What’s the opposite of “be careful what you wish for”?
For episodes now, we have thanked our lucky stars for our limited exposure to Marnie this season. We’ve expressed our gratitude. We’ve blessed up. We have been so very careful about what to wish for and lo! We got her, anyway.
This episode is all about Marnie and sequin dresses and tattoos more ill-advised than that phoenix Ben Affleck swears he didn’t really get and that critical era in our lives between 25 and 26 when we have the eyes of a woman and hands that have touched and no idea what the hell we’re supposed to do next. But mostly, yes, this episode is about Marnie.
Spoiler: It wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was…kinda great. And bonus! We finally found out what happened to Charlie. It’s so satisfying to have a mystery solved, isn’t it? So let’s put our heads together and delve deep into these questions. I can’t do it on my own.
1. What brand of eyelash curler does Marnie use? Best guestimates welcome.
2. Marnie! Unlikely feminist icon! On behalf of “you’re such a frigid b**ch”es the world over, I am grateful! To what address can I send a dozen Levain cookies to thank you for drawing the essential distinction between “cold” and “mad”?
3. Is Desi circa Season 5 giving anyone else flashbacks of Adam circa Season 1? Even the cadence of their voices! Is it not uncanny?
4. Riddle me this: Since the days of Marissa Cooper in that heart-print off-the-shoulder top, has there ever been a more spectacular woman in a more horrendous wardrobe on television than Marnie? Isn’t it the greatest?
5. Charlie?!!?!?!!? Kindly leave initial reactions and more reasoned analyses of how and why this has happened below.
6. Isn’t it nice to know that in a mere 10 minutes and four seconds, Marnie can vacillate between “oddly wise” and “the bane of our collective existence”? It’s sort of reassuring, you know, because it just means that we all contain multitudes, right? At least, that’s how I’m choosing to read this scene.
7. If you were to tag along on to aid and abet a crime, would Magitta really be your nom de plume? No — I know you. You’d do better.
8. Have you ever been trying to eat dinner in peace when some obnoxious dude and gal who somehow both think they’re Cameron Diaz in a rom-com start dancing next to you?
9. Is Charlie special? Or, could any ol’ someone have made Marnie cheat?
10. Does anyone else ever mute the TV when the scene gets scary and/or have to watch it through his/her fingers? Is anyone else’s heart beating really fast right now? Does anyone really think that people don’t get robbed anymore? Has Marnie ever read a newspaper?
11. Why am I more concerned for Marnie’s personal safety than Marnie is?
12. Not to be your mom, but I’m guessing our pal Charl’ didn’t wear a condom?
13. Does anyone have literally anything intelligent to say about men and crying and Desi? Because I’m trying really hard to make some good sense of it, but I’m coming up super short.
14. Wait, wait, wait, does this mean there’s hope for Marnie?
15. And further: Does this mean there’s hope for Hannah and Fran? Do you sort of hope there…isn’t?