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Animals Are the New Child Stars

Tough luck, Haley Joel Osment-wannabes

04.13.15

Lil Bub has 719k Instagram followers. That number is pronounced seven hundred and nineteen thousand, which somehow sounds more impressive than Kim Kardashian’s 29.9m. Maybe it’s because 719k is a stickier, less phonetically-pleasant number than twenty-nine-point-nine million (the harder to say, the higher the pay). Or maybe it’s because Lil Bub is a cat.

Cats (think Grumpy Cat, Choupette, that one with a mustache), pigs, rabbits and dogs (Marnie, Boo, Toast, etc.) have stormed the Internet, providing Instagram with a purpose beyond selfies while giving all future stage parents a reason to pause their human procreation and instead focus on babies with fur.

Raise your chalice, Old MacDonald: animals are the new child stars.

Gone are the days of precocious children with dimples. BuzzFeed lists asking, “Where are they now?” will be no more. Rehab centers will have to increase their marketing strategies and E! True Hollywood Stories could very well cease to exist.

Children will be allowed to resume normal lives — the transition may be hard for such celebrities as Suri Cruise or North West, but when they reach an age where they can understand the cautionary tale of Justin Bieber or post-Even Stevens Shia LaBeouf, they’ll thank their lucky stars; as in, they will kneel down at the paw prints of Taylor Swift’s cats on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame.

With great power comes great responsibility. This we already know. But we cannot ask, as we’ve long expected, for children to maintain sainthood when put under the microscope of our unrelenting media. Animals, however, rise to the occasion. As recently as this weekend, celebripups Toast, Tuna and Finn hosted a pup-up shop to raise awareness for the United States Humane Society. And Lentil, “the cleft palate puppy,” has two missions: “to raise awareness for those with craniofacial differences and to teach all of us to be kind.”

No offense to cinematic babies, but what have you ever done besides cry?

The idea that animals have eclipsed child stars was officially solidified last night during the 2015 MTV Movie Awards. Despite a roomful of big-personality celebrities including host Amy Schumer and the cast of Magic Mike XXL, two cats stole the show. Telling of MTV’s (lack of) influence on the current generation? Perhaps. Or, it’s proof that America has long been championing for the return of real heroes such as Lassie and Mister Ed.

Like the band Horsier sang: Neighmen.

Get more Humor ?
  • We cant forget about Maple the musical dog -https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXa4JKnJfxw

  • Allie Fasanella

    All i do ALL day is send people pics of various animals captioned, “me.” today this is me. follow @gobronson for gts peeps

    • Hereshoping Themayanswereright

      Awwwwwww… I want to cuddlewuddle this little baby lambie.xoxoxox so precious!!!

  • Kelsey Moody

    neighmen, lol

    i feel like youve been saving that one, love it

    • Quinn Halman

      No doubt in my mind she’s been saying it since Hozier made it big

      • Amelia Diamond

        HORSier.

  • Andrea Raymer

    Meredith Grey-Swift and Olivia Benson-Swift need instagrams. Tay, get on that.

  • Hi there! Last week I wrote about how pets are becoming digital influencers for Luxury Brands… Interested on the issue can have a look here!

    http://mgluxurynews.com/2015/04/06/the-power-of-cute-pets-as-brand-ambassadors-for-luxury-brands/

  • So true. My friend started an instagram for her chihuahau last weekend and her dog already has more instagram followers than her…

  • We should all be lusting over Choupette’s lifestyle.

    Lindsay | http://www.ReadTheThread.com

  • Just gonna put my favorite pic of Martha Stewart and her dog Genghis Khan brunching at the Plaza up here rl quick

  • I have been seriously considering starting an Instagram for my rescue kitteh Norman

    ♥ Paula Shoe Fiend.
    http://shoe-fiend.blogspot.co.nz/

  • Bengal cat

  • Kirby

    Love Tardar Sauce! Just created a fake children’s book about her for my publishing class–honestly think it would sell big.
    Basically, pets rule, kids drool.

  • Kenns

    Priscilla and Poppleton rule – I want twins so I can name them that!

  • Bex

    I love this! Loving, loyal animals finally getting some attention! Now, a shameless promotion for my cute puppy- follow @louistheboxergirl on instagram! She won’t disappoint!

  • Nadia Madzharova
  • Lilli Post

    For a v short time, I interned for a famous cat (aka that one with the moustache). My payment for hand modeling in a couple YouTube videos was (basically) a selfie which caused my indtagram to be flooded with “likes” from tweens for a couple weeks ¯_(ツ)_/¯ we grew apart <3