At Planet Repeller, we value freedom of speech more than we do spontaneous cupcake deliveries. That freedom is precisely what keeps the wheels of this website in motion. We extol the virtues of shouting shit from mountain tops with giant banners. Say what you will, my friends! It’s your life, your voice, and we’re just here to clap you on.
But — and you know (especially in the era of Kardashian fame) — that there is always a “but,” there are words that we at MR either say too much, can’t stand hearing or can’t stand hearing ourselves say. Some of them are offensive. Some are more innocent than kittens on a fire escape. Some sound more futile and possibly counterproductive than toothpaste made from Laffy Taffy, but what’s important to remember is that what we’ve identified here are the idiosyncrasies that define why they’re also annoying. As such, we’re putting a mandate in place — a diet if you will — that shall cleanse the palette of unnecessary words.
If you don’t want to cut them, you don’t have to, but do feel free to throw coins at our elbows if you hear us say them. Without further ado, we bring you the updated version of the 2014 Words List — the goal being to make communication easier, possibly even more intellectual, and at the very least, a little less cringe-worthy.
Beach Body, eliminated entirely
Cause of termination: Negative physical connotations aside (too obvious to reiterate), “beach body” also makes no sense. Are you made of sand? Is your hair the ocean? Is there a shovel stuck in your head? Probably, no.
Cause of suspension: Exorbitant overuse on social media thus resulting in social media consumer fatigue. Expect more from your audience and its ability to reason deductively — your knees in front of a pool on a Monday speak for themselves, you know?
The Struggle is Real, suspended
Cause of suspension: We’ve already voted this saying off the planet and yet, here it is again. “The struggle” is 9 times out of 10 a hangover humblebrag. (“Sunglasses on at brunch because last night was so wild! #thestruggleisreal “) The struggle is fake. You’re fine. Here’s a Gatorade.
Real Woman, eliminated entirely
Cause of termination: Every woman is a real woman unless she is made of paper or a hologram like Tupac at Coachella that one time.
To bring back instead:
BBHMM (Bitch Better Have My Money), eliminated entirely
Cause of termination: Because it technically has the b-word in it and we previously put an MR-mandated ban on that. Also because it’s weird that Rihanna doesn’t just send a Venmo request.
THOT (That Hoe Over There), eliminated entirely
Cause of termination: It has the word “hoe” in it and when “hoe” is not chased by a “down” plus a pair of cowboy boots, we feel lactose intolerant only the intolerance has nothing to do with dairy and everything to do with the way in which we are addressed as females. Also, though, it’s annoying when people say, “That THOT,” which is a verbal typo. It translates to, “That that hoe over there.” <-Spell check, please catch.
Never Not, to be replaced, not necessarily banned
Reason for replacement: Because we’re never not doing it. Going forward we’ll just be direct instead. Maybe. I hope. Or we’ll take a coin to the elbow.
All the Feels, eliminated entirely
Cause of termination: It has become cliché. Be better than the cliché! Try saying, “Not to be dramatic, but I have so many emotions pouring out me right now that I could teach 10 back-to-back Soul Cycle classes in a row and never once fall short of motivating the people to persevere through the fifth round of the arm series using their triceps to open up their hearts.”
Rosé, to be replaced, not necessarily banned
Influencer/Tastemaker, indefinite ban
Reason for full life ban: Because both words sound like bad nightclubs and could potentially attract a similarly confounding crowd.
Fleek, on probation
Reason for probation: Because the sartorial 70s made it back — in fact, it’s been a year and they’re still going (Leandra is wearing a striped lamé tank sweater today for example). And so we wonder where the cultural lingo that comes with the fashion has been? If we’re going to embrace umbrella words — accurate communication be damned! — we should match them to our striped lamé sweaters, shouldn’t we?
Solution: the word “Groovy,” which has heretofore been on amber alert.
Probational loophole for Fleek: if you can rhyme it, then it’s yours to keepk.
Got it? Groovy! Now add your own.
Photographed by Krista Anna Lewis