. Seeing her continue to succeed really hurts.