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The Thought Process of Writing an Instagram Caption

Forget writer’s block — this is worse.

11.19.15

Alright, this is a decent picture. I look like I have acupuncture needles in my back and I’m trying to balance on one foot as a result but you know, whatever, that’s me. So let me try that out as the caption: “Welcome to balancing acupuncture on one foo…” No, that doesn’t sound right. Trying too hard.

“Why does love always feel like a battlefield?” Jordin Sparks, for the thousandth time: Not now.

How am I going to communicate that there is more to me than just an outfit? Is there more to me than just an outfit? Of course there is: there’s the desire to quell my narcissism with a charmingly witty caption about why I’m posting this, which is, of course, much deeper than just the picture of the outfit itself. Oh! There it is.

“Is this witty? Am I charming?” You sound like an idiot.

“Graffiti mania!” What the fuck? When have you ever used the word “mania”?

I just need to focus. Review the facts. Let reality inspire me. Write what you know. Here’s what I know: I really like the outfit. I am impressed I put it together in 8 minutes flat this morning at 6:35 and stuffed it into a tote on my way to a workout class. If someone else posted this outfit, I’d feel pretty happy that they did it, primarily because they unwittingly moonlit as a stylist for me, building a good idea I could apply to my own wardrobe. So can’t this just be considered a service?

“PSA: It’s 50 degrees. The perfect temperature for winter white.” Yikes.

“Nantucket or fuck it.” Who am I, Amelia?

I should really stop being so shitty to her on Man Repeller, huh?

Nah!

Got my period so figured all white was the way to go.”

This one works. Only it would be LYING.

Moving on!

Credits? “Welcome to my Tibi sweater, Rochas blouse, Sonia Rykiel jeans, shoes by Céline.

Who are you? Migos?

“I got these Céline boots for $250 in Orange County!” You may as well know what separates you from an ad.

And right now, nothing. Except that you’re not getting paid.

What’s my motivation here?

“Say it loud, wear it proud, baby.” Why am I talking in cheap dictums? I sound like a newsletter for “millennial ladies” who “have no shame in their game” and who “lean in” to buzzwords with the conviction of an American president in an oil painting.

Is that a caption? Too long to type. I give up.

Oh! Actually! I know. This is the one. Yes, it will dazzle everyone with my very clear respect for the English language and perfect prose and deeply profound knowledge of the history of articulation. Yes, I’ve got it.

No one needs to know this took me half an hour.

No one needs to know this took any thought at all.

It’s between you and me, brain.

“Sup.”

Screen Shot 2015-11-17 at 5.13.00 PM

I should have just gone with “Got Acupuncture?”

Feature collage by Krista Anna Lewis

hyperlink-gif-thought-process-of-insta-captions

Get more Humor ?
  • Jock

    Funny, because it’s so true. UGH!

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  • “Got my period so figured all white was the way to go.” I laughed out loud at this, thank you MR! And I’ve become familiar with Migos, I always know I’ll benefit from visiting this site. 😀

  • Quinn Halman

    Oh, 90% of the thrill to my Instagram account are my captions

  • Totally true!!

  • “Now I … had the time of my life …” comes to mind 🙂

  • Laughed because it’s so true. “Got my period so figured all white was the way to go” was my favourite!

  • Looks like you’re (about to) get(ting) spray tanned. Cute outfit though.

  • Emily Valentine Parr

    the struggle is real…what about posting a caption then not getting teh feedback youi anticipated so you go in and change it…social suicide

  • I cop out all the time and dismiss every caption I think up as lame and just use an emoji. :/

  • Lua Jane

    I am the most lame kind that actually forgoes the caption and just hastags like a possesssed 12 year old. If there’s an animal on the photo I might caption it properly and even witty, because, honestly one can’t go wrong with animals. And if I am to post a selfie, which I ofen do, and which is a terrible narcissism, then by calling it like it is, narcissism. What is scary however, is the fact that this blatant vanity of ours has now become so normal.

    • BK

      “Hashtags like a possessed 12 year old” is giving me waking nightmares

  • I always just type three emojis that describe the picture or mood. Works every time

  • Michèle
  • So true! Captions and subject lines are the worst.

    • ugh! subject lines! I love it when a simple “hi” suffices

      • Leandra Medine

        Same OR, “Just checked in on car insurance offer”

  • Carlotta

    Lols! You should totally film your version of Migos’ Versace video ..

    HannahMontanaHannaMontanaHannahMontanaHannaMontana!!!

    • Leandra Medine

      HAHA

  • brittany

    I’m in oc and all i want to know is where the hell is that outlet?

  • Mia

    I laughed so many times reading this. I think everyone goes through their own frenzied Instagram post caption dilemma. If the time from when you are at the screen to post to the actual time you posted ever became public knowledge… lets just hope that doesn’t happen haha

    http://www.justanotherasiangirl.com

  • perfect

  • hahahahhahaHA! YUP! the insta black hole of clever creativity… spend quite a bit of time doing the SAME. DAMN. THING.

  • Ana P

    I’m so late but I’m laughing SO HARD

  • Ali Peat

    So true! And hilarious!

    alipeat.com

  • Captiona

    Love this! We’re all about the caption. In fact, we’ve made an app so that you’ll never be stuck for a caption again. Facebook.com/captionaapp

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