You might remember a story titled A Wedding Outfit that Doesn’t Suck which ran at the beginning of the unofficial wedding season a.k.a. the artist formerly known as Summer, and suggested that you pair your longest gingham (optional) organza (optional) skirt with a white button down blouse.
Whether or not you took that advice (which also included sunglasses no matter the time of day/state of circumstance and a marigold lunchbox) is irrelevant so long as you could empathize with owning a really long skirt. One, ideally, that you like a great deal but also understand serves a fairy futile function, which is to sit in your closet and collect dust 364 days a year (65 on a leap year!), save for the one day it is being worn, when there is also an understanding that for the duration of that wear, the skirt will moonlight as a broom and sweep floors so efficiently that you might actually question your de facto cleaning supplies.
What a shame, right? To love a garment so much but find that you can barely wear it? Don’t be a victim of mendable circumstance. Here’s what I suggest. Either hightail it da fuq over to a tailor (Hong Kong Jack in the West Village is practically my dad away from dad) or trust yourself enough to exercise a fairly simple DIY and snip, sew and wear. As you can see in the images chronicled above, the long gingham organza skirt is now a duty-length gingham organza skirt and provides the appropriate ratio of cloak to bikini top and panama hat. (As, yes, worn in New York City.)
Because you know what they say, right? If you can’t get to the beach, don’t fall victim to idiocy and try to prove that “the beach will come to you.” That’s geographically impossible. Do, however, dress like you’re going to the beach and play a fun dislocation game we will henceforth call Continental (or in this case, is it Coastal?) Confusion. You won’t be sorry, unless you will be, in which case, we’re sorry.