Paris Fashion Week commenced this afternoon with shows from Anthony Vaccarello and Simon Porte Jacquemus, who could not have better proven a hypothesis we set forward last year at this time suggesting that Jacquemus might very well be the new Margiela.
Of course, no designer is actually the new anybody else. That sounds far too reductive for 2016; we’re a culture of creatives ripe for unique identity with a platform to show it, dammit! Relegating that power is futile.
But get a load of those shoulder pads, man. Are they not similar to the box jackets that the house of Margiela showed for Spring/Summer 2011? I’ve got to say, this is fun stuff. Here we’ve spent the past three-and-change years looking at such literal clothes. Such wearable concepts. And while Jacquemus does this pretty great thing wherein even the most out-there ideas and their physical manifestations might appear tough to digest, when served for consumption, they’re seemingly handed off with an absorption-aiding enzyme. But I digress — this is about the lessons of Jacquemus, so without further ado…
The shoulder pad is not dead — on the contrary. It is now a wearable couch.
Mini skirts are cool, but they’re also obvious. An interesting alternative might be wearing a small sized hoola hoop that is filled in with suede.
Kidneys! We all have them, we all like them — why not wear them over your anatomical prize in leather?
You might be dating Edward Scissorhands, you might not be dating Edward Scissorhands, but in the event someone is to slash your suit horizontally, a smart way to recover it is through the fell use of multiple linen ties.
Your dad’s XL vacation shirt might become your favorite mini dress if you can find the right thigh highs. Next steps: rip slits into your longest sleeved ribbed t-neck and wear underneath.
Bell bottom sleeves are a thing, but really hard to wear under coats — unless, that is, your coat is actually a cape that you have cinched. Dun dun.
If you’re sick of being called high strung, that is understandable. Just explain to your naysayer that this blouse is a metaphor for your identity in that it is high strung but also decidedly cool and as such you have no plans to change it.
Shoes! Who needs ’em?
Meanwhile, here’s an extremely fresh take on wearing dresses. A smart way to reconsider the ones that don’t fit you anymore, eh?
And for the ones that do? Glue them to your sweater and gel your straps up like they are Cameron Diaz’s front fringe in There’s Something About Mary.
This just in: the power suit has been augmented to better reflect the escalating meaning of what it means to be a woman in a power suit in 2016. The bigger the shoulders, the higher the clout.
Hands! Who needs ’em?
Great sweater — but beyond that, why not consider wearing just one glove so that when people ask what you’re doing you can explain that you’ve been gardening?
A great conversation starter for overnight flights.
Toilet paper arm?
When you’re sick of your shirt dress and don’t know what to do with it, attempt cutting it at the side seams and then tying the front together leaving behind a tail to serve as a metaphor for…for…for…your legacy!
Jacquemus Fall/Winter ’16 via Vogue Runway; collage by Emily Zirimis.