I Found the Perfect Jeans
Here’s how to wear them five ways
Fact: locating perfect denim is akin to achieving ideal companionship, but here’s a question worth canvassing: what happens after you’ve uncovered your happy ending? Do all the fireworks and salsa dancing emojis continue to populate the movie screen that is your life? Do Taylor Swift songs play every time you and your loved one (be s/he human or cotton) are reunited? Are there fights? Ruts that seem insurmountable?
I met my perfect jeans in the beginning of fall. They were folded among a selection of much darker, more rigid denim in a pile labeled size 29 but they looked small, you know, so I gave them a chance. They deserved a chance. And upon slipping them over my legs — right, then left — I learned that in spite of their tag, which suggested my waist size had inflated four sizes in the last 28 seconds, these jeans were IT. They stood tall — heroically hovering over my belly button, accentuating the female region that facilitates procreation famously with a zipper and two vaguely acidic pockets. The pant holes stopped short just an inch above my ankle and flared like a saucy new cohort, which it was.
And though it is still early, I’m thrilled to postulate a statement about the veracity of the aforementioned Happily Ever After. Because, you know, the fireworks, the salsa dancing (and Salmon Salsa), the Taylor Swift songs remain. There are no ruts, very few fights and much the same way a slice of whole wheat toast will never disappoint your gauge of expectations, neither will these pants. I think. Above you’ll find five ways I wear them to do what you want with. Below you’ll find descriptions and credits.
3. For When You’re Having Drinks on a Saturday Night Right After the Gym and Want Everyone to Know You Worked Out Like This: Maison Martin Margiela net sweater (one left! On Yoox!), Nike sports bra, Rochas boots (also from Yoox), Anya Hindmarch Coco Pops clutch
4. For When It’s Not Fashion Week but It’s Also Not Not Fashion Week: Wear a dress over your pants, duh! Max Mara sweater, Acne scarf, Proenza Schouler slip dress, Chanel shoes, Olympia Le-Tan box bag