Instagram Death Match: Rosé vs. Avocado Toast

Amelia Diamond | June 24, 2015

LIVE! AT THE MAN REPELLER ARENA! WHO WILL BE THE CHAMPION OF SUMMER SOCIAL MEDIA?

avocado-toast-v-rose-joseph-amar-man-repeller-logo

In the left corner we have Avocado Toast, standing 5 inches tall, one inch thick, weighing in just under half a pound. AT sweats olive oil (with just a touch of lemon!) and eats chili flakes for breakfast. That’s her trainer, Uppity Waiter Who’s Actually a DJ/Model, pumping her up with remixed Blood Orange songs.

In the right corner we have Rosé, clocking in at 750ml (26 ounces of pure hangover). The pink wine is known for tricking opponents with her slow start and sweet demeanor, but she’s got a height advantage on Soho’s favorite carb and can make a 300 pound cage fighter blackout after a full bottle.

Round 1: Seniority & Insta Visibility

Seniority:

According to Wikipedia, rosé has been around since Ancient Greeks were getting drinks after work with cherubs and water was being turned into wine.

Avocados, on the other hand — despite the fruit’s equally ancient origins — weren’t introduced to California (and therefore America) until the 19th century when Mexico was like, “WTF is wrong with you guys? Who doesn’t like avocado?”

Visibility:

The experts at Yes Way Rosé confirmed that rosé officially became a “thing” on Instagram as early as summer 2014. It caused such a movement that there was a rosé draught in the Hamptons.

Avocado Toast has had an Instagram presence longer than The Fat Jewish. It’s rumored that Instagram founder Kevin Systrom created the app after visiting Manhattan’s Cafe Gitane (arguably the OG of AT) and saw people photographing their strange yet delicious green-smeared toast.

Winner, Round 1: Avocado Toast

Round 2: Lifestyle

Remember when being healthy suddenly became cool? Avocado Toast speaks to that Soul Cycling, barre-squatting, health-wave crowd who judge mate-compatibility by what he or she wears to the gym instead of astrological signs.

Here’s the thing: it’s a little “two years ago.”

Rosé, on the other hand, is a socially acceptable way to drink before noon. It feels European as opposed to alcoholic; indulgent but not gluttonous. If you’re drinking rosé, you are either: on vacation, mid-weekend, or playing hooky. It appeals to the hedonistic trend that’s emerging in retaliation to the aforementioned mindset of healthfully holier than though.

Winner, Round 2: Rosé

Round 3: Taste

Not that it’s even about that, but tie.

Round 4: Douchebaggery, Scale of 1 to 10

An AT Instagram is only as good as its restaurant tag. In the year 2015, you not only are what you eat, you are where you eat. The exception is a Pinterest-worthy DIY — a humblebrag in its most earnest form. Douchebag level: 7

Rosé-grams, on the other hand, depend less upon brand names (you’ll note that very often it’s just a filled-up glass and no labels) and more upon the locational geotag. Because said tags vary from the humorous (#bathwater) to the obnoxious (#hampton$), rosé’s douchebag level exists on a sliding scale.

“Winner,” Round 4: Tie.

Round 5: Celebrity Comparison

If Avocado Toast is the Oprah of Instagram

Rosé is Calvin Harris.

Winner, Round 5: Shit. Another tie.

Round 6: Seasonal Consideration

Avocado toast is year-round, making it an Instagram staple.

Rosé is the new white jean: more declarative of summer than Memorial Day, if only because it appeases our mindset when the weather is not yet fully ready to cooperate. Likewise, its ephemeral nature makes rosé feel special and encourages joie de vivre for the sake of a time limit.

(Though note that rosé sommeliers insist it’s fine all the time.)

Winner: Rosé

FINAL DEATH MATCH: THE FILTER CHALLENGE.

You know how some people can’t take a bad picture? A true Instagram Champion shouldn’t be able to take a bad filter.

avocado-rose-instagram-filter-battle-man-repeller

AND THE WINNER IS: …You decide.

Vote in the comments below and we’ll announce the winner.

Illustration by Joseph Amar. Follow him on Instagram, @josephamar, and check out his website here.

Did you know that you can fix split ends with avocado? We haven’t yet found any Rosé beauty tips, but try out these steps for getting fuss-free beach waves. Or you could just stick it in a hat and call it a day. 

  • Allie Fasanella

    i love that you guys cover the hard hitting stuff. you never shy away from the shit that really matters. and what really matters is ROSÉ. NO QUESTION

    https://38.media.tumblr.com/9d374113ad615708b732e451a68ec591/tumblr_nfjxpcztTV1tu60ero1_500.gif

    – same, girl.

  • AlexaJuno

    Am I the only champion left for a cold, crisp Sauvignon Blanc?

    • Leandra Medine

      No! I’m so there with you. Cloudy Bay, man.

      • AlexaJuno

        Amen, sister.

      • Lisa Marie Zapata

        Yes!

      • Hannah Finnigan-Walsh

        YES. #NZ

    • https://soundcloud.com/erin-elisabeth-smith erin elisabeth

      Or Pinot Grigio! Not too dry and not too sweet. It’s the perfect wine.

      • Casey Sharbaugh

        V important. V important.

  • Swag

    Avo toast

  • http://www.stonefoxstyle.com Bryn Newman

    Hahah this is incredible. Lucky for all of us Avo toast lovers (I’m allergic to Avocado but I’ll dabble on occasion) I discovered a company making facetious tote bags to suit all of our boug-tastic needs. Trust me, living in SF for two years now, I have a lot. So when calorie intake worries are on high alert, you can still feel the energy of AT or Rosé by wearing it on your sleeve…or tote I guess. Check it out: http://www.bougiebags.com They seriously have a AT tote and Rosé tote. It’s pretty much the funniest gift you could ever give someone, or yourself. Because sometimes you have to keep yourself in check by making fun of yourself via a sardonic tote bag…

  • https://soundcloud.com/erin-elisabeth-smith erin elisabeth

    I always associate rose with my grandmother, who was a community theatre enthusiast/opera singer and generally a sassy and fabulously dressed Southern gentlewoman til her last day. Even when age and dementia took hold, she still would daily put on all her jewels, convinced she was the queen of Atlanta on her way to either a parade or a ballet rehearsal, depending on the day. Rose was alwaysss her drink of choice (well, besides scotch) and it will forever remind me of her. So basically rose wins.

    • Amelia Diamond

      um. SHE SOUNDS AMAZING.

    • pASHionateLEY

      I want to be like your grandma when I grow up!

  • Teresa

    AT for the win for me. I’ve been eating that good shit well before I was legal drinking age, and well before the internet was a concept that Katie Couric couldn’t fathom. I do not feel “old” by the way of this comment, just well seasoned–just like my AT.

    • Amelia Diamond

      ” Oprah vs. Calvin Harris–really Amelia?!” hahahahhah

  • dk

    this is like picking a favorite child. I can’T

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahahhaha

  • Nadine

    I like to pretend avacado toast is pizza…but it’s not 🙁 rosé ✔️

    • Amelia Diamond

      how’d you do that check!

      • Ebbe

        Emoji!

  • http://www.thekentuckygent.com The Kentucky Gent

    No question: Avo Toast totally wins. I mean, if for no other reason than that it photographers so much better than pink drink. See proof here: https://instagram.com/p/zS5bchNKt3/?taken-by=thekentuckygent.

    Josh | The Kentucky Gent
    http://thekentuckygent.com

    • Amelia Diamond

      the egg on avocado toast ups the ante

  • Kelly O

    My heart says rosé, but AT deserves a point if only because Food52 is doing an AT insta tribute this week.

    https://instagram.com/p/4UZ5rHN-XF/?taken-by=food52

    • Amelia Diamond

      these. are making me. so hungry.

  • Carly

    avocado toast for so many obvious reasons

  • mohan

    ✈∎MARTINEZ, -> NICEST WORK!! <-

    —————————

  • Stephanie

    Always on the side of liquor. Rose- dangit, can’t figure out how to type the accent!

    • Amelia Diamond

      hold down the E and a bunch of hats appear! èéêëēėę

      • BK

        Course Code MR0001: Intro to Linguistics (Assoc. Prof Amelia Diamond)

      • Stephanie

        Of course! Sadly I was a Spanish minor in college and used to type accented e’s all the time, but that was on a mac…

  • http://www.millennielle.com/ millennielle

    my body’s saying rosé (cause, ya know, carbs)…
    but my heart is saying avo toast (cause, ya know, carbs)

    🙂

  • Will deFries

    No one looks cool eating avocado toast on the dancefloor.

    Vote: Rosé

    • Amelia Diamond

      BOOM

  • copper_sam

    I like me manrepeller ………… ———Keep Reading

  • http://www.theoliveeye.com Mia Lardiere

    If Rosé is Calvin Harris, are we all Taylor Swift?

    Avocado, because Rosé is too *transparent* to ultimately “win” at social media.

    (Thank you! I’ll be here all night!)

    • Amelia Diamond

      “If Rosé is Calvin Harris, are we all Taylor Swift?”
      excuse me while my head explodes

      • http://www.theoliveeye.com Mia Lardiere

        But don’t mess up your beach waves!

  • http://ofthemasses.com/ Of the Masses

    you know it’s good when you can put it on a variety of vehicles – bread, crackers, chips, hair, etc. avocado toast, no question.

  • http://jessicajacolbe.com/ Jessica Joyce

    Avocado toast, fa dayz. It reminds me too much of summer, & my mom mixing avocado with brown sugar & milk. YUM. I know I’m /slightly/ allergic to avocado, but it’s just so damn good that I know exactly when I should stop eating. A girl knows her limits…

  • http://jessicajacolbe.com/ Jessica Joyce

    Avocado toast, fa dayz. It reminds me too much of summer, & my mom mixing avocado with brown sugar & milk. YUM. I know I’m /slightly/ allergic to avocado, but it’s just so damn good that I know exactly when I should stop eating. A girl knows limits…
    http://38.media.tumblr.com/85def846b741465accb5a29e776a75c8/tumblr_nchh9uceI31tjydheo1_500.gif

    • Amelia Diamond

      Ok. A) what is going on with all of these AVOCADO ALLERGIES.

      and B) ENOUGH OF YOU KEEP TELLING ME TO TRY AVOCADO SWEET SO I NEED TO TRY THIS.

      • BK

        YES RAW CACAO AVOCADO MOUSSE GOOGLE IT

      • http://jessicajacolbe.com/ Jessica Joyce

        I’ve eaten it sweet for so long, I didn’t even KNOW avocado savory was a thing until I ate a California roll

      • Ruth

        1st: rosé has my vote, i like its effortless sexiness that avocado toast is lacking (it has other qualities, but my vote is rosé anyway)

        also: avocado sweet is so good! so so good

      • Meagan Cortinas

        Avocado frozen yogurt…just yaaassss

  • KT41

    Rose–much more photogenic. I love avocado toast–just simple sliced avocado on toast. Photos on Instagram of slippery looking avocado smeared into the toast and over-handled by someone in the kitchen look unappetizing…guess I’m alone on that.

  • Lísa Attensperger

    At the beginning of the article I was sure I was going to vote for avocado toast for all the apparent reasons and because it’s food, duh. But as I read on I found myself craving a tall glass of rosé instead, and I don’t even drink. Sooo I guess that means I choose rosé?

  • BK

    This is hard because I struggle to see the novelty factor of avocado, on or off toast and accordingly 0/10 Would Not Gram. However rosé is the wine that irritates me most; it’s such an alcoholic halfway house. It’s a vague nod at red wine for those who can’t handle being kicked in the face by a decent red, a sugary-sweet impression of white wine for those who can’t handle the cleanness of a good white, and a socially acceptable alternative to sparkling wine for people too cowardly to order sparkling wine at 10am (I do and have been called a brunch-attendee).
    So in a ‘lesser of two evils’ conclusion: I vote primarily for a wholesale rejection of rosé so by default I guess I vote avocado?

    • Amelia Diamond

      I just really like how thoroughly you thought about this, BK

      • BK

        Always ready to serve, aka I don’t know how to turn off the thoroughness. (Short story: One of my ‘friends’ is convinced there lives “a little man inside [my] head” – direct quote – who deals with all the normal day-to-day brain activity so I can think about other issues in more minute detail. Casting aside the veiled allusions of me having multiple personality disorder, I’m just alarmed and a little sad that she thinks a girl can only be capable of big thoughts if there’s a man behind it all, pulling the strings. I told her that once and now she mostly avoids me at parties. WIN)

        • KT41

          I need to come to rose’s defense here … as a rose lover. To say rose is sweet or sweeter than white wine is inaccurate … there are a whole range of roses out there, and in my opinion, the best ones are very dry and can have a number of different qualities like minerally, crisp, etc. Don’t kick it to the curb.

          • BK

            send me some of your dry rosé, it sounds like sauvignon blanc in a fancy hat. Or more fittingly, a fake tan.

  • Aubrey Green

    Tie.

  • Jayne Garofalo

    Is it faux pas to say rose with avo toast? I mean what could really be a better hooky brunch?

    • Ruth

      actually a fitting combo i think

    • Amelia Diamond

      agree w. Ruth down here, no such thing as a faux pas with that combo

      • Jayne Garofalo

        It may have to be my Sunday brunch this weekend…

  • Ruth

    also, i love this article, and i love the drawing, and i love the lively comments that made me check back on this article twice already. A-Milli <3

    • Amelia Diamond

      !!! <3 I keep coming back for the comments too, secret Rtuh!

  • Tabitha

    Rosé, absolutely.

  • Pam

    If the Rose is dry, I’m in. Too sweet and we are back in White Zin territory.
    But, is that a straw in the photo?? Seriously?

    • Amelia Diamond

      Keen eye, Pam. Allow me to explain: I HAD been drinking lemonade, killed the lemonade, and then poured my rosé over the lemonade ice and drank it with a straw.

  • Katherine Sargeant

    My most liked Instagram ever was taken two days ago–me clutching rosé laughing into the sunset

    • https://soundcloud.com/erin-elisabeth-smith erin elisabeth

      everything about this is gorgeous.

    • http://ashliwithaneye.com/ ashli

      has anyone ever been so happy?! what a great shot!

    • Amelia Diamond

      wow no kidding you are LIVING THE DREAM

  • Kathleen

    Avocado toast all the way.

  • abbey

    I don’t normally like to speak for people, but hypothetically I think if this article were written in 1993, R.Kelly would’ve strongly considered remixing “my mind is tellin’ me toaaaaaast, but my bodyyyyyy’s tellin’ me rosés (pronounced rose-sess, not that that makes sense but nothing else rhymes with yes).

    Keeping on theme, rosé would reply “hey I made it, I’m the world’s greatest” (for now…)

    • Amelia Diamond

      I read this from my phone so I couldn’t comment, but I had to come back on my computer just to tell you that you got this song stuck in my head (your version, not R Kelz’) and I can’t stop humming it!

      • abbey

        that just made my day/I’m sorry/you’re welcome 🙂

  • http://one-trickpony.tumblr.com/ Pamella

    I meaaaan

    • Amelia Diamond

      pa-reach

  • http://jordancathleen.blogspot.com/ Jordan Cathleen

    I love them both but I’m gonna have to go with rose for the win.

    ThePolishedNovice.com

  • http://ashliwithaneye.com/ ashli

    rose is summer. period!

  • Meagan Cortinas

    Tough decisions!!! I like to get white girl wasted on Rose and then order avo toast at brunch to combat my hangover. It’s too close of a call to make.

    For now I will take Emmy Rossums shirt

    • Amelia Diamond

      hahha

  • Thivia Mogan

    Avo toast are you kidding me

  • Lua Jane

    Rose, even though I my self am more of a white wine kinda girl. I am not a fan of avocado, though, in any shape or form so I may not be a good judge.

  • lindamruiz43

    85

  • Ana

    like me coming …. < Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far thss best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6879 this – 8 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $215 per hour. I work through this link………

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  • http://www.camillapeffer.com.au/ Camilla Peffer

    Avocado wins, due to his elusive and sneaky nature.
    Sneaky because: Have you ever been to the bottle-o and discovered there is no rosé? An unlikely nightmare. But avocados? There are whole Facebook groups dedicated to watching the unfair inflation of our fatty friend and his disappearance across the supermarket aisles.
    Sneaky because: Avocado is a fat. He is just moonlighting as a superfood and pre-spin class snack.

    The Rosé is fun-lovin’ and harmless. You know what she’s up to. But Avocado? Man, he’s the Littlefinger of the vegetable world.