On
from
pinterest
The Sex and the City Diet, Round 1: Miranda Hobbes

The curmudgeon’s dream

10.09.15
MR Diets
MR Diets
sex-and-the-city-diet-amelia-diamond-man-repeller-miranda-hobbes

Leandra had the brilliant idea to turn October into Sex and the City month for no real reason other than what the hell else is there to do once fashion month is done?

Nothing, and what an awkward opening statement that was. You know who would not have liked it? Miranda Hobbes. She is a grammatical force to be reckoned with; a lawyer with no time for poetic license. Prose for the sake of humor, I am afraid, does not hold up in the court of law.

And neither do I! The only time I have ever attempted to fulfill my civic duties, I cried before the jury committee and got promptly kicked off for acting unstable. Perhaps you can already foreshadow that my week spent as one Miranda Hobbes was a challenge (addendum: the other three women will be attempted by both Leandra and myself in the weeks that follow) but Miranda Hobbes and her ovaries are not quitters. Therefore, I’m not either.

More than anything, I want to make little Brady proud.

I began my week in a pantsuit. It felt appropriate to pair with the blunt statements and quick judgements that I was quick to work into my vocabulary. There is no picture of me in said suit because Miranda would never cave to suck vain and frivolous whims. No Snapchat for Miranda! No Instagram. There was no sympathy to those who texted, “I think he likes me, but,” either. “He does not,” I typed back. Then, even though I did so via text, I slammed my home phone back into the receiver — just like Hobbes — for good measure.

Total friends lost after two days of the above actions: 50, which is excellent. According to the book of Miranda, I only need 3.

Wednesday, I decided, was going to be my Casual Errands Miranda day. I had a choice between two iconic Miranda looks, both of which make one wonder if Patricia Field had a vendetta against Cynthia Nixon. I present to the court Exhibit A:

enhanced-buzz-17970-1376501815-33

And exhibit B:

53a06e6b0fa8c_-_tumblr_m4vyv38mww1rvv923o1_500

I went with Exhibit B for a few reasons: 1) Though this episode pre-dates it, this look is very Jil Sander Fall 2011. 2) You just don’t get enough excuses to look like Dana Carvey impersonating a turtle in the real world — gotta take every shot you can get. And 3) Even though I hate bucket hats, I love an indoor mug outside. It feels rebellious. Hence Hobbes’ smirk.

On Thursday I left work early to adopt a cat. Miranda’s cat is named Fatty, so I named my cat Beautiful — partially because my apartment is a body-positive one, but also because a cat named “Beautiful” is less likely to eat my face out of malice should I die suddenly.

If you aren’t recalling the episodes I’m referencing you must have literally zero idea as to what I’ve been going on about thus far.

0523f564f75dc50fd52c8046df416bef

On Friday, after a day spent kicking ass at my law office and subsequently getting kicked out because I do not work at a law office, I put on my fanciest dress and earrings and heels and strutted down a street in Manhattan to the soundtrack that’s never not playing in my mind.

So-youre-Miranda-hold-your-head-high-proud-your-inner-Hobbes-You-got

Obviously I was going to meet the only three best friends I had left for a drink. Cosmos — what else? Just kidding. Miranda Hobbes 100% drinks scotch.

hyperlink-gif-favorite-meal

Get more Humor ?
  • MarissaARoss

    I love this so much

    • I have an Easy Way For People Likes You Read Carefully I am very Glad That Finally I have Found This way of making some extra Cash in my part time.You also can make like me Here ..fgf...

      +++++++++++++>>> Her you Will find More Knowledge

    • After I quit my previous job 13 months ago, I was blessed to get introduced to following job opportunity online which saved me … They offer online home base work . Last paycheck after being on this job for them for four months was 12,000 dollars …. Cool fact about that job is that the requirement for being able to start is basic typing and connection to the internet …..

      For the site address open my P R 0 F Î L È

      81

    • sarah jackson

      One year ago,after leaving my job , I was lucky enough to learn about following superb website which saved me… Offering well paid online work from home. My last payment after working with them for 4 months was $10k… Cool thing about it was that the only thing required is simple typing and internet access…

      insiderhome.careersbuilder.biz

      44

    • Everyone can understand that making good money is extremely important, so I want to guide you so that you can make your life easier and achive financial freedom.It’s about a project that is paying me $10 k or more every month by doing simple tasks that anyone with basic computer skills can do and you need only good internet connection.This is the best project I have ever worked in my life you will like it.

      ~~look`my` ~~http site~~~listed~~~on~~~my~~~~`PrIvate`~~~~~`page` ~~~~~~~!~tgrsertravcx

    • My Uncle Noah just got an almost new cream Volkswagen Golf R by working parttime off of a pc online.visit their website on my` prof1Ie`

      ^66665

  • Marg

    I truly thought I was the only one whose style is heavily influenced by the Master of Disguise and also Magda’s gently critical smile.

    • Amelia Diamond

      MAGDA

      • Marg

        right?

        • Amelia Diamond

          ALL OF NOVEMBER: THE MAGDA DIET.

          • Marg

            0:33 when she says “tea is better for you” with the smirkiest magda face https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7Tjy0pSS7k

            Probably this is getting old for you, and my boss who’s witnessing this romp through SATCland

          • streats

            Tea and pie diet. Because woman make pie

  • Brit

    Dear anyone who thought Miranda was their least fav,

    Please re-watch the series and study M’s witty comments and genius one-liners. She is everything! Although, I always wondered… when Steve and Miranda get married, does Brady become Brady Brady?? Surely not, right?!

    Love,
    B

    • Lena

      she was always my favorite. obviously carrie was my favorite-favorite (thats how the writers made her, always in the middle of the scale, relateable for everyone and thus, EVERYONE’S favorite character), but always so annoyingly in the middle (abortion: charlotte no, samantha three, carrie, relatable in the middle, one. same with threesomes and literally everything else), and even though they are all total caricatures, i like miranda the most because she’s practical and witty, and cool. i love that show : ) looking forward to more satc diets to come! i have a feling you will be samantha Amelia..! both so fierce (sorry for that word 😉 )

      • Brit

        The more I watch and grow older, the more annoyed with Carrie I get!

        • Katia

          I agree with you. She is wines a lot!

        • Megan Y

          Saaaame!

      • Bella Charlwood

        Completely agree! Carrie is annoyingly without strong opinion on anything, which results in her being an all round shitty person and whiny af

    • ValiantlyVarnished

      Yess!! She was my favorite hands down!

    • Amelia Diamond

      Brady Hobbes, for sure

    • Anybody who didn’t like Miranda just doesn’t understand strong, independent women. I always strongly identified with the character. One of my college friends was watching and texting me, “Ugh Miranda is being a bitch, Steve only wants to move in with her!”

      To which my head exploded.

      • Brit

        Precisely! Miranda is our spirit animal! <3

    • MerBearStare

      I remember taking a quiz in college like “Which Sex and the City Character Are You?” and I got Miranda and was like, “Miranda? Gross!” Then I took a similar quiz a few years ago and I got Miranda and was like, “Miranda? Awesome!”

      • Brit

        Bahaha!! Love this so much

    • ThisPersonSleeps

      Nope, because I’m sure the kid had her last name.

  • Morgan

    This is amazing

  • ValiantlyVarnished

    I love Miranda! She was my favorite. I am definitely the Miranda of my group of friends. Minus the turtle hat.

  • Steeney1000

    This is the best! I laughed so hard. You just HAVE to include pics of your Casual Errands attire.

    • Amelia Diamond

      My inner Miranda won’t let me !!! No vanity!

  • Hallie

    You got a cat??

    • Leandra Medine

      no she is a pathological liar
      unlike some mirandas i know

  • Ari

    If you are really doing the Miranda diet- did you at least make the devils food cake, eat so much that you throw it in the garbage and then take it back out??? That is one of my favorite Miranda episodes

    • Amelia Diamond

      I sure did! I edited it out for my dignity, but there you go. outed.

    • Dana East

      Yes! And then the dish soap to keep it in the garbage where it belongs!

    • streats

      And brocolli with brown rice, I know, same thing every night! Hahaha ha aha ha hahahah ah hahahaha

  • Allie Fasanella

    http://i.giphy.com/o2cXdO8hjyDqo.gif
    posting this bc 1) I’m inappropriate 2) THAT TIE and 3) THAT HAIRRR

  • Lua Jane

    Everyone needs a Miranda friend. A no nonsense, dry truth delivering one. As someone prone to buy few too many pairs of not exactly needed, and only temporarily wanted shoes, and enter none too promissing romantic liaisons at the ripe age of 32 a’la Carrie, I can atest to that. I wish I was Miranda more often.

  • Shawnee

    I knew there was a reason I’ve been binge-watching SATC from the very beginning since September. After staying up way too late catching reruns all of college, it was time I knew the whole story. This is so amazing hahaha I’m so excited for SATC month. Funny how…ridiculous(ly amazing)…Miranda’s exhibit B outfit looks out of context/off the show.

  • Lindsay Chatham

    “More than anything, i want to make little Brady proud”

    Amelia 4 Prez

  • streats

    This is fucking incredible. Where do I subscribe? When is the next installment? I NEED TO KNOW

  • I ask myself at least three times per year, when will I ever tire of SATC? Nevah!

  • This is perfect and hilarious and I’m so glad it’s Sex and the City month.

  • kc

    why isn’t miranda in the photo!

  • Carmelo Johnson

    I love all, besides red-hot