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12 Instagram Accounts to Unfollow in 2017

More satisfying than sticking your hand into a barrel of dried beans

01.11.17
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changes-month-man-repeller

If you identify with any of the following traits:

– You hate Instagram and don’t even know why you have one but every time you try to delete it your right eye begins to twitch.
– You successfully delete Instagram but then re-download it at least once a week.
– You are physically unable to stand in a line without checking Instagram.
– You haven’t watched a movie in at least two years without opening the Instagram app.
– You keep yourself awake two hours past your bedtime — at least — because of Instagram.
– You are frequently late because you were looking at Instagram.
– You cannot imagine a world without an Instagram.
– You are thinking, “Yeesh lady, calm down, it’s just a photo-sharing social app.”

Then it’s high time to unfollow the below accounts. It’s for your own good, compadres. I promise.

The Meme Account That You Never Thought Was Funny

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You followed this meme account a long time ago because a friend once tagged you under a photo that made you laugh, and you were like, “Hey, I like to laugh!” But you quickly realized that all this account does is post the same exact memes as other accounts, and you suspect it might be run by a ten-year-old (the account owner always writes captions about math homework), and you get really embarrassed when you actually like a photo — both because it’s a meme account and because the memes are old. You never had the strength to delete it, even still — and by strength I mean you get lazy every time you see yet another meme that annoys you but it’s easier to scroll past. But this is your year. It’s a new you. Lift that finger and click unfollow.

That Person Who Was on a Group Trip With You Two Years Ago

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I know that you and Pam had a pretty good time together at your cousin’s bachelorette, enough so that when your cousin tagged the group picture, you went ahead and followed everyone. But every time Pam posts, which is fairly sporadic, honestly, her username confuses you. You think, “Who the hell is PSlice42_salsasandwich, why is she posting a photo of her blurry feet in front of a fire, and have I been hacked?” Get rid of her. Ten bucks says she literally does not care.

Who IS That? (You legit have no idea.)

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Worse than PSlice42_salsasandwich is the person who you truly are boggled by, because this person posts a lot. Just selfies up the wazoo. Gym photos that make you uncomfortable because of the veiny zoom shots. Too many confessions in the captions. You have no clue who this person is or why you follow him. …So why do you follow him?? It was probably a late-night slip of the finger while you were half unconsciously deep-dive creeping. Bye!

The Over-Poster

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With the new algorithm that takes everything out of order and fucks up your scrolling process as it is, anyone who clogs your feed on the regular and causes you to miss important posts from accounts like Oprah and Gayle Forever or The Kangaroo Sanctuary has GOT TO GO.

The Celebrity You Followed to be Ironic Last Year

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Once the pleasure of irony wears off, there’s no point. Delete the Z-list reality star who you followed as a joke in order to make room for this year’s new, confusing — and earnest-yet-ironic — obsession of yours.

The Account Someone Else Told You to Follow

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I know the awkward tension that comes from someone leaning over your shoulder while practically telepathically typing their favorite account’s name into your search bar because they want everyone they know to follow said account, too. There’s a lot of pressure. It grows each time they tag you or send a post straight into your DMs. It’s worse than lying about a book someone loaned you (“Omg it’s great, savoring each page! That’s why I’m going slow…) or pretending to like a friend’s very terrible outfit, because your deceit will have a receipt the moment you unfollow. So don’t like! Just be straight up, rid yourself of this social burden and tell the friend who recommended that you’re playing Marie Kondo with your Insta-feed. So be it.

The Reality Star Who Broke Up With Your Favorite Cast Member

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You only followed him because you loved her so much, and sometimes he posted photos of her, which was a real treat because she never posted enough, plus you loved any sneak peek into their lifestyle or taste in decor. But they’re broken up, and you following him can’t fix that, and he’s just making you mad by posting photos of his new lover. Get him out of here! He does not need your help in supporting his follower number.

The Smoothie Account That Was Making You Feel Inadequate

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If it has been two years and three days since you followed this account and not once have you made one of the convoluted recipes that involve fruits from exotic locales and potentially illegal berries; if you never bought the glass jars with the kind of tin lids that have holes meant for straws; if you never bought straws; if you are still starving after smoothies and don’t understand how they fill anyone up; and if all of this makes you feel in some way lesser-than, get rid of the account. Yes, it’s pretty and refreshing-looking. But so is a glass of water.

That “No Rest Days” Fitspiration Account

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Gaze upon glazed, professional abs all you want, but the moment they make you start looking at own belly like it just said something bad about your mom, get rid of it. Fitspiration is meant to inspire, not deflate.

That Person Who Never Followed You Back

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I  know you want to take it personally, but don’t take it personally. If their world doesn’t seem to crumble without your social media presence in it, then listen, they don’t know what they’re missing! But I promise that you won’t miss them, either. This two-way street has wide lanes, my friend. Go swimming in them.

The Animal You Used to Love But Has Gotten a Little Annoying

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Repeat after me: You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog. You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog.

No matter what it’s owner AKA your friend who last lost touch with reality justtt a tad says.

You are not a bad person for unfollowing a dog.

The Worst

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Every single one of us follows The Worst, whatever that may mean. (It varies person to person.) You know this person is your The Worst because he or she makes you roll your eyes so hard they catch in their sockets. He/she reminds you that just when things are looking up, this kind of human being exists in your feed. You can’t control The Worst’s online whereabouts, posting frequency, content, tone or messaging. But you can click that big juicy unfollow button. Oh, and it’s such a satisfying feeling. One press down, a euphoric release up and you, my friend, are free.

Happy 2017!

As for people TO follow, how about these five women who are letting us track their resolutions progress?

Illustrations by Maria Jia Ling Pitt; follow her on Instagram @heysuperstar.

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  • Kate Skinner

    Yes to all of these! But also – I need to unfollow all of the “small business start ups” that are trying to sell me crap and that have a million giveaways, but to enter the giveaways you have to follow like 15 more accounts. Be gone!

    • Meghan Kim

      I won a giveaway once. Once.

    • Ana Vla

      ohh my god I hate these. I’ve already unfollowed all of them and never been happier!

  • Meghan Kim

    Two words: Life. Coach.

    • Grace B

      AMEN. I have been so much happier since I deleted the person who not only posts inspirational memes non-stop (or worse, shilling their OWN memes) but also never shuts up about “the universe”. Keep your 5 paragraph reflections on the connectedness of the plants & the air out of my Instagram, thank you very much. #snarkytoday

  • Ryan

    So good! I hope you do a piece like this again, but “photos you can delete off your camera roll” 🙌🙌🙌🙌

    • Amelia Diamond

      omg i love that idea

      • Yes!! I need some serious help with that one. Loved this post!! Xo

      • Ryan

        😊your reply made my dayyyyy

    • Olivia AP

      Too many screenshots that we will never use…

      • dj

        Ha yes I have a lot of images that i swear im going to use for some project or inspiration. Or vacation pics of the same image but cant decide which to keep

    • Fawcett Proust

      I use Google Photos. It backs everything up in the cloud and links it to your email so you can delete all the useless photos you don’t “need” but still want. Definitely a lifesaver.

  • Aydan

    Totally truth on The Worst. Except my bestie and I both follow and then will trade interesting remarks about what we see, perhaps not the best thing to joke about, but guiltily pleasurable nonetheless…

  • chouette

    I think I should delete everyone I follow but Marnie the Dog.

  • siksenseofhumor

    Sometimes I am too tempted to unfollow 2 specific people but one is my co-worker whom I see every single day and the other is my cousin 😖

    • Cristina

      I blocked some of my in-law family on Facebook and don’t lose any sleep about it. I have a right to see only things I want too in my timeline lol

  • Mari

    Also? Online shops on instagram. At least a few of them. SO MANY ONLINE STORES. 🙁

  • I must admit, I’ve unfollowed quite a few dogs…

    Also some bloggers I have much love for, but some are just too heavily into product pushing and advertising that it’s annoying… unfollow immediately.

    • Cristina

      re; ALL the bachelor and bachelorette contestants. PLEASE NO MORE SKINNY TEA AND HAIR GUMMIES

  • Kathy Cappa
  • Haaaaaa!

  • Sarah

    i’ve had to unfollow quite a few of people who have taken their “influencer” status too far – individual accounts that now just feel like constant business/advertising are so not cool.

  • vic

    + unfollow your ex

  • BK

    I follow unfunny meme accounts purely FOR the captions about math homework, which are the true memes in my eyes.

    Also, I once unfollowed a dog and made a polite comment recommending they reconsider much they saturated the news feed (32 photos in one day FYI) and they blocked and reported me and got a bunch of their other followers to do the same thing :/

  • Huynh Truc

    I’m following my ex and she’s very happy

    http://sofatailoc.com/boc-nem-ghe-sofa.html

  • AryaChic

    This is like a 2017 social media cleanse, I love it!

    http://www.aryachic.com/fishnet-stockings

  • naomi campbells cheekbones

    My follow list went down from 13k+ to less than 400, after two weeks of serious purging. I feel like a brand new person and no one can say nothin’ to me. (Also, Jackie Aina faved a tweet of mine a couple days ago too!)

  • Cristina

    Sooo.. I should probably stop following the like, 3 random Trader Joe’s accounts?! Lol!

  • siksenseofhumor

    Yeah, I know. My co-worker I don’t mind her much but my cousin is more on the sensitive side and she doesn’t post terrible things, but I just got fed up of her motivational posts and her dogs posts. Ugh! XD

  • Darn, I was hoping you were going to drag actual accounts @ameliadiamond:disqus

  • Andrea

    can I be v specific here & say unfollow the Fat Jewish – his content is frequently racist and he’s also just The Worst

  • Jo Ylatalo

    Literally got past the first paragraph and immediately unfollowed 200 accounts.
    Now I feel lighter.

  • Ana Vla

    Also the ‘business’ accounts that only post quotes. Only quotes ALL THE FRICKIN’ TIME!!! The worst part is that they sell online courses about “getting instagram followers” and their main strategy IS TO POST QUOTES ALL THE TIME AAGGGHHH

  • Mun

    I just can’t unfollow a dog. No matter what.

    sniff

    http://www.wllwproject.com