I Tried the Newest Dating App: Uber Pool

Amelia Diamond | January 7, 2016

Talk about a pick up line.

Uber-pool-dating-man-repeller-titanic-feature

It appears that the newest trend in meeting mates or at the very least getting dates is to just press a shit ton of buttons on your phone, because these days everything can be used as a dating app. Instagram is old news — Airbnb is the new way to hook up. Need an air conditioner installed? Call a Task Rabbit — you’ll get a boyfriend. Or my personal favorite: Credit Karma. Download it, get pissed at your score, chuck your cell at someone’s shin then apologize until it becomes The One’s shin. Now there’s a millennial meet cute!

But that new-new love — that 21st century romance — is all about Uber Pool.

A few friends gave me the idea back in September. They were complaining about how annoying it is that “a girl can’t take a shared ride without getting hit on.”

“Totally,” I said while re-downloading the app after I’d deleted it for making me poor.

“I just want to drink my coffee in peace,” one girl quipped. “Not be fed some guy’s cheesy lines.”

“Like, I’m trying to go to work,” another lamented. “This isn’t a bar.”

“So gross.” (I said that.) “Who even likes bars?”

Me. I like bars.

That Monday, I had never been more excited for a commute.

I’d decided that trying Uber Pool in the name of the dating game would kill a few birds with one phone. Besides the obvious reason, it would help me save money. (So would taking the subway but life isn’t a Rihanna song; love does not exist in hopeless places.) It was also guaranteed to be a great story.

Or so I thought, because alas…

Here we are. Dateless in San Francisco and Manhattan. Nope’d on two coasts like a Mindy Kaling-meets-Meg Ryan character. After testing Uber Pool out in both cities over the course of at least 8 weeks, my only explanation is that the app must be in beta. It’s still working out the bugs: I am straight, yet every car I called matched me with women. Those that didn’t, alternatively, paired me with no one — ironic considering that in the world of carpooling and mass transit, a cheap ride void of any other passengers is what most commuters call “getting lucky.”

What I will say is that Uber Pool is excellent practice for anyone who is new or rusty at dating. For example:

If no one speaks, no one meets.
Prepare for your parents to be concerned for your safety.
You cannot run late.
If you do, they might leave.
Smelling nice guarantees a higher success rate, in general.
Barfing guarantees a lower one.
In general.
There’s a million of them.
But when you really want one, they will be unavailable.
Being located in an inconvenient location (as deemed by you or the other party) is, unfortunately, considered a character flaw.
Having things in common helps lessen the awkward tension.
A comfortable silence, however, is the sign of something good.
Don’t just do it for the story.
Or do, but don’t expect a relationship.
And don’t forget: you can always walk.

Collages by Emily Zirimis

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  • one time i exchanged digits with an uber driver who was taking me to another date. neither of them worked out if you’re wondering.

    • Velma Ramirez

      I am getting a salary of more than 4600 dollars each week , that is awesome. Over a year ago I was in a horrible condition , jobless and Bank account with only few bucks . Thanks to one of my friends who showed me a way where I was able to gather myself and making average of 68 d/h. So it can change your life as it has changed mine.

      http://homesearch.de.im

      jnz…

  • I can’t help but wonder if the friends who are complaining that “this isn’t a bar” are also complaining about the state of their dating lives. Believe me, I have passionate opinions against street/sexual harassment and still employ the #YesAllWomen hashtag in my FB statuses. But our generation also seems to be afraid of bothering each other. I have had more men talk to me in coffee shops and parks my first year in NYC in 2007 than I have the last seven.

    • gommer strike

      Yeah. I think it’s due to the heightened sensitivity around the whole harassment thing. I think it’s better to be safe than sorry. At least if she’s on Tinder or reachable via some form of dating app, we can be safe in the knowledge where this is a mutual place where she can choose to respond(or not), and on her own time.

      Whereas approaching her in person as a total stranger…odds are high that she’s out for a purpose and to get things done. I agree that it does feel that times have changed. Yeah definitely the “don’t bother her” is a thing.

  • anthony

    people are always complaining
    Leather Bracelets

  • Minimalistmuso

    I feel like dating apps are the new “means well friend or relative” who will set you up with someone completely not your type and then get mad at you when it doesn’t work out. At least an app doesn’t send you a notification going “Why didn’t you call him, he’s a great guy, give it another chance, now I can’t invite him to any social function again you’ve made this so awkward..”

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahahh

  • OH! snap I just remembered a story I overheard on the bus last year ish. Establishing shot: megabus bumpin’ along en route from bmore to nyc.
    Inside the bus there are two women talking WAY TO FRICKIN LOUD and OF COURSE I forget my headphones. Anyways, one woman was telling the other that she got a call the other day from an unrecognized number. She answers it and it’s a guy. The guy introduces himself and goes on to tell her that he was riding in an uber car the other day and asked the uber driver if he ever gets hot chicks. The uber driver says yeah and gives the dude this chick’s number. The dude asks if she’d want to meet up some time at least for the story. Dude is denied. Dude cries, birds chirp, etc.

  • Well, that’s a new one! It never crossed my mind to use it as a dating trap! Thanks for the inspiration ?