They came in so loud and made such a ruckus and for what? For nothing! Have our lives actually changed since the 2010s renamed themselves the 70s? Has anyone actually resubmitted themselves to the decade of a bygone era? Beyond the clothes, I’ve seen no technological nor gastronomic nor cultural regressions. Have you? So I’m calling it quits. Marking the 70s definitively over as far as my wardrobe can travel. But this presents a minor problem: following the collection of flare legs I have done my part to accrue, what’s a girl to do to wear them while feeling, you know, “modern?”
So here, three ways to flare your wear jeans (hehe, get it?) the 2016 way.
If Your Jeans Are Actually Corduroys…
Try wearing them under a dress over. The turtleneck is optional but it is still winter, so, you know, I’m trying to be practical. This is an especially lucrative styling option if you have recently rediscovered the delight of Forty Carrots at Bloomingdale’s. If you haven’t, I am sure you will now and then! You’ll need a dress. I’d recommend something knee length so that your flare doesn’t get lost, but no specific color combination is off limits. If you’re interested in the particular pieces I have on tap, here you go: J.Crew turtleneck, Rochas dress (similar slip style here), McGuire denim corduroys, Muzungu Sisters jacket, Zanzan sunglasses.
If They’re White and You Thought They’d Only Work With a Suede Jacket…
What were you thinking? White jeans are like Switzerland — neutral to a fault. You can wear them however you damn well please. Today, I’d recommend various shades of tapestry — on your feet, on your upper body. Excessive cuffs don’t feel like the worst idea either. Not a bad idea beyond this: chunky flat boots, a white t-shirt and black blazer like you’re a lighter version of Fran Lebowitz and thus capable of holding two opposing thoughts in one opinion. Coooool.
Go Big or Go Ham
Meaning: you have no choice but to go big. When wearing studded jeans like the above, what’s your other option? Sure you can try a simple crew or v-neck sweater, but what’s the fun in that? A sequined tank top paired over a t-shirt will evince the spirit of a 90s POG-player but you will shut that shit right down by introducing the prospect of nursing shoes and a jacket that Keanu Reeves would have probably killed you for if he were still the Matrix. Just be grateful you’re alive and well, I guess.
Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis.