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17 Women Describe Losing Their Virginity Via Haiku

The results are the pinnacle of modern art.

10.06.16

grown-ass-woman-month-series-man-repeller

I might be offended by the negative connotation of the expression “losing one’s virginity” if I thought a more positive one was remotely appropriate. As a rule, the first time is almost always terrible. If yours wasn’t, consider me mad at you. Sex might be a primal urge, sure, but almost nothing about it feels instinctual when you’re bone-shakingly nervous and armed with little more than that one scene from Titanic. Or maybe you’re drunk and armed with porn, but it’s all kind of the same, isn’t it? That is to say: significantly less romantic than almost every movie would have you believe. But also kind of funny, particularly in hindsight and provided it’s not traumatic.

We asked 17 of our friends to describe their first time to us, but we asked them to do it via haiku. Because why not look for poetry in your probably very embarrassing entry-point into sexual activity? Click through above and then please, if you’re comfortable, woo us with your own in the comments. It would make our whole entire day.

Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis.

virginity-haiku

Get more Postmodern Love ?
  • Carley

    Missed my flight back home
    One last chance to penetrate
    Cowgirl? La victoire!

    Carley // Age: 22

    • Krista Anna Lewis

      This last line would be amazing on a t-shirt.

  • Katy

    Sweet fixed-gear redhead
    His parents house, I stayed the night
    They were home. Skipped breakfast.
    Katy
    Age: 20

    • Katy Shayne

      Ah crap one too many syllables haha!

      • Bekah

        rebel 😉

  • Bekah

    He was a stoner
    But so was I in those days
    I was on top- yaaas!

    Bekah // Age lost: 15

  • Whitney Colon

    Basement and small couch
    Shrek playing in the background
    Huge! Oh so painful!
    Whitney// Age lost: 16

    • Haley Nahman

      lol @ shrek

  • Quinn Halman

    So tight it hurt him?
    Thanks Four Loko and black bra
    Never spoke again

    Age lost: 18

    • Aydan

      four lokos…man, that takes me back

      • Quinn Halman

        It was fruit punch flavoured and then I put in pieces of fruit and called it trashgria (sangria for trash)

  • Audrey Rothers

    Basement pull-out couch
    Are you bleeding? Nope! *high five*
    I love you. Again?

  • ellie

    He went to ask his
    weird neighbour for a condom,
    when I left he cheered.

    alt,
    His doorman asked me
    to prove my age, just fifteen,
    home by ten pm.

    alt,
    once it was all done,
    My mom gave me a ride home,
    I never told her.

  • Elle

    I was in a field
    a football field in the dark
    I felt nothing much

    L // Age: 17

  • A tall dark stranger
    Took me by surprise one night
    Walked away whistling.

    alcessa // lying

  • Alejandra Buitrago

    Wore a bad luck bra.
    Nothing/no one came of it.
    Forever alone.

    Ale// Age 23

  • emdeee

    He was my first love. He had long hair and tight clothes. My mom was away.
    Em // Age lost: 18

    • kjrobot

      Ah. Long hair and tight clothes. They were basically my reasons too. haha!

  • Amber Bradford

    I’m sentimental
    But I just wanted to see
    What the hype was for

    Amber // Age lost: 17

  • Amelia Diamond

    ALL I AM GOING TO DO TODAY IS READ ALL OF THE COMMENT HAIKUS PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING THESE ARE AMAZING!

    • Yvonne Dunlevie

      What she said ^^^

    • Carley

      pun intended? *badum-psh*

    • ashley

      so good!!!

  • Ash

    Summer night, dirt road,
    Driver seat of his Dodge truck,
    “Meh”, but still in love.

    Ashley / / Age: 17

  • Linnea

    Didn’t loose anything
    Only my interest in the guy
    He fucking stunk (fortunately others don’t)

    L / 16

  • kay

    i was done with it
    he was a sure thing and fiiiiiiiine
    i asked him to prom

    kay// age 17

  • Anonymous

    Had vaginismus.
    Married for six years before
    Sex. True love, bitches.

    Anon // Age: 30

    • Erin Beck

      Me too! Two years before sex, but not true love.

  • Katie V.

    So dumb. No condom.
    How different life would be
    If I got pregnant.

    Katie // Age 16

  • Anonymous

    Boyfriend’s dad walked in
    “Watching movie” in basement
    Condom broke of course

    Age: 15

  • New Year’s Eve blackout
    Champagne and vodka-soaked
    Hardly counts as sex

    Age lost: 19

  • nicolacash

    Halloween weekend
    Rich and hot star quarterback
    You can google him

    Nicole / Age: 19

    haha this was fun

  • SHANA MARIA VERGHIS

    Cute and funny and also sad. 🙂

  • AM

    he was my boyfriend
    i didn’t want to lose it
    but he didn’t ask
    A.M. // age 16

  • Anon

    He wore me down, but
    I didn’t really want to.
    Happy birthday to me.
    Anonymous/ Age 18

  • Dana Pollock

    OMG this is the best thing ever.

    We chose the twin bed
    Even though there was a queen
    In the same damn room.

    • Dana

      Small and sad willy
      I was a babe of fourteen
      His name was Billy

  • Amy G.

    I loved him so much
    But, my God, that hurt like hell!
    Better next time…right???

    Age 15

  • Megan

    Mattress on the floor?!
    God, I should have known better.
    Didn’t even come.

    Megan / / Age lost: 24

  • Zeezus

    I bled on his bed
    And on his parents wood floors
    And then we got high

    Zareena//kissed it goodbye at 18

  • dw

    I was seventeen
    Thought “let’s get it over with”
    It was fine I guess

  • Hannah

    Canyon floor, no thanks,
    Back to your teenage twin bed,
    Thank god for the lube.

    Hannah / Age 17

  • sarah

    He was a real jerk
    But at twenty-five the first
    To want to kiss me

    Sarah // Age 25

  • Nina

    Pulled the “Naked man”
    I am ashamed to say that
    It worked, our love lasted three years

    Nina // Age lost:15

  • Andy Grin

    Couch gap revealed
    Money, purse
    Slid my hand in first
    /11

  • Emily

    Well, that didn’t hurt
    Fell asleep right after
    Sorry not sorry

  • S

    Sloppy, far from cute, but
    (gay) girls just want to have fun
    on a dorm sofa.

    19

  • Erin

    He was a mormon
    Parked in between two cornfields
    He had a micro penis

    Age lost: 7 days before I turned 17

  • Miranda Genevieve

    On my mother’s bed
    I watch the television
    Done in three minutes

    Miranda // Age lost: 13

  • Andrea Raymer

    It hasn’t happened
    Sorry to disappoint you.
    I should be a nun.
    Andrea // Age 25

  • Aggie

    He was a Kiwi.
    Drunk on Vodka & Redbull
    Struggled with English.

    Aggie // Age: 17

  • Emily Parrett

    You, me and your friend.
    We just worked, but he got bored.
    Was his party. Oops!

    Emily// Age 17

  • Danielle Turney

    He straightened his hair,
    And loved to accessorize.
    The spark ended there.
    Danielle // Age 16

  • courtforce

    I was cat-sitting.
    You snuck in my neighbor’s house,
    Drove your dad’s car off.

    Courtney//age: 18

    • courtforce

      Age lost**

  • Emma

    Happened this summer!

    Listened to Bjork
    From behind even though i wish he wouldn’t have
    bicycle back home 5 a.m

    Age: 17

    The truth is, he never really was nice or cared that much about me. so it’s not much of a loss, that we don’t hang out anymore. Moving on!

  • Atia Karkaroff-A

    He was a writer of thirty
    He thought I was sexy
    Is that it ? Dumped him the following week

    Atia // 19

  • Michela Galante

    Guy friend’s brother.
    He will not find out, he said.
    He found out next day.

  • Robin

    green soft carpeting
    our friend was moving abroad
    not even a bed

    robin / 15

  • Marina

    to a weird hotel.
    im fucking nervous – panic.
    … that a green day shirt?!

    Marina // Age lost: 21

  • Eliza

    He loved me tender
    After six years, we married
    And love tender still

    Eliza // Age lost: 18

  • MermaidMay

    Long hair and full lips
    Beautiful in every way
    He drowned that summer

    Age: 16 yrs.

  • ilahlawther

    Prom night trampoline
    You sure you want to do this?
    So very cliche

    17

  • It was delicate,
    The dress with the golden bow.
    Your foreplay was not.

    Age 16, after semi-formal [i.e. this is a cliche]

  • Jamie Leland

    Suburban back seat
    Struggled with his large boner
    He asked, “Is it in?”

  • Sarah Bennett

    beach, night, sandy ass
    15 seconds, “wait, that’s it?”
    on my dads birthday

    Sarah // Age 15 (almost 16)

  • anonymous1

    He threw my birthday
    party afterwards, his football
    team gave him high fives

    Vanessa Carlton
    was clearly delusional
    little bit of pain?

    There is nothing quite
    romantic regarding tight
    spaces and rubber

  • Jules

    Sixteen, with first love
    Parents gone? Perfect timing
    Peen/sex bar set high

    Jules / 25

  • Seattle Sam

    Spooned fruit in his mouth
    My first time – he doesn’t know
    Still – wine and blood stained.

    Age 19

  • Sarah Lindsay

    Egotistic boy,
    and a very self conscious girl.
    Unrequited love.
    Age: 17

  • Cait

    Parked on “Cherry Hill”
    Lost the condom inside me
    But he was so sweet

    Age 16

  • Rebecca

    I didn’t know why
    my vagina was burning
    (First yeast infection)

  • lucie

    drink this bacardi
    he said, i’ll be back soon
    when you’re drunk enough

  • Emily

    Is it in, he said?
    Several months later, we
    managed. Stressful time.

    alternate:

    Lost it over time,
    We practiced diligently.
    Just the tip…it’s in!

  • Sarah

    Treasure box condom
    He had the futon and the age
    I was 17 ((and learning))

  • Emily Gregor

    Bunkbed excitement.
    Ohmygodicannotwait
    Anndddd that’s an orgasm.
    Emily // 18

  • ashley

    11th grade love.
    his friend left, made mac n cheese
    it was very quick

    ashley, 16

  • Ginger

    Anthony played drums.
    His mom kicked me out after.
    No condom. It’s fine.

    14

  • Svenja

    Great first teenage love –
    Months after the end friends tried
    what lovers didn’t dare.

    Svenja // Age lost: 16

  • Kendall

    He’s dating guys now
    That pretty much sums it up
    In retrospect, duh.

  • Julie

    My first/last real love
    Sharp pain, then like rabbits
    Miss him, how we were.

  • anonymous

    Summer abroad, club
    Foreign model asked me out
    Shit movie, sweet guy
    /19
    (Also my first kiss,
    probably a bad idea.
    He was so hot tho)

  • Lea Barso

    Subterranean
    sex. Thighs so sore at traffic
    school the day after.
    Lea // 18

    PS: THIS IS AMAZING!

  • Michelle

    Coolest guy in school
    Was expelled, then my boyfriend
    Thought I could fix him

    His mom left to smoke
    He led me to the basement
    Pillows on concrete

    Was that really it?
    Done before her cigarette
    Waste of my damn time

    Age: 15

  • Janet Hume

    “Please tell me you got
    something out of that,” he said.
    “Nope. We’ll keep trying.”

    This is not my story, but my (former virgin) boyfriend’s. He was 25, I was 27.

  • Melissa

    Just what I wanted
    Much older, to my 23
    It was like sex school

    😉

  • Jen

    Shitty hotel room
    You paid your friends to leave us
    I felt torn in two

    16

  • Anon

    Drunk after my prom
    Forest floor under a tree
    He told all his friends

    Age lost: 16

  • Erin Elizabeth

    In childhood room.
    With my best friend, Slayer played.
    Nine years together.
    Erin / Age: 17

  • Anonymous

    Twin bed in a dorm
    Was not told warming lube burns
    Said, “Did it happen?”

  • Emily Cunningham

    Wanted me on top
    Legs tired; he came right as
    My entire thigh cramped

    Age lost: 15

    (I had to go to the doctor and get a muscle relaxer the next day and he’s gay now, so…)

    • Beki

      WOW this is amazing and made me laugh out loud during class

  • Jolie

    Did it seven times
    In one day, unsure if we
    Were doing it right

    //16

  • PapaD

    Planned out; night before
    “Heres a taste of what’s to come”
    Phrase grosses me out

    Eleni | age lost: 18

  • b.e.g.

    I was insecure, he was popular
    Had long blonde locks
    Forget his name now

    Age 15

  • BrooklynBird

    so many of these are so heartbreaking

  • megzzz31

    could not get it up
    tried again the next weekend
    on your sisters floor

    age: 16

  • Caitlin Campbell

    Drunk. Christmas Eve.
    Spewed during, spewed after, drunk.
    Santa still came though.

    Age: 18

  • calliemyers

    Kissing on the beach
    Before moving to trash room
    Six pumps to the end

  • Jayne

    On your sisters bed
    Before your parents came home
    Blood on flower sheets

  • Lucy

    turned the lights down low.
    told me that he loved me.
    just to fucking use me.
    Lucy//19

  • Fezzers

    Pull the blanket up!
    (Roommate walked in the room-
    Stays for two hours)

  • Emilie Vita

    He climbed on top.
    Bad idea. Holy shit why.
    Is my vagina wack?

    Alt.
    He doesn’t deserve me.
    Will I ever leave him?
    Is this maybe traumatizing?

    Age lost:19

  • Alison

    Midnight in a park
    Apparently illegal?
    Mute court room meeting

  • Emilie Vita

    Dick impaling. Raw pain.
    Keep going. Just to creep
    Closer to my suicide.

  • Sophia

    a lonely freshman
    we both liked mac demarco
    roommate was asleep

    Sophia // Age lost: 18

  • Natasha

    Omygosh you guyyyyys! loved reading every one of these.

  • Kornelia Staniszewski

    He was a match
    He talked too much
    I never saw him again.
    Age Lost: 18

  • Greer Clarke

    HAHAHAH Liz

  • Greer Clarke

    In the cubby house
    Pretended to have a fight
    So your sister left

  • karen ermili

    Said we’d take it slow
    But I said not gentle, thanks
    On the kitchen floor

  • MMG

    At a lighthouse base
    We split an cherry Danish
    So goddamn cliché

    Mary//Age Loss: 19

  • Was late in the game
    He was sweet, I said go slow
    HBD to me
    Age: 27

  • Oana

    Hurt like hell,
    Felt like I was burning but not in the good way
    Got UTI after.

  • Emilie Vita

    “Fine.” He climbed on top.
    Bad idea. Holy shit why.
    This is fucked. Oh well.

  • I said no, but it.
    Never mattered. Since then,
    Sex gives me power.

    Age 15

  • Murphy Kate

    Slid on the condom,
    It didn’t even go in,
    He came straight away.

    Kate : age lost 18

  • alexandra

    polyester sheet
    he’s a foot shorter than me
    what a fucking joke

    age lost: 17

  • Jaclyn Levy

    Honest to goodness,
    It was on my wedding night.
    I know, I’m a dork.

  • anon

    red blood in the sheets
    “you really WERE a virgin?”
    “ha, I thought you lied”

    Almost 14

  • Emma Le Ster

    Deux mois ensemble
    Il a préparé le diner
    Okay, on le fait
    Emma // Age lost : 18

  • Hannah Wiggins

    Just my cherry pop
    Convinced of period blood
    Idiot boyfriend

  • jasmin se

    They thought we were siblings
    we had just the same hair colour
    4 seconds and over

    Jasmin // Age lost: 17

  • Sarah Osl

    i liked him a lot
    he didn’t like me that much
    he just wanted to fuck

    Sarah // Age lost: 16

  • tuva

    First for both
    Was not sure it is gone
    Proof on panty later
    Sleeps by my side now
    Baby boy on the other side

    Age:21

  • What Ellie said.

  • Elena Arroyo

    On his basement couch
    It lasted like two minutes
    Parents were upstairs

    Elena // Age Lost: 16

  • Elena Arroyo

    On his basement couch
    It lasted like two minutes
    Afternoon delight

    Elena // Age Lost: 16

  • Mar

    We met on Tinder. He was the sweetest. Why the hell did it take me so long? We are still dating.

    Mar // Age lost: 24

  • Amy

    The morning after
    his 15th birthday, young love
    3 years on, he’d had enough

    Age: 13

  • BK

    Was a bit painful,
    But it was mostly boring.
    We broke up (thank god).

    BK // 19 and stupid

  • meme

    Four years to be ready
    And a whole day to succeed
    “Go on top” said my friend

    Catholic girl: 19

  • Marce

    I was so in love
    However, was not ready
    Prove my love I did
    Age 24

  • Luarnaiz

    Summercamp, my crush
    Too many tequilas for sure.
    Bed bunks are not nice

    Lucia // Age lost: 18

  • Bh

    A friend’s poolparty
    ended in your father’s bed
    so that’s that I guess

    B / Age lost: 16

  • Dar

    My crush and friend dance –
    philosophy bro likes me –
    walked home in toga.

  • Dar

    my friend and [my] crush dance-
    sought validation elsewhere-
    walked home in toga.

    Age lost – 19

  • Caro A

    lived in my building
    he was seven years older
    and tossed me around

    it was the first date
    i said “ive never done it,
    no time like right now”

    age lost: 21

  • Liz

    Love haikus, love haikus about love, do not love perpetuating the notion that virginity can be *lost*

  • Lisa

    On our dear friends’ couch
    Dogsitting. Dog watched us, too.
    With him to this day.

    Lisa // Age 23

  • Julia Camilleri

    I asked him to, with tears
    Night and then morning
    I wish we still talk

    Julia // 18

  • Jen

    Banished to a bed
    His friend asleep on the floor
    I shaved for his twin

    Age lost: 16

  • Alexandra Scharpnick

    13 years old
    Martial Arts intructors son
    Bathroom floor (at the studio)
    Not pleasured, felt confussed why sex was hyped

  • Taylor

    He said “All that’s left
    Is for me to marry you.”
    Shit my pants and ran.

    Taylor // Age 15

  • Sugar Bones

    Eyeball-licking drunk
    snuck in my bedroom window
    Wait, ok, alright
    Liz // age at time 17

  • Anonymous

    Friend’s boyfriend’s roommate
    Did he even penetrate?
    Fought with friend later

    Age:23

  • Katie

    flirty coworker
    floor of a stockroom
    rugburn and success
    //26

  • Stephanie

    Drunk as hell, just thrown up
    Minutes later in bed
    We were both cleaning up my blood.
    Still like it on top.

    Stephanie // Age lost: 20

  • Ex-boyfriend’s empty house
    You were really attentive
    Now I think you’re gay

    Zoë // Age lost: 16

  • Lindsey James

    I burned the pasta
    badly, christmas cookie can-
    -dle lit, it was July.

    Lindsey // Age 17

  • Gloria

    “The Gold Standard”

    Pre-Tinder/Bumble..
    “We met at a bar,” I said.
    Thanks, Plenty of Fish.

    Gloria // Age lost: 19

  • KG

    End of Junior year
    Said yes to hold on to him
    Ended soon anyway
    K // Age 21

    Alternate:

    Though ugh sure why not
    Meant more than I’d expected
    Not sure heart has healed

    K // 8 years ago

  • Teanna

    I said no to him.
    He still lifted up my dress.
    Married the next girl.

    Age lost: 18

  • Brynn

    Freshman year. Harvard.
    Couldn’t feel it inside me
    What’s your name, again?

    lost @ 19

  • MG

    post frat toga party
    under an animal house “college” poster
    he kept his socks on

  • kjrobot

    You looked like The Strokes
    Actually not really
    But it was enough

  • Deanna

    I laid in the dark.
    Silent, peaceful, finally
    Banged the cool senior.

    Deanna // age 15

  • Lauren

    head bumping on wall
    oh why Jim Morrison, why!!
    thank god im older

  • Alyssa

    On a basement couch
    Asked if I wanted candles
    I said “what the fuck”

    Alyssa // Age:17

    Also I love Leandra’s especially for some reason haha.

  • Fawcett Proust

    Second floor bathroom
    You smelled Axe spray and sweat
    I don’t know your name

    Fawcett / Age Lost: 13 (and a half!)

  • Courtney

    my first apartment
    right after my parents left
    it underwhelmed me
    Age: 20

    • Courtney

      and the sequel!

      four years after that
      I broke up with him because
      our sex life had died

  • Ri Ha

    He drove one hour
    It was three in the morning
    Dick too big we stopped

    Ri // Age lost: 17

  • Louise

    Ouch! “Well, there it went”
    He really said that after
    But I did love him

    16

  • Welschie

    On his waterbed
    Two more friends were in his room
    It was Arkansas

    Age 16

  • Sarah

    Shaggy hair and blue eyes
    It was sweeter than honey
    Summertime heartbreak

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