19 Questions About the Series Premiere of Girls

Mattie Kahn | February 22, 2016

Some rhetorical, some not, all like: ??????????????????

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I watched the series premiere of Girls last night. And now I have at least 19 questions about it. Like Hannah and the people she still seems to think of as her friends, I need answers.

Five seasons in, we’re all still searching.

1. When Marnie laments that she had “the option for a tent, but of course [she] didn’t take it,” is that, like, a metaphor for her entire existence so far? Discuss.

2. On a scale of 1-10, how much happier would Marnie be if she could have at least most of her conversations with her own reflection?

3. A two part-er:

a) Of the foursome, is Marnie more the Ted Cruz or the Donald Trump? As in, is she truly malevolent and yet sincere in her craziness? Or, is she more the stop-at-nothing egomaniac on a mission for world domination kind?

b) Is this comparison more or less inappropriate than that time Fran arrived about six hours early to a wedding? Not that I’m some kind of expert on the intricacies of fifteenth-wave feminism, but I’m pretty sure the good men understand that female-only spaces are sacred.

4. Multiple choice! Who invented the myth that rain on your wedding day means good luck and fertility?

a) Your bubbe

b) The patriarchy

c) Olivia Pope, professional spin doctor

d) The Ndebele tribe

5. Is #notallweddings some kind of statement about #notallmen? Is a #yesallfuneralsforwomeninvolvebarrelcurls backlash inevitable? Asking for a Marnie.

6. Do you know a grown man who, like Desi, uses the word “baby” to refer to other humans? If so, can you fix him? While you’re doing good deeds, can you make sure this same asshole never ever tells someone he is a “comrade in arts” or a “comrade in arms”? Unless he is in the armed forces at least several centuries ago, both are inexcusable.

7. Is Desi spiritually required to phrase his every utterance in the words of rejected Hoobastank lyrics?

8. Is Jessa wearing a cross? Relatedly, do you think Jessa knows what cool Jesus would do?

9. On that note, how is it possible that we’ve made it through almost some three-dozen episodes and no one has found Kabbalah yet? Lena, come on.

10. When Adam leans in and kisses Jessa and Jessa sort of doesn’t kiss back and then sort of does, is it better or worse that she at least had the presence of mind to whisper, “I can’t,” first?

11. Multiple choice! Which couple do Ray and Marnie most resemble:

a) Jack and Rose

b) Romeo and Juliet

c) Seth and Summer, but only in season one

d) Spencer and Heidi

12. Is it ever alright to tell a bride that she looks like a Starbucks cup? Does it depend on whether or not you mean she looks like one of those cute festive red cups?

13. Will crotch-length vests for men ever make a real comeback? And is a guru a true guru if he doesn’t have a thin cotton scarf looped around his neck?

14. If Bridezilla Marnie is indeed as Hannah declares, “like a rom-com that even I wouldn’t want to watch,” can someone please make the rom-coms we do want to watch? Judd Apatow, I know you’re out there! Send help!

15. Do you think Fran has sisters? What’s his mom like?

16. Is the test of good friendship letting your oldest pal marry a delusional jerk?

17. Lip liner???

18. For a person who’s been the shittiest friend ever, Marnie seems to really believe that she’s always been there for Hannah. Who gave her the secret codes to such underserved confidence? Can she email them to me?

19. Based on his all-black attire, doesn’t it kind of look like Elijah is attending a funeral for humanity? Isn’t this unholy wedding pretty much exactly that?

Follow Girls whiz and author Mattie on Twitter @mattiekahn; Collage by Emily Zirimis.

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  • keta

    I’ve missed hating them so much <3 I can't really believe Marnie is the one for Ray part, i still ship Shosh and him, i guess i'm not relevant anymore though.

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  • Kat

    Spent the whole episode groaning about how I haaattteee allllll of them soooo muucchhhh (except Shosh, she is still a treasure) then when it was over I was so aggravated I couldn’t keep binge watching.
    Also when Desi is in the lake and he screams “I am a garbage human!” I related to that a little too much for comfort.

  • Yvonne Dunlevie

    L O L to “rejected Hoobastank lyrics”

  • Awesome questions! The only one (out of the girls) I like is Shosh! They always make a big deal of how narcissistic Hannah is, and yes, she is, but Jessa and Marnie are disgusting! People may not have been psyched about Adam Driver as Kylo Ren, but he and Ray are about the only two lovable characters on that show!

    xx, Elise

    • Aydan

      I’m concerned that Jessa has become a caricature! In season 1 yeah she was insufferable, but as the seasons have gone on it seems to be more cartoonish rather than believable, which is a bit annoying. And yeah my change of heart for Ray over the seasons is incredible, it took me a while to get there, but he is a GEM to this show!!

  • Sara

    Can we also ask- how Ray and desi managed to swim in a river but both look seamlessly dry for the wedding? How?

  • l:ly

    also curious about #15

  • CaturM

    I really enjoyed the episode.. but I must say it felt more like a filler episode than anything else. There wasn’t enough narrative, not enough meat to the script. It felt like the Beach House episode or the one where Hannah spends the weekend with that guy she met when she used to throw her trash in his bins.. Sort of like a nice mid season break with punchy one-liners and a getaway from whatever drama is going on. So I really liked it but it could have aired a few episodes in

  • Stopped watching after the first or second season. This show made me feel worn out. Glad it’s in its penultimate season — although five seasons seems more than enough.

  • Aggie

    Will there ever be an episode where I don’t have to see Hannah’s boobs? I sometimes feel like they use her sex scenes too much, just like GOT’s sex scene, there’s an overload that doesn’t add on to the story. Also, are we bias on liking Adam Driver because he is fully recognized as a celebrity now? I can’t stop thinking of how much of a freak he was in the first season.

  • mollie blackwood

    I felt like it was a filler episode to set up the season maybe but I cracked up when Marnie said she wanted to represent her heritage, “white Christian woman.” And also, “garbage human.”

  • Sophie

    Question: What program do u guys use to edit the pictures you use for all of your posts?!

  • Inkygrl

    I thought it was perfection. Come on, I mean what do people expect from this show? For what it is, it is beautiful. Each character is so well scripted and stops just short of being a caricature…it’s a half hour of tv that is pure entertainment. If I want Shakespeare I’ll read Shakespeare. Meanwhile I’m quite happy to ogle ethereal Jessa and giggle at Sailor Moon Shosh.

  • Ahahha !
    As always, I love your post on Girls. And as I already said it here, your post is actually what makes me still watch the series 🙂

  • Mariana

    I think this music made the episode https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvoJ7qUh3y8. Girls OST gotta be one of the best (as well as The O.C. – I vivdly remember seeing The Killers there and since then they are my fav band)