Shorts for When Your Legs Are Not Sticks

by Amelia Diamond
August 5, 2014
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Or hot dogs. These are also shorts for when your legs are not hot dogs.

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Not to Catfish you guys or anything…but…I am not Alexa Chung.

I know. Just calm down and relax.

God bless Alexa, though, and her legs that run the length of the Nile, and her thighs that could cause my own elbows to weep. If had her legs I’d probably forgo pants altogether and instead would exist solely in my underwear bottoms.

A few friends of mine are blessed with such gams — if they weren’t I’d probably assume Chung’s were a beautiful myth, birthed from the mind of someone so offended by bagels that they created an appendage-deity to trick girls into shying away from poppy seed heaven. But these long genetic wonders exist in real life, connected to the torsos of my girlfriends who only do squats when they drop something.

Me, on the other hand. Me, not so much. I’m short, which is cool, and my thighs mean business — a fact that I’ve come to terms with mostly because without them I don’t know what would hold up my butt. And I do workout, and sometimes I take the stairs instead of having a coma, but there are certain moments in every woman’s life where she has to look in the mirror and say, “regardless of gym time, fill-in-the-blank-style is not for me.”

That’s not to say don’t flaunt what your momma give you.

But it does mean know your body. Know your shape, know what works, and then learn how to adapt the look you’re going for into one that makes sense for you. This summer, for example, I’ve finally realized that instead of lamenting about my thighs’ relentless demands to exist, I’m going to accept that denim thongs are not my friends.

But you know what are?

Wide-legged cutoffs with the chop on an angle.

And skirted shorts. Surfer shorts. Anything to give the illusion of an A-line or boyline, with at least an inch of space required between thigh and hem.


If there’s a high waist, great. If the hip is dropped low, cool. Yes please to pleats and quasi-athletic cuts. But what me and my thighs definitely need in order to exist in harmony is enough room to make like Sally O’Malley and kick, stretch, kick. That’s all we ask.

Now who wants a bagel?

REPLIES
  • Cinamaron

    I have not worn a single pair of shorts this summer because of this EXACT PROBLEM so thank you!

  • ee_by_cc

    I totally suffer from corgi-leg syndrome. Great short picks!

    http://www.enduringethereal.com

    • Soulofashopper

      hahahaa love the ‘corgi-leg’ definition! I’m keeping that! ;)

  • Emma McLaughlin

    I clicked on the first pair of skirted shorts and now have eight different links to Nasty Gal items opened in my browser. Do I get an award for this?

  • GapToothedGirl

    I’m totally with you!!! Freedom to hotdog legs!!!

    XOX, Gap.
    http://www.gaptoothedgirl.com

  • Soulofashopper

    I totally hear you! I feel so related… once even my mom noted I have short legs like my dad, therefore I cannot wear long coats (nevertheless I still bought one)! We cannot all be models, there has to be room for other fab people too right? :P Love the short selection… browsing it right now. Bursting in flames here in Spain, so need to get a couple of those! xx, Alma

  • http://clubwonderblog.blogspot.com/ Demelza Duder

    Everything about this is great. It’s winter in New Zealand and I’m still considering buying the above shorts… After all not everyone can possess legs like Leandras that seemingly go on forever in all their hairy glory

    • Kirsten Maclean-Horrell

      Bring on NZ summer so we can get our pins out amiright! I’ve got some shorts styles to try.

  • http://Medium.com/@hager_emma Emma Hager

    This piece rocked, Amelia! You’re right in saying that some styles are just not complementary to all body types, and it is refreshing to see an honest solution to an honest problem.
    You know sometimes I think on the internet we all get caught up — I know I do — in merely saying the most positive, indifferent thing (read: “fuck the haters, wear what you want girl!”) when whoever is inquiring is looking for a real and honest answer to how to best complement themselves. The blanket of positivity may or may not get what they want done.

    Platitudes and general statements of encouragement can be necessary, but for the girl who is totally unsure as to what to wear in order to be the best presentation of herself, it’s so healthy to get down to business and help similarly-built women with actual advice. And that’s exactly what you’ve done here.

  • Hannah

    hahaahah love this Amelia!

  • aimeebidlack

    THANK YOU for posting this! It comes from a very real and authentic place. I think that all too often, blog readers are left feeling like they can’t apply style inspo (a la Alexa Chung) to their own bodies.

    And I ate a bagel this morning. SoOoOoO…………….

    • Amelia Diamond

      well let us know if there are any other style inspos you’re having a hard time adapting and we’ll take a shot at it!!

  • thebloginista

    THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!!!!!!

    • Amelia Diamond

      THANK YOU FOR THE EXCLAMATION POINTS THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE PUNCTUATIONS!!!

      • http://www.mystilettolife.com/ mystilettolife

        Extra exclamation points always means a good time.

  • Julia Coldwell

    you are so funny! love the way you write xx
    http://www.ailujthirteen.blogspot.com

  • http://www.mystilettolife.com/ mystilettolife

    I love shorts this summer! It’s a hard piece to wear for some but I think there are so many fits and styles out there you’re bound to find one that works! http://mystilettolife.com/

  • Emily

    Is there supposed to be something to click? Because I’m not seeing any gloriously skirted shorts.

    • Leandra Medine

      yes! all those images of shorts sandwiching the text are click-able!

      • jordanne

        ah – if you have adblock you can’t see them. i had to disable!

  • Quinn Halman

    You are my soul sister

  • Blabla

    what about shorts that also don´t cost a leg (buhaha)?? 200€+ !!

    • Amelia Diamond

      If you are a 4 or a 6 (us) then you can fight me for these which are $55!! I’ll give you 30 minutes before I put them in my own shopping cart… http://bit.ly/1qVuoM4

  • http://voguebeach.blogspot.co.uk Grace Cottrell

    I like loose fitting runner shorts or skorts because there is no way in hell that I can squeeze my ass into a pair of those topshop denim hotpants that expose you for all the world to see! Being 5ft tall I basically have no legs, could even be described as stumps so I feel your pain. PS I love baguels…

    - Grace

    http://voguebeach.blogspot.co.uk/

  • http://dolceandgabriella.wordpress.com Gigi Gastevich

    To be honest, I don’t think the denim thong thing is a good look on anyone. But the cut-on-an-angle trick is gold…I discovered it myself a few years ago and have had a much easier time buying shorts since.

    Love, Gigi
    Dolce and Gabriella

  • http://www.popcosmo.com/ PopCosmo

    Love this post! I have what some people call “thunder thighs” but when I wear skirted shorts I feel like I have, what I call, “lightning legs.”
    brb going to eat a bagel.
    xox
    chloe
    http://popcosmo.com

    • Amelia Diamond

      love that term lightning legs!

  • Adrianna Grężak

    My life changed when I discovered shorts that actually cover my thighs and aren’t the equivalent of “mom jeans”

  • me

    HEAR, HEAR !! *

    * “Hear, hear” is an abbreviation for “hear, all ye good people, hear what this brilliant and eloquent speaker has to say!”

    Thanks, A: You knocked it out of the park with this spot-on post !

    • Amelia Diamond

      and you just taught me something new!

  • The Lex Chapter

    I love this blog post – I’ve recently converted to culottes and am amazed ! So comfy and practical . Greetings from the UK

    http://thelexchapter.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/brighton-rocks.html

  • http://www.thebirdandcage.com/ Raven Brajdic

    “Connected to the torsos of my girlfriends who only do squats when they drop something.” This. This was hilarious. There can be drawbacks though to being short {like me} with grasshopper legs. My body is 90% leg and I have been referred to as a “frog-legged bitch,” which was meant to be offensive but I found very creative. Almost became my blog name…
    http://www.thebirdandcage.com

  • Larissa May

    these shorts are so perfect… i love that you cater to a woman’s curves

    xoxo

    Livinlikelarz

  • Heather

    AMEN. This is the best, ever.

  • http://www.otisunfiltered.blogspot.com/ Allison

    high five! i hated shorts for the longest time (thanks, thunder thighs), but have recently come around. although my size 6 j. crew chinos still remain the test of whether i need to up the fitness regime. tight? gym it is. loose? i’ll take two scoops, please.

    http://www.otisunfiltered.blogspot.com

  • Celeste

    its ok because KATE MOSS has bow legs!!

  • http://c-estclairette.blogspot.com/ Clairette

    Very good, thanks Amelia! I know a million girls who keep on complaining about her thighs which is because everyone thinks Alexa Chung’s shape is ideal.. which I don’t think! Who actually decided thighs have to look like forearms to be considered beautiful? I for one do workout which is why I don’t have skinny thighs. So what? I’d never stop working out or eating what I like just to look like a cheap copy of Alexa Annoying Chung. Besides, I like your face better than Alexa’s, Amelia! Girls always rather complain about their body issues instead of being proud of what they are blessed with… and for everyone with thigh insecurities, I can highly recommend the white Acne Sea Slubs you linked to in the text (on the left) – I have them and they’re perfect (looks like this: http://www.cestclairette.com/2014/07/liebe-manner.html) ! Just take a smaller size, they’re huge (which makes you feel superbly skinny, hehe)

    Greetings from Berlin!

  • http://www.kristywho.com/ Kristy W

    I’ll defs be wearing these shorts in summer!
    http://www.kristywho.com
    x

  • http://www.thesugarspunsisters.blogspot.com/ Sugar Spun Sisters

    Absolutely love this post! So funny. I also would only ever wear underwear if I had Alexa’s legs! But for now, that bagel does sound good…

    Eve & Faye x

    Sugar Spun Sisters – A blog about clothes, cosmetics & coeliac disease

  • http://www.cocoandcocoa.com/ Lola Byatt

    I accepted this recently and gave away allll of my tiny denim cut-offs, I bought them on a complete whim in thinking that they could potentially be suited to my legs, they didn’t and alas spent the remainder of their time with me at the back of my wardrobe hoping to be worn. They now reside in a charity shop or perhaps they’ve been bought by some limber limbed lucky person and they’re finally fulfilling their destiny

  • Lisa

    Lovely style of writing. I had to grin a lot, because.. UGH, so true!

    http://www.entre-flaneur.blogspot.com
    http://www.entre-flaneur.blogspot.com

  • http://thegoldengirlblog.com/ Jess

    I don’t know which is better, how absurdly helpful this actually is or the fact that I choked on my coffee from laughing.

  • BethanyBeach

    I have very large/muscular thighs with a round/muscular butt (I do love my squats) and I’d definitely recommend mid-thigh to short length that are high-waisted, paired with a looser top. American Apparel has lots of options for curvier figures for shorts.

  • Luciana Safdie

    This is great

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