We Tried The Margiela Diet

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by The Writers
August 20, 2014
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And boy is it nice to breathe again

Kanye West must be superhuman. Amelia and I covered our heads in scarves for about four hours today and let me tell you, it is difficult to see out of them. (I had to fix like 5647827 typs upon proofreading — I left some in for posterity, though.) It’s also hard to breathe out of them and eat out of them (if you soak water through the fabric surrounding the region of your lips, however, you can drink in very small incremements!), let alone perform a sold out concert in Brooklyn’s Barclays Center. Here are our recaps from a half day of trying the Margiela diet.

Leandra:

Let me start by weighing the pros and cons.
Con: Eating, or, I should say, the lack of the ability to do so.
Pro: None

Con: Breathing, or, I should say, the lack of ability to do so.
Pro: The air in New York is polluted-as-fuq anyway

Con: Appearing vaguely as though I am about to embark on a, how you say, flowery bank robbery
Pro: Exhibiting commitment to the Nice Bucket Challenge and proving humanity wrong about my intentions. (I didn’t even so much as rob Juice Press when I went in wearing my makeshift Margiela mask to get some chia pudding.)

Pro: I cannot pick my eyebrows
Con: None

Pro: I can finally be compared to Kanye West in a meaningful way
Con: Is that a good thing?

Let me end with this deduction: The models of Margiela’s runway shows are heroes. I, however, am human.

Amelia: Contacts, bless their scientific souls, are the main reason I am able to walk around during the day without getting hit by vehicles, but until I pop those clear little freakshows into my eyeballs I can barely see my feet. This is just what the Margiela Diet was like! You would think I’d be great at this by now. I am not.

For starters, Charlotte tied my scarf on too tight and I was unable to get it off. This caused me three separate rounds of anxiety: once when I wanted to breathe, once when I wanted to eat and once when I wanted to not be on the Margiela Diet anymore or ever again. Both Leandra and Charlotte stood and laughed while I struggled to get it off all three times.

Walking was hard but not impossible, although I imagine it was confusing to the sea of people who I was unknowingly wobbling towards. I only realized I was about to run into someone when I ran into someone. This gave me a strong appreciation for those Margiela models who not only had to sashay down a runway in heels without falling stage but who had to do it with their faces covered in FABRIC.

Fabric is not fun to breathe through, did I mention that? Kids, do not try this at home. Do not try this on your cats, either.

Results of typing with a covered face were drunk-looking. I edited myself sans-scarf.

The one perk I found was that when it came to the actual “Diet” part of it, I did, in fact, eat less! At first I didn’t eat at all. Then I realized that if I cheated a bit and rolled the scarf up just over my mouth, then I could stick a fork in it while still maintaining partial blindness. The inability to see remained so intact that Leandra, bless her asshole of a heart, had actually taken her scarf off and proceeded to watch my attempts at playing airplane-spoon with myself.

Moral of the story: we should not quit our day jobs, models are magicians, and Kanye West may in fact be a god.

Or he has X-Ray vision.

Runway Images via Style.com

REPLIES
  • Jenny Rose

    You silly, silly gooses. Geese? Gooses.

    • Amelia Diamond

      gahses

      • http://www.kuyeek.com/ Kuyeek

        definitely gahses

  • starryhye

    Those pictures of you guys are utterly hilarious! All in the name of fashion journalism. I love it

  • Jason

    I did it for Halloween because I thought it would be a good idea to go as Kanye. I, however, did not realize that going to a dark venue, with loud music, while wearing the mask, while being intoxicated would be the worst possible decision on so many levels. I looked good though.

    • Amelia Diamond

      is that you? ya look awesome

      • Jason

        yes! thank you!

    • https://www.etsy.com/shop/OTRVintageClothing Sam

      This is amazing.

  • Bernadette

    I just love your writing, all of you.

  • ee_by_cc

    You have embarked on very important field work here. Thank you for your commitment, because now I know. And knowing is half the battle.

    http://www.enduringethereal.com

    • Amelia Diamond

      thank you, it was hard work but someone has to do it

  • http://Medium.com/@hager_emma Emma Hager

    I would be running around like a headless chicken who still manages to get claustrophobia.

    This strange form of Margiela-Man Repeller Torture Method is not for the weak, so I appreciate you guys for the insane amount of journalistic courisity I see hear.

    (Journalistic curiosity doesn’t always equate to sane ideas, though, crazy ppl!)

  • Sara Hood
  • http://jiaachacruz.blogspot.com Jia Achacruz

    I should do the Margiela Diet and when people ask what’s going on, I’d say “am I man-repelling now??”

    ROUGH & TOUGH☯ | I`m on Bloglovin!

  • Ashley Laramie

    This killed me. Hilarious as always.

    x
    Ash
    http://www.vogueanatomy.blogspot.com

  • http://acordamesenaoteouvirchegar.blogspot.pt/ Vanessa Miguel

    ahahhaahhahaahhah! you’re awesome!!!!

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    LOL … :-) Best investigative journalism evah!

    Dressed to chill? Not.
    Pretty hurts? Maybe.

  • http://www.dominiquecandido.com Dominique
  • Anna Cave

    This is the kind of writing that seduces me into thinking I am just as hilarious. I love a well-pointed delusion.

  • The Fitting Shoe

    The return of the Invisible man…..in a stylish version

    • Leandra Medine

      !!

  • http://coocooforcoco.blogspot.com/ Colleen

    Just another example of how Kanye West is better than the rest of us

  • http://xelizaetcx.tumblr.com Eliza SJ

    This is beyond hilarious. I love every single snapshot.

  • http://beccabarton.com/ Becca Barton

    I think this post raises the important question of “Are we human, or are we Margiela model?”

  • kelly macintyre

    loling at you guys, alternating between fab beaded masked models and then trying to stuff hummus through a scarf haaaahaha

  • Alexandra Puffer

    “Do not try this at home, do not try this on your cats..” HA. I would have been mildly terrified if I had spotted you without knowing what you were up to – thanks for the laugh & putting yourselves out there

    Warm regards,
    Alexandra
    http://www.littlewildheart.com

  • Antillanka

    What I would’ve given to see you in the street!!! You girls are hilarious!

  • http://cityhabit.wordpress.com Modupe Oloruntoba

    You’re inspiring me right now. There’s a scarf in my bag and I’m going out for lunch in a few…

  • Unpublishedl

    But you both looked lovely:)

  • http://www.thoughtfulmisfit.com ThoughtfulMisfit

    X-ray vision – I think you can get lasik for that. xx, Tienlyn http://www.thoughtfulmisfit.com

  • http://twitter.com/real_table diyana ♛

    i like how you decided to add sunglasses on top of the scarves, as if it wasn’t already hard enough to see! hahaha

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