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I Killed My Snapchat

Here’s what I learned about myself! (Just kidding.)

01.28.16

In an effort to not be dramatic, I will be frank: Snapchat was ruining my life.

Every goal of mine slipped by the flip side because I became a voyeur of my friends’ and acquaintances’ days. When my alarm would sound each morning at 7 a.m. in anticipation of productive plans, I’d silence the bell in exchange for the prior evenings of all those who’d captured their nights. When work proved to be too work-y, I’d pause tasks to watch others broadcast theirs. During those crucial hours of relaxation — when one should be dimming their mental din and tucking into covers, I was just brightening the light, seeing what everyone did for dinner, watched on TV, ate for lunch.

And it was so mind-numbingly boring, I cannot tell you.

I dreaded opening up my Snapchat. It was yet another unread inbox, a list of various communications at which I had failed. On the right swipe: a messy series of direct Snaps I’d yet to respond to; on the left: looming loops of completed days that I, now, too, had to complete.

Compulsion was the only force that drove me forward — I hated having Snaps unopened or unread. Even worse was watching yet another anime filter calibrate itself properly (finally, Jesus) on the center a Snap-friend’s head.

Then one day I killed the app. I pressed my thumb mercilessly into the yellow icon until it jingled, hit X in its top left corner and responded to the ominous question, “Are you sure you want to do this?” with a succinct and cold-blooded, “Yes.”

For a day I lived in peace. But then Snapchat came back to haunt me.

Phantom notifications would pop up on my screen, little ghosts letting me know that someone had sent me something, reminding me that I couldn’t see it unless I re-sold my soul. Friends would reference events that I hadn’t participated in as a third party. Best friends sent me unprompted texts about an ex who I could no longer keep tabs on. At social gatherings, I had to explain why I wasn’t Snapping as if I wasn’t drinking. (“Is she pregnant?”) 

I felt out of the loop.

But not left out.

Without a doubt, my productivity increased. My curmudgeonly mood was more consistently good. Gone was the feeling of obligation, of hating those I hate-followed, of begrudging those I return-the-favor-followed and missing anyone you’re not supposed to miss.

I did miss: my closest friends who live far away whose lives felt tangible because of the app; the daily lens of my nearby friends because it’s a comfort to know what they’re up to; and every once in a while, the odd, “Hello!” plus my even rarer response back.

So less than one month later, I downloaded it again.

Alarming although not so surprising psychological studies have been done that show that couples without children rank happier than couples with children. Less money woes, no late nights spent wide awake over whether or not their offspring are okay. Endless travel. Uninterrupted sex.

And yet, if you bring this up to any parents you know, they will say that, yes, kids are stressful, but they can’t imagine a world without their children in it.

If that isn’t a metaphor for our experience with modern technology, then I don’t know what is.

Collaged GIF by Krista Anna Lewis.

hyperlink-gif-snapchat

Get more Humor ?
  • I need to get rid of mine. No one annoys me on snapchat more than I annoy me on snapchat. Can you block yourself? I think that’s my only solution. Killer gif, Krista. (pun intended!!!!!!!)

    • Amelia Diamond

      Dr Dr

      • Janel Hairston

        I am getting a salary of 4500 dollars each week. Over a year ago I was in a horrible condition , jobless and no bank credit . Thanks to one of my friends who showed me a way where I was able to gather myself and making average of 54 d/h. So it can change your life as it has changed mine.

        To Know More About That Click Here
        jm…

  • Katlin Stewart

    Perfectly said. I’m gonna snap my reaction.

  • Julia

    Now I have to check my snaps

  • l:ly

    the only time snapchat has ever been truly useful is when i have a crush and i want to HARDCORE creep on them. like there is no other space to see a post-shower selfie or what they are eating for breakfast or what they look like hugging their mom! they haven’t instagrammed in 2 weeks!!!!!!! (maybe i need to detox from this…and him)

    • This is why I wish my crush had snapchat! He too goes long stretches without gramming, and now that he’s taken up photography as a hobby, he barely shows up on his own account anymore. I need to creep.

  • Alexia Marcelle

    I deleted mine a few weeks ago and I have not looked back! Sure I don’t talk to that guy who would ONLY communicate with me via snapchat – but maybe that’s for the best?

    • Amelia Diamond

      FOR THE BEST

  • Caroline Howden

    To be honest. I downloaded it for the first time a couple of weeks ago and I still have no idea what it’s about :-/

    • chouette

      Me either. I tried to get a teenager to teach me about it and they laughed at me, so I deleted it.

      • Caroline Howden

        Oh no! 🙁 I was looking at it again last night and all I can see is my camera coming on and im sat there in my dressing gown watching TV – my brains going *Oh god! Can everyone now see me in my dressing gown?!* that’s how clueless I am…

  • Sarah

    This last summer I deleted my entire snapchat account. I decided that I should because I was basing my actions off of the application. *That would be funny for snapchat* or “hold on let me put this on snapchat”. I decided to go one step further than killing the app and decided to delete my account. Sometimes I wish I still had it, but overall I think I am better off without it. I found that people would initiate conversation with me because snapchat was low-key and convenient, and now I barely talk to some of those people. Whenever I feel myself with a case of FOMO I watch stories on my friends’ snapchat. Of course I didn’t delete this piece of my life without screenshotting the “delete account” page, and posting it on my Instagram… so my friends would know I didn’t block them or whatever. I got many comments on IG photo saying that my account would be missed. I mean, I got my ego fluffed and I got a piece of my life back. Neat.

  • samhallie

    Lilah and Poppy are basically why I have Snapchat at this point. And you 🙂

  • Elizabeth Tamkin

    It’s also a disgusting way to stalk. Just as Elizabeth Tamkin. That’s me.

  • Living Paula Blog

    These are some valid points.

    http://www.livingpaula.com

  • Always good to get a distance from it and reevaluate. About a month ago I deleted FB and Instagram from my phone, and the first weeks it felt hollow when I picked it up to.. Do nothing. But I’ve never been more productive, focused and happy, and once in a while when I “cheat” via the browser, it is only to realize that I don’t miss out on anything, while “away”.

    Instead of looming of into social media dream land in every (WC) break I get, I now get shit done and think about what to spend my IRL on. And I live in the moment instead of thinking about when I can Instagram this moment. Snapchat I still love and cherish though ??

  • Snapchating is fun. It’s annoying but I like being annoying sometimes lol. How else will my suburban college friends see the drag show I went to last weekend 😉

    http://www.p2918.com

  • did you just draw a parallel between our relationship with modern technology and parenting?! this is an all time high-point in your metaphor game. I’m in awe of you.
    Again.
    Still.

  • That’s so true, I should do a 3 day Snapchat detox 😛 Not sure I’d last tho lol

    Kisses,

    BLOG | Taislany

    • Alice Vasquez

      I am getting a salary of 4600 dollars each week. Over a year ago I was in a horrible condition , jobless and no bank credit . Thanks to one of my friends who showed me a way where I was able to gather myself and making average of 58 d/h. So it can change your life as it has changed mine.

      To Know More About That Click Here
      zq…

  • Liz

    I didn’t join Snapchat (or Pinterest) for this same reason. I don’t need yet another Internet rabbit hole to venture down while I need to be trying to get to sleep. Instagram is bad enough.

  • We have turned into the eternal teenagers, those that can’t stand to live if they aren’t aware of every plan/gossip.

    Some interesting fashion news at http://www.mgluxurynews.com

    Enjoy your Friday!!!!!

  • Heather L

    I debated adding Snapchat to my life a few weeks ago for the State of The Union because my Senator was going to be snapchatting during it. However I decided against it. I sometimes get a sense of FOMO by not having all the cool kid apps, but my life is pretty fulfilling anyway.
    When I first saw the list article I thought that Amelia had deleted the Man Repeller Snapchat acct and figured there was some backstory to it!

    • Amelia Diamond

      EVIL LAUGHTER to thought of me deleting mr snapchat

  • Katie

    I got rid of mine over a year ago and never looked back…okay i looked back…twice. But not since then. And now I don’t miss it at all. I’ve come to be the star of many-a-snapchat because I’m the only one not holding a phone.

  • Chioma

    I enjoyed this so much. It was completely factual though.

  • Honestly, I am finally getting the hang of instagram. I cannot do Snapchat.

  • Ember Sommer

    Snapchat wont freaking make an app for Windows Phones even though Windows phones are ranked #3 most used phone

  • So I started this out heart broken because I had no idea you were even on snapchat and here you are saying you’ve deleted it (why dear Lord) but as a lesson in always getting the whole story before commenting, hallelujah she’s back!

    Also, snapchat definitely makes me feel more involved in the daily goings-on of friends and family who are far away. I have the odd hate-follow on my list of stories to watch, but most of it is a mix of friends and family (mom, please stop watching my snaps), humour (khaled), and inspirational fashion ppl (Elaine Welteroth, Hanna Bronfman, MR, and Her Royal Snapness Kristie Dash). I don’t feel compelled to snap 24/7, but when I have something fun I snap with fervor. Homebodies like myself often feel the need to prove that we actually have lives.