How to Go on Vacation Just by Dressing Like It
This is not a timeshare scam!!! (But a fedora is involved!!!)
Let me tell you who Adele would be on Snapchat: the kind of girl who sends 10-second-long shots of her knees overlooking oceanic water like a two-headed Mount Rushmore that could probably use an SPF upgrade, if we’re all being honest (in addition to jealous).
“Hello from the other side,” she’d write.
“Why is Adele always on vacation,” you’d side-text your BFF.
“IK, right.” She’d respond, followed by, “Must be nice,” or, “Get a job.”
But the green gills of envy look good on no one except for your utility jacket!
(More on that jacket in a second.)
(But because I know you just tried to tap your screen for credits: It’s H&M from their Spring Studio Collection.)
Vacation Adele is hypothetically annoying on Snapchat, yes, but it turns out that you can go on your very own vacation, too — sans funds, mid-winter — just by dressing like it.
Step 1: Passport retrieval
Don’t go into work today. You “have to renew your passport” instead. Everyone knows that this means standing in the line at the passport store for at least 8 hundred hours, which means this will buy you sympathy and time.
What do you need time for? To do absolutely nothing. Don a linen blouse, light jeans (fringe the hems yourself if you need to, but these H&M ones come pre-free’d) and add a shark-full of tassels. Not pictured but not optional: a glass of something with the word piña in it.
Step 2: Book your hotel
Ask your roommate if she knows how to turn towels into the terrycloth equivalent of balloon animals. Hopefully she does. If not, I’m sure there’s a YouTube video that can teach her.
Your job, meanwhile, is to find the nearest pineapple-painted fedora you can, pair it with a terra-cotta tank and then wrap a sarong around your thong. No one likes bare cheeks on the communal steaming bench, especially not your roommate. Especially x2 not when “communal steaming bench” means your couch with the heat turned up an unsafe amount. Give your roommate a break, though! She’s making you a cool turtle out of a towel and a pair of sunglasses.
Step 3: Take a Dip
There’s that jacket I told you about! But this time, it’s green with utility and you’re golden with happiness. Your end of the stick: add a high-neck sports bra, steal the sunnies off of that terry turtle and take a dip in the porcelain ocean. No tub? No troubles. Buy a kiddie pool, fill it up, flip on the boob tube and don’t say I never did anything for ya worth Snapchatting Adele about.
It’s like a staycation minus the lamecation, and your flight’s leaving soon.