What to Wear When You Want to Get Fired from Your Office Job

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by Leandra Medine
July 30, 2014
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OR: when you want to get an office job at Man Repeller!

I did this weird thing yesterday where after I got dressed, while still in my apartment, I looked into a mirror and said to myself, “Self, this looks fine.” The proclamation was followed by my walking out the door. Important to note is that this is something I do on a near daily basis, but on the particular morning that found my ass reverse-camel toeing, it was slightly if not entirely unusual that when I looked into the mirror I didn’t so much as consider how destructive it might be for me to wear denim underwear out publicly.

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, I’ve tangoed in the public domain while pantsless de facto at least as many times as I can count on one finger, but when you’re going into an office and that attendance record is being met with at least a handful of additional office visits across the island of Manhattan, how short is too short when it comes to your, you know, shorts? This question arises at a particularly sensitive time because in spite of it being July, it is cold. So the excuse I love to use — that it’s too hot for clothes — doesn’t quite work when boots (not to be confused with boobs!) seem vaguely applicable.

But that’s not all. Here are three other things that are wrong with this outfit and my having worn it on a day I was specifically asked to appear presentable:

1. I have not shaved my lower legs in at least ten days because they’re far away from my hands and I don’t like bending down. I have not shaved my upper legs ever.

2. From certain angles, you can see my nipples — which are not concealed by a bra — through my shirt. I know this deficiency can be repaired with the mere buttoning of a button but drama is my middle name and also, I one time had my hair done at a salon called Dramatics NYC. I still carry the torch of that blow dry with me everywhere I go.

3. You can see my buttcheek through your rearview mirror which is extravagantly silhouetted in part due to my skin bulging out of the rigid denim.

Conclusion: wear this! You have nothing to lose.

vRXjtN on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs

Madewell blouse, Levi’s shorts, Charlotte Olympia shoes. Jewelry by Sylvia Toledano and Shashi.

REPLIES
  • Anita

    hahahaha you made me laugh so much!
    love your posts
    xx Anita
    http://vanillaelephant.blogspot.de/

  • http://www.fashionistaintheoven.com Fashionista In The Oven

    Hahaha very funny! Love it!

    XXOO

    http://www.fashionistaintheoven.com

    • http://blogaboutdesign.com/ B.A.D l Blog About Design

      I love this as well! Put a smile on my face :)

      Check out the B.A.D blog: blogaboutdesign.com

  • Hereshoping Themayanswereright

    Beautiful legs. You can get away with short.

  • ee_by_cc

    You slay me, this is hilarious

    http://www.enduringethereal.com

  • Alma

    First thing I thought when I saw that first pic: “I love that denim on denim look”… Screw the ‘shortness’ of the shorts (wow that was redundant), and I’m sure no one’s looking that close to see you haven’t shaved ;) ps. I don’t shave my upper legs ever too. :D

  • http://dressinginlabels.blogspot.com Karen – Dressing in Labels

    Haha funny article!

    x Karen
    http://dressinginlabels.blogspot.com

  • bettemack

    With gams like yours – go for it.

  • B.

    MR is my coffee. Thanks for the laugh! Now I can take on this day lol
    xB

    http://www.brittish.us

  • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

    I have been trying Sugaring recently (my middle names being Too Lazy To Shave) – great way of doing away with those pesky leg carpets! I simply bought the sugaring paste and am trying to use it effectively – it causes no pain and looks good.

    • Amelia Diamond

      what is sugaring?!?!

      • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

        Just click the link “Sugaring” in my comment above, that way, you’ll get an explanation devoid of language mistakes :-)

        It involves using a sugar paste, plastering it onto your legs, putting a piece of cloth on it and pulling it away swiftly, like a band-aid – but it doesn’t hurt. Really. Not me.

        • fiona

          NO, IT HURTS JUST AS MUCH (imho). I very much wanted to painfully kill the person who did it to me

          • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

            Oh. Sorry for that. To me, this is the most pleasant way of keeping my legs skirt ready and I actually like doing it – but then, apart from eyebrows, I do not seem to be able to feel much pain in most (hairy or not) regions … Though: I did try to use an epilator on my legs once and I thought I’d die, it hurt so much. Hm.

    • Melissa

      Yes, please explain more about sugaring . . .I hate shaving but hate hairy legs greater than or equal to

      • http://alcessa.wordpress.com/ alcessa

        May I suggest this link? You’ll probably understand more :-)

  • GapToothedGirl

    You’re su fun!!!

    LOL, XOX, Gap.

    http://www.gaptoothedgirl.com

  • Clare

    I like to think of my jorts a denim diaper.

  • Jen

    Thanks for this post. I really needed a good laugh and you have provided it for me. I have a set of 5 year old twins and one of them has Autism. My life is crazy and hectic but I always find time to read your website. Thank you for putting a smile on my everyday. :)

  • Lauren Ann Long

    I’m also wearing denim underwear in the form of white overalls to work today. Keeping my fingers crossed I stay employed. But I mean, que sera sera.

  • Judy

    If this is not the funniest blog I read this morning, than I must not know what funny is! Never laughed so much and so hard lol… Love the shoes by the way. Check out my summer sun hat style guide and let me know what you think,

    http://www.dahliajewels.com/summer-sun-hats-types-styling-tips/i-180.html

  • http://blushingtheory.blogspot.com/ Nicole Rivera

    Hysterical as always! Hate when shorts get so tight that they end up reverse camel-toeing!

    Nicole
    http://blushingtheory.blogspot.com

  • Autumn

    What? No ass shot?

  • Luba

    haha I can´t stop laughing!! you are simply great

    XX LUBA

    How to dress stylish for the office while resist summer
    temperatures, today on

    http://WELL-LIVING-BLOG.COM

  • mojomartini

    ok, but tell us how you get your legs to look so shiny. Is there some sort of product involved? do tell…

    • Leandra Medine

      shiny? furreal? they’re actually really dry! (though when i aaaaaammmm going for shiny, i usually use hand cream)

  • exploring wardrobes

    Love it! Like Bobs Burgers said, only strippers shave about the knee!

    http://exploringwardrobes.blogspot.com/

  • lavieenliz

    haha nice!! you look hot though so I wouldn’t fire you

    http://hashtagliz.com

  • FredCCoggins

    This question arises at a particularly sensitive time because in spite of it being July, it is cold. So the excuse I love to use — that it’s too hot for clothes – doesn’t quite work when boots (not to be confused with boobs!) seem vaguely applicable. http://ur1.ca/hvhaa

  • starryhye

    It is most definitely too hot for clothes, here in AZ! I will shamelessly rock my short shorts all the live long day. I find your outfit 100% acceptable. Also, are we wearing anklets again????

  • http://www.ellaetcetera.com/ Ella

    Eye love your shoes! (Like my lame homophone?)

    xx Ella
    Ella Et Cetera

  • Androbel

    hahaha Leandra you look fine! but yes, these shorts will get you fired I think! Lovee the flats too!

    Xo, Belen

    A Hint of Life

  • http://www.thecrushworthy.com/ Mahsa (The Crushworthy)

    Haha awesome! Oh but I dream of a world where we can all wear whatever our heart desires to the office and it would be all good ;)
    http://www.thecrushworthy.com

  • Victoria

    if you follow the nip slip trend, i will follow the nipslip trend. It’s a more accidental (and scandalous) sideboob reserved for the lucky who are caught in the moment. and those accessories damn

  • #freethenipple

    sadly no nipple sighting… not even a hint of areola.

  • http://madamecouture.blogspot.com/ Emma Hager

    Don’t forget that I am ready and willing to take an office job at MR as the resident MR Succulent UpKeep Manager!!!!!!

  • Me!!!!

    omFg same.

  • http://www.mollyandstacie.com Molly

    Lol, this is great!

    http://www.mollyandstacie.com

  • Ana González

    So funny Leandra! The bracelet is gorgeous!

    ” I have not shaved my lower legs in at least ten days because they’re far away from my hands and I don’t like bending down. I have not shaved my upper legs ever.” Same here.

    LAZYCATSTYLE

    • http://www.thefashioncookbook.com Hannah & Patricia

      This bold womanly confidence is the push I need to stop letting my crippling hate of leg shaving from cramping my style. I swear I’ve worn the same pants to work multiple times this week despite the many beautiful skirts and dresses that are currently hanging and taunting me in my closet.

      Thanks girls! Girl Power!

      http://www.thefashioncookbook.com

  • Anna

    LEEEANNNDRUH!!!!!! FLAAVA FLAV WAS JUST ON CELBRITY WIFE SWAP AND I DIDN’T KNOW IF YOU KNEW. IM SORRY FOR YELLING AT YOU LIKE THIS I JUST THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOOU WOULD WANT TO KNOW.

    btw u lok amazing in this post. eyeball shoes rock!

  • Helen Veyna

    This made me laugh so much! That outfit is adorable, and I’m in love with those shoes!

    -Helen Grace

    http://www.sweethelengrace.com

  • Larissa May

    This look is effortless perfection

    xoxo

    http://www.livinlikelarz.com“>Livinlikelarz

  • http://www.anorexicescapades.com/ BougieHippie

    Nice tan on the stems!!!!

    http://www.anorexicescapades.com

  • hla

    LOVE IT! What a great alternate perspective!

  • ilze

    Leandra? Leandra, is something different about your hair? Have I missed something important?? Why does it seem different?

    • Leandra Medine

      It’s just growing!

      • Leandra Medine

        Like trees! In Brooklyn!

  • http://www.qoolart.com Elisabeth

    hihihi, I like the outfit though! :-)

  • girlinmenswear

    I have actually worked with someone who never wore a bra to work, but always wore very low cut tops…her male boss eventually had to have a word – she didn’t get fired but did have to make a trip down to M&S.

    http://www.girlinmenswear.com

  • Hadas

    Laser hair removal girl, never have to shave againnnn (maybe like once every few months, but still awesome!)

  • Ashley

    Love this haha! This reminds me of when I wore these Marc Jacobs kitty flats to the office!

  • http://www.fdicct.org fdicct

    tried it, didn’t work..so I just send them my resignation letter 2 days ago

    http://www.fdicct.org

  • ClothesHorse

    oh.. if only i could throw ze suit away and go in THIS! love love x

  • kate

    what size are ya wearing in the madewell blouse?

  • Dana

    Petition to put eyeballs on everything, especially shoes